What's In Theaters: Liam Neesons fights a 🐻! (kinda)
CAN YOU GUESS THE QUOTE?
(answer @ end of email)
"Hey! Hey! Her head don't come off!!"
You know that cliche in movies where good has to have its evil equivalent?
Yeah, well Hollywood apparently loves its cliches so much it applies them to the movies themselves.
I.e. you know all those really good "awards" movies that just came out?
Whelp, we're about to see their "evil" counterparts over the next couple months.
Yay balance?
REMINDER: The Post (refresh: Streep, Hanks, Spielberg movie about Washington Post v US Gov) is expanding nationwide this week, so for those of you not in LA or NY, hop to it.
Getting cutoff? Go here and click "the most recent edition."
The Commuter
AKA
"WHAT ABOUT 'NON-STOP' THO!!"
PG-13 / 1 hr 45 mins
WHAT'S THE DEAL
It's Liam Neesons! On a train!
And he's gots to saves it, duhs.
Cept this time he's an insurance salesman who gets wrapped up in a deadly conspiracy and it gets all meta and he's apparently watched a lot of "Liam Neeson" movies and thus has all the abilities to save the choo choo? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
FUN FACTS
Same director, Jaume Collet-Serra, as the other Liam Neeson action films Unknown, Non-Stop and Run All Night.
Their next co-lab together is apparently called Heavy Petting which is about an owner of a doggie daycare facility whose poodle is murdered by a pack of rabid cats who he fights to the death.*
*not true. But Liam Neeson's next film IS called Hard Powder, about a vengeful snowplow driver. For real.
REVIEWS
Some early endorsements, but of the kind where this is a movie you enjoy for the 90+ mins and then forget in the next 5. Would expect the score to drop as more reviews roll in.
Rotten Tomatoes Score: 71%
(25 Reviews)
ARE WE GONNA GO?
Only if we can watch it ON a train while the story is ALSO being reenacted in real life around us. Cuz, uh, awesome.
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Paddington 2
AKA
"aww, I mean just, come on, awwww"
PG / 1 hr 45 mins
WHAT'S THE DEAL
Sequel for the adorable, affable, amusing and many other A adjectives teddy bear.
The story follows Paddington as he gets a job to buy a book for his aunt's bday, which is promptly stolen by an evil-doer actor (Hugh Grant, who apparently steals the show), but Paddington is blamed for the crime (oh noez!) and sent to prison.
But being Paddington, he endears himself to other prisoners and he eventually gets out so he can get his book back (duuuuh).
Also stars Sally Hawkins (Shape of Water), Hugh Bonneville (Downton Abbey) and Brendan Gleeson (Braveheart).
The first one was very well liked by critics/audiences and this seems to be destined for the same.
REVIEWS
Stellar. Sounds like the kind of movie that makes you happy about life (again?).
Rotten Tomatoes Score: 100%
(93 reviews)
ARE WE GONNA GO?
We once knew "someone" who slept with a teddy bear until they were 26, so if only in their honor.
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Proud Mary
AKA
"not sure her mom would be though"
R / 89 mins
WHAT'S THE DEAL
Taraji P. Henson (Cookie on the show Empire) is a hit woman for the mob in Boston, who apparently owns more leather than Mr. and Mrs. Grey combined.
Her world gets altered when she meets a young boy on a hit gone awry.
Follows the trend of other female led action flicks (see: Atomic Blonde, Lucy, Ghost in the Shell) for their gender equaling ass kicking.
However, beyond that element it doesn't seem to be pushing many other barriers, but if you're into seeing people get shot in the face (or close to) a lot, there's probably a lot of that!
REVIEWS
None so far and don't expect the ones that do come eventually to be that great.
Rotten Tomatoes Score: TBD
ARE WE GONNA GO?
Nope. Yay for badass female leads, but boo for samey action tropes.
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LAST WEEKEND'S TOP MOVIES
(Weekend / Domestic Total - $ = Millions)
1) Jumanji: Welcome to... ($36 / $244)
"Reimagining," players go into video game
77% RT - Trailer - Showtimes
2) Insidious: The Last Key ($29.3) NEW
4th in horror franchise
27% RT - Trailer - Showtimes
3) Star Wars: The Last Jedi ($23.5 / $573)
Pew Pew Pew Wraaaww
90% RT - Trailer - Showtimes
4) The Greatest Showman ($13.8 / $75.9)
Hugh Jackman as circus showman (musical)
55% RT - Trailer - Showtimes
5) Pitch Perfect 3 ($10.2 / $86)
Aca Aca Aca... Choo?
30% RT - Trailer - Showtimes
6) Ferdinand ($7.7 / $70.5)
Bull who thinks love > violence
70% RT - Trailer - Showtimes
7) Molly's Game ($7 / $14.2)
Frmr Olympic skier runs covert poker game
82% RT - Trailer - Showtimes
8) Darkest Hour ($6.4 / $28.4)
Gary Oldman as Winston Churchill
85% RT - Trailer - Showtimes
9) Coco ($5.5 / $192)
Pixar X Dia de los Muertos X family
97% RT - Trailer - Showtimes
10) All the Money in... ($3.6 / $20.1)
Movie they reshot cuz of Kevin Spacey
76% RT - Trailer - Showtimes
12 Strong
AKA
"But does Thor get shirtless tho?"
WHAT'S THE DEAL
Takes on the true story of soldiers who went to Afghanistan soon after 9/11 and got into a very dangerous situation involving the Taliban. Stars Chris Hemsworth (aka Thor) and based on the book Horse Soldiers.
Looks very much in the vein of other "pro-soldier" movies (see: 13 Hours, Lone Survivor) where it focuses on the people involved vs the politics surrounding it.
Also stars Michael Shannon and Michael Peña.
Den of Thieves
AKA
"so wait, Mark Wahlberg ISN'T in this?"
WHAT'S THE DEAL
So a rapper, a rapper son's and a generic white dude walk into a movie...
Oh, you thought we were telling a joke?
Nope, just talking about good ol' Den of Thieves. The movie conservatives will throw in Hollywood's face every time they try and bring up gun regulation issues in the future.
Just think of this as the more "street" version of The Town and you've pretty much got it.
Oh, and rapper = 50 Cent, rapper's kid = Ice Cube's son and generic white dude = just some guy.
Forever My Girl
AKA
"sir, I have Nicholas Sparks' lawyer on line 2"
WHAT'S THE DEAL
Couple dates.
Couple gets engaged.
Guy leaves girl at altar.
Guy becomes huge country star.
Guy hits bottom and comes home, sees girl and... a little girl?!
Guy discovers little girl is his daughter.
Couple hum and haw at each other.
Guy almost leaves forever.
Guy comes back and....?!?!
They get together. That's what happens.
Oh, right. Spoiler alert, we guess.
RED SPARROW - March 2, 2018
Fuller trailer for the Jennifer Lawrence thriller where she plays a former ballerina recruited into a russian spy program. This one ain't no Hunger Games though - i.e. leave the kiddies at home and bring the SO.
THE STRANGERS - PREY AT NIGHT
March 9, 2018
Belated sequel (og was in 2008) to the slasher where strangers knock on the door and bad, very bad, things happen. Same premise, cept this time it's couple with their adult"ish" kids along for the ride of horror.
FLOWER - March 16, 2018
Full trailer for the indie black comedy about, well, it's complicated, but seems to involve (maybe) pedophiles, extorting men after performing sex acts and addiction. So, you know, all the funny stuff. FYI trailer is very bright in comparison to topics.