What's In Theaters: A Wrinkle in Dime (Bags)
GUESS THE QUOTE
"Donny, you're outta your element."
You catch those Oscars?
!!!!
Oh shit, we didn't expect anyone to say yes.
Considering it was the lowest rated show in history - 26 mill vs 43 mill four years ago.
People blame it on competition, lack of caring about movies, politics, smartphones etc.
Us?
We blame Canada. Always blame Canada.
Getting cutoff? Go here and click "the most recent edition."
A WRINKLE IN TIME
AKA
"a less trashy way to say you consumed (way) too much alcohol - e.g. "Yeeeeah, last night was a bit of a wrinkle in time...""
PG / 2 hrs / Young Adult Fantasy
WHAT'S THE DEAL
Disney takes on the classic book with Ava Duvernay (Selma) who, as of this movie, is the first non-white female to direct a movie with a $100+ million budget - rad.
But you all know the story cuz you read the book as a kid like your teacher told you to so we can move on to the reviews, right?
......
For shame (that shit's a Newbery Medal winner you know).
OMG fine, we'll do your homework:
Middle schooler Meg is all like FML because her parents are crazy smart physicists who are a lot to live up to
Life is already hard and then her dad says BRB, uh, never as he goes missing after an experiment
Luckily Meg's brother says Ohhi! and introduces Three Random Ladies from...somewhere...
Meg is all like WTF until the TRL say they can help find her dad
Things couldn't get worse, until Meg/crew learn there's a "powerful evil" who's all like OMW! to stop them
Meg is the only one that can beat it, but she has to learn how, on her own... umm, YOLO?
Got it? Cool.
TTYL!
NOTE: Chris Pine plays the dad and Orpah, Reese Witherspoon and Mindy Kaling are the TRL
REVIEWS
Are saying it's visually impressive and ambitious, but the lofty goals apparently bog it down and it gets caught in its own ambition.
Hard to know if the kiddies will notice or if adults are just being nitpicky - at the very least, it can't hurt to give it a shot.
Rotten Tomatoes Score: 44%
(75 reviews @ publish)
ARE WE GONNA GO?
We remember the book (kind of, tee hee) from our youngin days, so we're curious, but this one might stay on our proverbial shelves for a while...
SHARE THIS FLICK W/ FRIENDS
THE STRANGERS:
PREY AT NIGHT
AKA
"the "how to poo on humans" instruction manual given to all birds once they learn how to fly"
R / 1 hr 25 mins / Horror
WHAT'S THE DEAL
Honestly, there's not a lot to this. If you saw the original, you know what's to come.
For those of you newbs, this is a long delayed (10 years) sequel to the horror movie where Liv Tyler and Scott Speedman who, in addition to dealing with their impending divorce, have three random people torture and kill them.
Good times.
This one doesn't look to deviate too much from the "scary people show up, normal people shit themselves, normal people try and stay alive" theme, except (teenage) kids are involved this time.
Really the only question is, does anyone live?
Well, that, and do you care.
REVIEWS
None yet.
But our guess is the blood has been bled out of this one...
If you're pining for a really good horror flick, check out It Follows.
Rotten Tomatoes Score: TBD
(0 Reviews @ publish)
ARE WE GONNA GO?
We saw the first one and liked it actually, but unless this turns out to be something totally fresh, we're out.
GRINGO
AKA
"TBD"
R / 1 hr 50 mins / Dark Comedy (w/ Some Action)
WHAT'S THE DEAL
Hippies, they had it right man, weed is the future.
The future of capitalism.
And where there's money to be made, there are movies to made about money to be made.
In comes Gringo, a dark comedy about a, well, gringo (David Oleyowo) who gets sent down to Mexico to make that money move, but gets caught in some stuff that is probably still way less scary than the shit happening in the real Mexican drug trade. This movie is supposed to be funny - the real Mexican drug trade, is not. :/
Charlize Theron and Joel Edgerton play Oleyowo's jerk bosses (see above!).
REVIEWS
None yet.
We're hoping for a dark horse here, but not holding out that much hope.
Rotten Tomatoes Score: TBD
(0 Reviews @ publish)
ARE WE GONNA GO?
We're waitin for reviews.
But unless they're outstanding, we'll probably just roll a joint and enjoy it with our favorite weed cinema figure.
LAST WEEKEND'S TOP MOVIES
(Weekend / Domestic Total - $ = Millions)
1) Black Panther ($66.3 ) / $502)
A super, hero, movie
97% RT - Trailer - Showtimes
2) Red Sparrow ($16.9) NEW
Jennifer Lawrence plays Russian spy
49% RT - Trailer - Showtimes
3) Death Wish ($13) NEW
Bruce Willis is a vigilante
15% RT - Trailer - Showtimes
4) Game Night ($10.4 / $33)
Cards Against Humanity this ain't
81% RT - Trailer - Showtimes
5) Peter Rabbit ($10 / $84)
He steals carrots and... raps? Yes, he raps
60% RT - Trailer - Showtimes
6) Annihilation ($5.6 / $21)
Natalie Portman/female crew, trippy Sci-Fi
87% RT - Trailer - Showtimes
7) Jumanji: Welcome to... ($4.4 / $393)
"Reimagining," players go into video game
76% RT - Trailer - Showtimes
8) Fifty Shades Freed ($3.4 / $96)
Ropes, whips and oddly, social convention
12% RT - Trailer - Showtimes
9) The Greatest Showman ($2.7 / $165)
Hugh Jackman as circus showman (musical)
55% RT - Trailer - Showtimes
10) Every Day ($1.5 / $5)
Teen love story w/ body swapping
64% RT - Trailer - Showtimes
TOMB RAIDER
Alicia Vikander takes over for Angelina Jolie as the female badass adventurer(er?) who, based on the trailers, has more hops than any NBA player ever.
LOVE, SIMON
A fairly normal Hollywood coming of age story, except... the twist is that the protagonist, Simon, is gay, and trying to to figure out how to tell his friends and family - and find love at the same time.
I CAN ONLY IMAGINE
Based on the "most played contemporary Christian song." That is to say it is another entry in the recently popular religious film genre.
TULLY - April 20, 2018
Full Trailer. Charlize Theron plays a mother who needs a hand; titular character Tully, offers two. Written by Diablo Cody / directed by Jason Reitman - same team as Juno and Young Adult.
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THE SEAGULL - May 11, 2018
Saoirse Ronan, Annette Bening and others take on Chekhov.
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BOOK CLUB - May 18, 2018
Women read Fifty Shades of Grey and wanna get randy. And? The women themselves ain't fifty. Sixty? Keep going...
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CHRISTOPHER ROBIN - August 3, 2018
Pooh reunites with his friend - who is now an adult. Hmmm, this seems familiar...
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MARY POPPINS RETURNS
December 25, 2018
Feel like the title says it all on this one - Emily Blunt is the new Ms Poppins. Lin Manuel Miranda (Hamilton dude) also in it.
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