What's In Theaters: ALL THE MOVIES
GUESS THE QUOTE!
(answer at bottom of the email)
"Lotta sap in here. Looks great. Little full. Lotta sap."
What's In Theaters
Bummed you haven't seen enough of the movies you wanted to this year?
Cool.
Here's a crap ton (<-- that means many) more you're gonna feel bad about missing.
Variety Best Movies of 2017
NY Times Best Movies of 2017
NPR's Favorite Movies of 2017
Getting cutoff?
Go Here and click "View the Most Recent Edition"
Ok, let's get to...
This Weekend
Holiday CLUSTERF*CK Edition
TODAY
Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle
AKA
"what Axl Rose named his bathroom"
Not a sequel, but a "reimagining." This time Jumanji is a video game and The Rock, Jack Black, Kevin Hart and Karen Gillan play the in game characters of the kids who got sucked into said video game.
PG-13 - 1 hr 52 mins - 81% RT
Watch the Trailer - Get Showtimes
The Greatest Showman
AKA
"The Greatest SHOOOWWW*breath*MAAAAAAAAN"
Musical starring Hugh Jackman, Michelle Williams, Zac Efron & Zendaya about the creation of the circus. "Inspired by P.T. Barnum's imagination" - which means what exactly...? Regardless, looks bright, singy and (mostly) happy.
PG - 2 hrs - 44% RT
Watch the Trailer - Get Showtimes
FRIDAY
PITCH PERFECT 3
AKA
"aca money grab"
Also a "reimagining," but this time it's set in a Siberian Russian softball league (double entendres!) where the singers are put to death if they don't hit the right note.
¯\_(ツ)_/¯ look, we have to entertain ourselves somehow.
This "final" entry in the beloved singing franchise has the Bellas all growed up, but life's not all A's and B's. They get back together to do a USO tour, yay!, but crisiseseses abound, booo!
PG-13 - 1 hr 34 mins - 33% RT Watch the Trailer - Get Showtimes
FATHER FIGURES
AKA
"oddly not a c(sk)inemax movie about daddy issues"
Multiple times delayed comedy starring Owen Wilson and Ed Helms where they try and find their dad because apparently their mom didn't care about dumb social constructs around sex. R - 2 hrs 5 mins - TBD RT (<-- bad sign) Watch the Trailer - Get Showtimes
DOWNSIZING
AKA
"least favorite word used by urologists "
Matt Damon and Kristen Wiig in the next satire from Alexander Payne (Nebraska, Sideways) where people literally shrink themselves to get more for their money. R - 2 hrs 15 mins - 61% RT Watch the Trailer - Get Showtimes
THE POST
AKA
"mortal enemy of those who text and walk"
Story of The Washington Post and their efforts to publish the Pentagon Papers (reports on Vietnam) - cool story. Oh, and it's directed by Steven Spielberg and stars Tom Hanks and Meryl Streep.
Watch the Trailer - Get Showtimes PG-13 - 1 hr 55 mins - 85% RT
CHRISTMAS DAY
ALL THE MONEY IN THE WORLD
AKA
"the amount Sony would spend not to have Kevin Spacey in their movie"
The Ridley Scott directed movie that they had to reshoot cuz Kevin Spacey was in it. About the kidnapping of John Paul Getty III's (rich oil dude) grandson - Michelle Williams, Mark Wahlberg star along with Christopher Plummer who replaced Kevin Spacey. PG - 2 hrs 12 mins - 88% RT Watch the Trailer - Get Showtimes
PHANTOM THREAD
AKA
"friggen thing that keeps tickling our friggen neck "
The next P.T. Anderson (There Will Be Blood) film and the last movie starring Daniel Day Lewis (he says he's retiring). Follows a dressmaker whose muse also becomes his frustration.
R - 2 hrs 10 mins - 93% RT Watch the Trailer - Get Showtimes
MOLLY'S GAME
AKA
"sick twisted thing Ms Ringwald "plays" with those who cross her"
Aaron Sorkin (creator and writer of The West Wing) directs his first movie, starring Jessica Chastain and Idris Elba, about a woman who runs a high-stakes poker league that celebrities often attended - based on the true story. R - 2 hrs 20 mins - 82% RT Watch the Trailer - Get Showtimes
LAST WEEKEND'S TOP MOVIES
1) Star Wars: The Last Jedi ($220 mill) NEW
Pew Pew Pew Wraaaww
93% RT - Trailer - Showtimes
2) Ferdinand ($13.3 mill) NEW
Pixar X Dia de los Muertos X family
72% RT - Trailer - Showtimes
3) Coco ($10.1 mill)
Pixar X Dia de los Muertos X family
97% RT - Trailer - Showtimes
4) Wonder ($5.5 mill)
Julia Roberts movie with the feels
84% RT - Trailer - Showtimes
5) Justice League ($4.2 mill)
Wonder Woman and some other dudes
41% RT - Trailer - Showtimes
6) Daddy's Home 2 ($6 mill)
Four daddies! Not a golf joke
17% RT - Trailer - Showtimes
7) Thor: Ragnarok ($3 mill)
Funny Thor!
92% RT - Trailer - Showtimes
8) The Disaster Artist ($2.8 mill)
oh hi Mark
93% RT - Trailer - Showtimes
9) Murder on the Orient Express ($2.5 mill)
It's MUUUUURRDER
58% RT - Trailer - Showtimes
10) Lady Bird ($2.1 mill)
Growin up is hard, and funny
100% RT - Trailer - Showtimes
Sneak Peek @ Next Weekend
NADA!
New Trailers!
GRINGO - March 8, 2018
Joel Edergton and Charlize Theron are execs at a weed company that send a mid level exec, David Oyelowo, to Mexico who gets kidnapped - black comedy funness.
OCEAN'S 8 - June 8, 2018
This time it's the women who have sticky fingers (and not from cheetos!) - Sandra Bullock, Cate Blanchett, Anne Hathaway, Mindy Kaling, Sarah Paulson, Rihanna, Awkwafina and Helena Bonham Carter.
SICARIO 2: SOLDADO - June 29, 2018
Benicio Del Toro and Josh Brolin return in sequel to drug cartel world. This time Brolin's character lets Del Toro's loose. New director, but same writer as the first.
DISNEY'S THE NUTCRACKER - Nov 2, 2018
Looks like a cross between Alice in Wonderland and Beauty and the Beast (both Disney movies). Let's hope they have good dancers... Misty Copeland makes an appearance!
MORTAL ENGINES - Dec 18, 2018
First film in the Peter Jackson produced (potential) fanchise where cities are now moving vehicles that "eat" other smaller cities to acquire their resources - based on the novels.