What's In Theaters: 🔫's More 🔫's and Southern Accents.
CAN YOU GUESS THE QUOTE?
(answer @ end of email)
"TRAAAAAAAIN!!!"
Quick notes today.
Make sure and peep the trailer the new Gus Van Sant movie Don't Worry, He Won't Get Far on Foot starring Joaquin Phoenix, Jonah Hill and Rooney Mara, it looks like it could be pretty great.
Also, the Show Dogs trailer, because it's darkly funny to see Will Arnett have his Furry Vengeance moment.
Also, I, Tonya and Call Me By Your Name and Phantom Thread expand this weekend.
Getting cutoff? Go here and click "the most recent edition."
12 Strong
AKA
"But does Thor get shirtless tho?"
R / 2 hr 10 mins
WHAT'S THE DEAL
Takes on the true story of soldiers who went to Afghanistan soon after 9/11 and got into a very dangerous situation involving the Taliban.
Stars Chris Hemsworth (Thor) and based on the book Horse Soldiers.
Looks very much in the vein of other "pro-soldier" movies (see: 13 Hours, Lone Survivor) where it focuses on the people involved vs the politics surrounding it (although by avoiding politics is it somewhat being political? Hmmm).
Also stars Michael Shannon (bad guy Zod in Man of Steel, bad guy in Shape of Water, bad guy in 99 Homes - he's good at playing bad guys ok? ) and Michael Peña (Crash, The Martian).
REVIEWS
Only a few reviews in so far, but it doesn't seem to do more (or less) than you expect and Chris Hemsworth is apparently most of the movie, if he's you're guy...
Confirmed it seems to gloss over the political/social issues inherent in this story.
Rotten Tomatoes Score: 45%
(11 Reviews)
ARE WE GONNA GO?
Nope.
We enjoy a bit more grey in our movies, and we don't mean the color.
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Den of Thieves
AKA
"so wait, Mark Wahlberg ISN'T in this?"
R / 1 hr 40 mins
WHAT'S THE DEAL
So a rapper, a rapper son's and a generic white dude walk into a movie...
You thought we were telling a joke?
Nope, just talking about the cast of good ol' Den of Thieves, the movie conservatives will throw in Hollywood's face every time they try and bring up gun regulation issues in the future.
Seems like if you think of this as the more "street" version of The Town you've pretty much got it.
We're actually not holding out on you either, the plot given by the studio is that some robbers want to shake down the LA Federal Reserve and cops want to stop them. The word "gritty" was used too.
Oh, and rapper = 50 Cent, rapper's kid = Ice Cube's son and generic white dude = just some guy.
REVIEWS
None yet.
Rotten Tomatoes Score: TBD
ARE WE GONNA GO?
Nope.
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Forever My Girl
AKA
"sir, I have Nicholas Sparks' lawyer on line 2"
PG / 1 hr 44 mins
WHAT'S THE DEAL
Couple dates.
Couple gets engaged.
Guy leaves girl at altar.
Guy becomes huge country star.
Guy hits bottom and comes home, sees girl and... a little girl?!
Guy discovers little girl is his daughter.
Couple hum and haw at each other.
Guy almost leaves forever.
Guy comes back and....?!?!
They get together. That's what happens.
Oh, right. Spoiler alert, we guess.
REVIEWS
Look, if you want to see this, just avoid reviews. They're not going to be helpful.
Now if you don't want to see it, we're betting reviews may be worth it if you're having a bad day and want a humorous pick me up.
So there's that.
Rotten Tomatoes Score: TBD
ARE WE GONNA GO?
Ya know, we actually kind of want to, just to see who ELSE does.
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LAST WEEKEND'S TOP MOVIES
(Weekend / Domestic Total - $ = Millions / 4 Day Totals)
1) Jumanji: Welcome to... ($35 / $291)
"Reimagining," players go into video game
76% RT - Trailer - Showtimes
2) The Post ($23 / $27.5) NEW"ISH"
Streep, Hanks, Spielberg - Wash Post v Gov
88% RT - Trailer - Showtimes
3) The Greatest Showman ($16.2 / $99)
Hugh Jackman as circus showman (musical)
55% RT - Trailer - Showtimes
4) The Commuter ($15.8) NEW
Liam Neeson on a train! You know what it is
54% RT - Trailer - Showtimes
5) Paddington 2 ($15) NEW
Adorable bear is back for more marmalade
100% RT - Trailer - Showtimes
6) Star Wars: The Last Jedi ($14.6 / $595)
Pew Pew Pew Wraaaww
91% RT - Trailer - Showtimes
7) Insidious: The Last Key ($14.4 / $51)
4th in horror franchise
32% RT - Trailer - Showtimes
8) Proud Mary ($11.7) NEW
Taraji P. Henson as conflicted hitwoman
24% RT - Trailer - Showtimes
9) Pitch Perfect 3 ($7.3 / $96)
Aca Aca Aca... Choo?
31% RT - Trailer - Showtimes
10) Darkest Hour ($5.4 / $37)
Gary Oldman as Winston Churchill
85% RT - Trailer - Showtimes
Maze Runner:
The Death Cure
AKA
"So wait, the cure for death is a maze? Do my thoughts on the geopolitical situation right now count? Or does this thought itself count as a maze. I'm so confused."
WHAT'S THE DEAL
This is the third and final film in the YA (Young Adult geeez) book based franchise and kind of the final movie in the onslaught of YA post apocalyptic book based movies that started with The Hunger Games (see Divergent, The 5th Wave etc.).
None of the franchises reached The Hunger Games levels, including Maze Runner, but at least it gets to finish out the series (the Divergent series conspicuously did not).
This one doesn't seem to differ much from the first two, but finishes the story about a shady government type org testing on children to find a cure for a disease wiping out humans.
Early reviews are split, but if you've read the books and watched the movies, it's kind of compulsory.
FUN FACT(S)
Not that fun actually... this entry in the series was delayed after the main actor, Dylan O'Brien, was injured on set (hit by a car) and they had to delay shooting for a good chunk.
Also stars the adorable kid who runs through the airport in Love Actually.
LOVE, SIMON - March 16, 2018
Second trailer. Coming of age story about kid who has it good except he hasn't come out to his friends and family, but learns of another anonymous kid going through same thing. Mostly fun positive looking. Based on the book Simon vs the Homo Sapien Agenda.
BEIRUT - April 13, 2018
Jon Hamm (Mad Men) and Rosamund Pike (Gone Girl) in story of former diplomat brought in to help negotiate with people who may have killed his family. Seems like similar tone, but less good version of Argo.
TULLY - April 20, 2018
Jason Reitman and Diablo Cody (director/writer combo of Juno & Young Adult) partner again and Charlize Theron (she was in Young Adult) stars as a mother who could use a hand. In steps "Tully."
TRAFFIK - April 27, 2018
Paula Patton and Omar Epps contend with shitty biker gang who want their phone back. Looks like less fun version of the below Breaking In.
BREAKING IN - May 11, 2018
Gabrielle Union takes down gang of hoodlums trying to F with her children (bad idea). Same people who made No Good Deed and Obsessed. Looks like fun "schlock" you get to yell at whilst watching.
DON'T WORRY, HE WON'T GET FAR ON FOOT
May 11, 2018
Gus Van Sant (Milk, Good Will Hunting) directs Joaquin Phoenix, Rooney Mara and Jonah Hill in story of an alcoholic (Phoenix) who becomes paralyzed in a car accident and becomes despondent, but comes "back" through love, cartoons and dark humor. Looks great.
SHOW DOGS - May 18, 2018
The movie version of that ad where Randy Jackson says "dog" a billion times at a showdog competition. Side note: Will Arnett stars. Double side note: WTF are you doing Will Arnett?