Whats In Theaters: ☀ Battles
GUESS THE QUOTE!
(answer at bottom of the email)
"Watch that first step. It's a dooooozie. "
What's In Theaters
So we finally saw Blade Runner 2049 (loved it) before it goes out of theaters - and then we proceeded to see Jared Leto at the climbing gym a few days later.
We also checked out The Shape of Water (as romantic and romanticly weird as you'd expect) - nothing happened after that, except for an odd attraction to sushi...
If you're getting cutoff, go here and click to view the most recent edition.
Ok, let's get to...
This Weekend
Star Wars: The Last Jedi
AKA
"money money money moneeey, money!"
PG-13 / 2 hrs 32 mins
WHAT'S THE DEAL
It's Star Wars.
.......
And Luke Skywalker is in it this time, like, for more than 3 seconds.
......?!
You need more? Fine, it's the second movie in a Star Wars trilogy so this is supposed to be "the dark one." We don't know a ton of plot details, and we don't wanna know.
We do know Luke and Leia feature more prominently in it though, AND there's these new cute little fuckers that we're probably gonna fall in love with.
If that ain't enough for ya, yer probably a Sith Lord.
REVIEWS
Ooh tee nee!! That is to say critics are reacting as excitedly as a group of Jawas discovering a fully functioning R2 unit.
Ahem, in not nerd speak, they're very positive.
Director Rian Johnson (who just got license from Disney to make a whole other Star Wars trilogy after this one) apparently adds some fresh style elements and emotional impact.
Rotten Tomatoes Score: 94%
(190 reviews)
ARE WE GONNA GO?
It'd be abdication of duties if we didn't!
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Ferdinand
AKA
"there's another movie opening this weekend?"
PG / 1 hr 47 mins
WHAT'S THE DEAL
Someone's getting cheekin tryin' a little what the biz likes to call "counter programming," for those that may be a little too young for the beast of a laser light show that is Star Wars.
And speaking of beasts, Ferdinand is an animated flick about a bull named, you guessed it, Frank (kidding). He's supposed to fight, but all he wants to do is looooove. Awwww.
John Cena (former WWE wrestler) lends his voice and may we say, is doing a pretty damn fine job of following The Rock's wrestling to movie star playbook. Well done sir, well done.
REVIEWS
None yet. Not sure it portends imminent doom, but not a greeeaaat sign.
Rotten Tomatoes Score: TBD
(0 reviews) ARE WE GONNA GO?
We appreciate the try, and best of luck to 'em, but nope.
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LAST WEEKEND'S TOP MOVIES
1) Coco ($18.4 mill)
Pixar X Dia de los Muertos X family
97% RT - Trailer - Showtimes
2) Justice League ($9.7 mill)
Wonder Woman and some other dudes
41% RT - Trailer - Showtimes
3) Wonder ($8.6 mill)
Julia Roberts movie with the feels
84% RT - Trailer - Showtimes
4) The Disaster Artist ($6.5 mill)
oh hi Mark
93% RT - Trailer - Showtimes
5) Thor: Ragnarok ($6.3 mill)
Funny Thor!
92% RT - Trailer - Showtimes
6) Daddy's Home 2 ($6 mill)
Four daddies! Not a golf joke
17% RT - Trailer - Showtimes
7) Murder on the Orient Express ($5.2 mill)
It's MUUUUURRDER
58% RT - Trailer - Showtimes
8) The Star ($3.8 mill)
Talking animals save Christmas!
51% RT - Trailer - Showtimes
9) Lady Bird ($3.5 mill)
Growin up is hard, and funny
100% RT - Trailer - Showtimes
10) Just Getting Started ($3.2 mill)
Old jokes about old dudes
7% RT - Trailer - Showtimes
Sneak Peek @ Next Weekend
Holiday CLUSTERF*CK Edition
OPENING WEDNESDAY
Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle - not a sequel, but a "reimagining." This time Jumanji is a video game and The Rock, Jack Black, Kevin Hart and Karen Gillan play the in game characters of the kids who got sucked into said video game.
The Greatest Showman - musical starring Hugh Jackman, Michelle Williams, Zac Efron & Zendaya about the creation of the circus. "Inspired by P.T. Barnum's imagination" - which means what exactly...? Regardless, looks bright, singy and (mostly) happy.
Watch the Trailer
OPENING FRIDAY Pitch Perfect 3 - also a "reimagining," but this time it's set in a Siberian Russian softball league (double entendres!) where the singers are put to death if they don't hit the right note.
¯\_(ツ)_/¯ look, we have to entertain ourselves somehow.
This "final" entry in the beloved singing franchise has the Bellas all growed up, but lifes not all A's and B's. They get back together to do a USO tour, yay!, but crisiseseses abound, booo!
Watch the Trailer
Father Figures - an oft delayed comedy starring Owen Wilson and Ed Helms where they try and find their dad because apparently their mom didn't care about dumb social constructs around sex.
Watch the Trailer
Downsizing - Matt Damon and Kristen Wiig in the next satire from Alexander Payne (Nebraska, Sideways) where people literally shrink themselves to get more for their money.
Watch the Trailer
The Post - story of The Washington Post and their efforts to publish the Pentagon Papers (reports on Vietnam) - cool story. Oh, and it's directed by Steven Spielberg and stars Tom Hanks and Meryl Streep. Watch the Trailer OPENING CHRISTMAS DAY
All the Money in the World - the Ridley Scott directed movie that they had to reshoot cuz Kevin Spacey was in it. About the kidnapping of John Paul Getty III's (rich oil dude) grandson - Michelle Williams, Mark Wahlberg star along with Christopher Plummer who replaced Kevin Spacey.
Watch the Trailer
Phantom Thread - the next P.T. Anderson (There Will Be Blood) film and the last movie starring Daniel Day Lewis (he says he's retiring). Follows a dressmaker whose muse also becomes his frustration.
Watch the Trailer
Molly's Game - Aaron Sorkin (creator and writer of The West Wing) directs his first movie, starring Jessica Chastain and Idris Elba, about a woman who runs a high-stakes poker league that celebrities often attended - based on the true story.
Watch the Trailer
New Trailers!
MAZE RUNNER: THE DEATH CURE
Jan 26, 2018
Final trailer. The third and final film in the franchise. Sooo, is the maze metaphorical at this point?
ANNIHILATION - Feb 23, 2018
Natalie Portman tries to find out what happened to her husband, Oscar Isaac, after he went into an alien like "field." Directed by Alex Garland (Ex-Machina).
READY PLAYER ONE - Mar 30, 2018
Steven Spielberg takes on the popular sci-fi book which tells of a future where VR is a primary way of life. The creator of a VR world offers his fortune to one player....ready?
JURASSIC WORLD: FALLEN KINGDOM
June 22, 2018
They go back to the island!
Wait, they go back to the island!??!
ALITA: BATTLE ANGEL - April 6, 2018
It's based on the popular japanese manga (comic) and directed by Robert Rodriguez and produced by James Cameron. Story follows a cyborg in the future who can help save the world.
7 DAYS IN ENTEBBE - March 9, 2018
Rosamund Pike (Gone Girl) stars in the story of the 1976 plane hijacking and Israeli rescue effort.