I keep secrets.
And wouldn't you like to know what they are.
THE QUOTE đŹ đŹ
âSo, even though youâve broken my heart yet again, I wanted to sayâŚin another life, I wouldâve really liked just doing laundry and taxes with youâ
hint: all six words in the title begin with a vowel
THINK THOUGHTS đ
And my secret this week is what I planned to talk about, but will have to wait.
Any guesses?
PS last week I said Edward Cullen was a centurion. lol. He old, but not that old. What I meant to type was that he was a centenarian.
NEWSY BITS đž
James Cameron Says Next âAvatarâ Film Will Be The Longest One Yet; Last One Moved âLike A Bullet Trainâ Instead Of Taking Time For Character Development - for context, Avatar: The Way of Water (aka Avatar 2) was 3 hours and 12 minutes. - Deadline
EXTRA CREDIT MOVIE(S) đ
This is the most movies Iâve ever featured here. So weâre taking drastic measures in formatting and content. All movies releasing Friday unless otherwise noted.
Eephus (Limited theaters *now*)
baseball hangout movie with heart, wrapped in nostalgia
Reviews 100% and effusive (but not eephusive)
Opus (Limited theaters)
celebrity obsession culture sendup w/ Ayo Edebiri & John Malkovich
Reviews focus on fun premise, middling execution
The Parenting (HBO Max)
couplesâ parents meet-cute goes way wrong in haunted Airbnb
Reviews say acerbic with stacked cast, but much too goofy for many
Control Freak (Hulu)
âelevatedâ familial body horror
Reviews split, though some appreciate the performance and cultural specificity
The World Will Tremble (Limited theaters)
Holocaust drama
Reviews mixed, performances the highlight
The Actor (Limited theaters)
trippy romantic amnesia noir
Reviews say thoughtful and visually interesting
NOTABLE NEW RELEASE(S) đ & đş
Black Bag
Want a healthy, sexy, romantic relationship?
Keep secrets.1
Or so it may seem from the frothy dynamic between Cate Blanchett and Michael Fassbender who play sultry spies that must keep their work in a metaphorical âblack bag.â
But if you end up keeping a few too many parcels in the sack, it could end up in a spy spying on another spy (thatâs his wife). Naughty.
Director Steve Soderbergh reportedly keeps the line extremely taught between the couple as their relationship is challenged by a betrayal in their world. But while the betrayal is out in the open, who performed it is not. Which means a cast of other suspects will continue to add threads to the game.
Reviews say this is one of the best movies of this variety in a long time and one adults who say they want original cinema should pay to see in theaters.
Because something thatâs not a secret is that what audiences watch now, affects what theyâll be able to watch later.
âSleek, witty and lean to the bone, a fizzy, engaging puzzler about beautiful spies doing the sort of extraordinary things that the rest of us only read about in novels and â if weâre lucky â watch onscreen.â - from the NY Times review of Black Bag
Out: Friday
Where: Theaters
Details: 1 hr 33 mins | R | đ : 85%
Novocaine
Novocaineâs got a gimmick. It seems like a good gimmick, but a gimmick none the less. And gimmickâs can get tiresome. But when you have a charming actor who can make that gimmick appealing? Hey man, gimme that gimmick.
Jack Quaid (son of Dennis Quaid and Meg Ryan) is said charming actor. Heâs a dude who canât feel pain and thus lives a cautious mundane life for fear of bleeding to death, that comes to take on a whole mess of bad guys to save the girl he likes after she gets taken hostage. And makes on hell of a mess along the way.
Youâre going to to see lots of things thatâll make you cringe out of second hand pain, but thatâll be the only pain occurring. Because, remember, âNovocaineâ canât feel pain. Get it?
I think you get it.
Out: Friday
Where: Theaters
Details: 1 hr 50 mins | R | đ : 85%
The Electric State
Question: why on Oprahâs green earth does Chris Pratt look like heâs Metallica lead singer James Hetfield starring in a yacht rock mockumentary?
I mean, I could be asking about why co-directors the Russo bros havenât made an interesting looking movie since taking the Marvel franchise to its highest highs with Avengers: Infinity War/End Game
But honestly, that hair, itâs just⌠Sorry, am I body (wig?) shaming? I kind of Sorry about that. But the movie diiiid cost $350 million, sooooo.
The movie, letâs talk about the movieâwhich reviews say is pretty damn bad?? Audiences may not agree though as plenty of people actually seemed to like the Russo brosâ last Netflix effort, The Gray Man. But quite a few one star reviews saying itâs the definition of âcontent.â Harsh words but this still feels destined for the #1 spot on The Flixâs Top Ten.
Critics might be a bit miffed because the movie is based on a graphic novel which had very cool drawings fit for a perfectly moody retro-future classic. But while The Electric State does have cool looking retro-futuristic robots, the whole âclassicâ part seems more unlikely than me giving Chris Pratt a pass for that god. damn. mustache.
Out: Friday
Where: Netflix
Details: 2 hrs 8 mins | PG-13 | đ : 19%
The Day the Earth Blew Up: A Looney Tunes Movie
I donât who the hell greenlit this movie, but they deserve all of the hugs.
Mostly because they probably got fired after the movie went into production on account of the studio that made it, Warner Bros., shelving it and putting the release rights up for sale. Not because itâs badâreview say itâs quite the exact opposite in factâbut because, well, I donât know why. But Iâm sure it has to do with âcorporate strategy.â
But a company called Ketchup Entertainment bought the US rights and now itâs coming to theaters.
It gives hope that some kid whoâs been deprived of Saturday morning cartoons might watch this movie and then go on to become a studio executive whoâwhilst being pitched the 7th remake of Wicked in 10 yearsâlets their mind drift back to their childhood experience giggling at Porky Pig and Daffy Duck engaging in hijinks on the big screen and thinks, âya know what, we need another Looney Tunes movieâ and proceeds to use all their Hollywood capital to give the world just one more chance at our 2D animated friends.
Thus starting the Looney cycle all over again.
One can dream!
Out: Friday
Where: Theaters
Details: 1 hr 33 mins | PG | đ : 96%
THE WEEKLY TRAILER PLAYLIST âŻ
Lilo & Stich - this is one Disney remake Iâm 100% down with.
F1 - Brad Pitt go vroom vroom.
The Life of Chuck - a story from the softer sides of Stephen King (you know who he is) and Mike Flanagan (creator of The Haunting of Hill House and other Netflix horror series).
Thunderbolts* - On hand one, props to Marvel for saying yes to this trailer. On hand two, even as dope as it is, jesus h does it feel thirsty.
Jane Austen Wrecked My Life - solid looking rom-coms ainât dead, theyâve just gone indie.
That They May Face the Rising Sun - will make you want to get off your phone.
Hi Chesare!