One real meal and three "why did I eat that?" desserts 🍧 🍩 🍫
GUESS THE QUOTE
"You must cut down the mightiest
tree in the forest... WITH... A HERRING!"
Quick FYI to all you Moviepassers out there. They changed their terms (for the billionth time) to only allow you to see three movies per month - same price.
Gettin cutoff? Go here, click "most recent edition."
DOG DAYS
AKA
"woof"
PG / 1 hr 52 mins
Comedy-Family / LD Entertainment
WHAT'S THE DEAL
Movie equivalent of a marshmallow. Light, fluffy with a gooey center, but once it warms up and starts to melt on you, you want to get it off. But you can't. You're stuck. Just like a dog wearing a tiara and a pink sweater (which just so happens to be a thing in this movie).
That is to say, if you're looking for heartwarming stories that are essentially moving picture versions of Hallmark cards and deal with l.o.v.e. love, that also star wo(man)'s best friend. This, our friends, is your jam.
But if all you care about is adorable puppies, pretty sure the internet has you covered.
REVIEWS
Goin two directions: "awwww" or "awwww hellll"
Liked this one though: "There is a direct correlation between how much you will enjoy "Dog Days" and how long you will let a dog lick your face." - Capital Times
Rotten Tomatoes Score: 52%
(23 reviews @ publish)
OUR TAKE
See those dogs in the photo above? Yeah, that's us, trying to look anywhere else.
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THE MEG
AKA
"Sooo, how about we go to the beach never"
PG-13 / 1 hr 54 mins
Comedy-Horror-Action / Warner Bros
WHAT'S THE DEAL
Mr. "damn right I'm the luckiest former model/fake perfume seller" Jason Statham apparently got bored of kicking humans' asses, so he's now directing his foot towards a dinosaur shark's... ass? Do sharks have asses? Backside? Tailhole? Whatever.
All you need to know is the shark is huge and Statham's proverbial boot will wind up in the end of it that is not the front. With help from Rain Wilson (Dwight!) and Chinese star Li Bingbing.
Basically, think self-aware B-movie version of Jaws.
Fun facts: yes, the hungry fella in the movie is based on a real shark, the Megalodon, and yes, the thing was friggen huge.
No, there aren't any alive (became extinct millions of years ago), that we know of...
REVIEWS
You know what it is. Don't expect much love from those negative Ned's who expect plot, character development and coherence!
Rotten Tomatoes Score: 43%
(40 reviews @ publish)
OUR TAKE
Give us some rowdy friends, a few cocktails and a pre-binge watch of Shark Week aaaand we're still likely to stay at home.
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SLENDER MAN
AKA
"yeah but like, hooow skinny is he?"
PG-13 / 1 hr 33 mins
Horror / Screen Gems (Sony)
WHAT'S THE DEAL
Straight up, this is the internet version of Candyman.
A trio of friends try to say pish-posh to internet rumors that this so not scary svelt gentleman is real. But instead of proving everyone wrong, one of the girls disappears and *shock* *gasp* *horror* the guy in need of a few Big Macs comes back for the rest of them!
Fun Fact: Slender Man was created in internet forums in 2009 as a Photoshopped image, but forum goers created creepy stories all their own.
Not Fun Facts: the movie has controversy because Slender Man was cited as the reason two young girls stabbed a friend 19 times (she lived). The move is not based on that.
REVIEWS
You won't get much insight (or positive reviews) here we imagine.
Best to make your bets off the trailer if you're a horror fiend.
Rotten Tomatoes Score: TBD
(0 reviews @ publish)
OUR TAKE
We prefer our horror flicks with a little more meat on their bones.
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INDIE"ISH" SPOTLIGHT
BLACKkKLANSMAN
AKA
"wait, how the hell is this a true story again?"
R / 2 hrs 15 mins
Comedy-Drama-Satire / Focus Features
WHAT'S THE DEAL
It's a true story.
....!?
No, for realsies! And Spike Lee did his Spike Lee thing with it and turned it into a comedy/satire that relates back to all the "fun" going on today.
Yeah, but what is the story? Ok, well as you might imagine, it's about a guy who's black, who also happens to be the first black detective on his police force, who investigates the KKK in his city (Colorado Springs).
With help from his co-cop (Adam Driver), he infiltrates and eventually becomes the head of the chapter (even getting approval from head jackass David Duke), in an effort to expose the group and their hateful bullshit.
Fun fact: the lead, John David Washington, is in fact Denzel Washington's son.
REVIEWS
Lots to say and nearly all of it good. Saying it's "entertaining" while being "joyful in its anger."
Of course saying it's "political," but we take that to mean opinionated.
Rotten Tomatoes Score: 97%
(88 reviews @ publish)
OUR TAKE
Clear movie of the week for us. We're stoked to check it out.
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ALREADY IN THEATERS + BOX OFFICE
(3-Day Weekend / Domestic Total - $ = Millions)
1) Mission: Impossible - Fall... ($35 / $125)
Ethan Hunt hunts the baddies
97% RT - Trailer - Showtimes
2) Christopher Robin ($26.6) NEW
Pooh comes to help his now stodgy friend
69% RT - Trailer - Showtimes
3) The Spy Who Dumped Me ($12.1) NEW
McKinnon/Kunis get (sorta) badass
40% RT - Trailer - Showtimes
4) Mamma Mia! Here We Go... ($9 / $91)
Abba filled musical gets a side B
79% RT - Trailer - Showtimes
5) The Equalizer 2 ($8.8 / $80)
Badass Denzel in rare return appearance
50% RT - Trailer - Showtimes
6) Hotel Transylvania 3 ($8 / $136)
Monster crew is on a boat, on a boat
59% RT - Trailer - Showtimes
7) Ant-Man and the Wasp ($6.4 / $196)
Big problems need small heroes
87% RT - Trailer - Showtimes
8) The Darkest Minds ($5.8) NEW
Non-descript YA dystopian action flick
19% RT - Trailer - Showtimes
9) Incredibles 2 ($5 / $583)
A family affair, of the superhero kind
94% RT - Trailer - Showtimes
10) Teen Titans Go! To the... ($4.8 / $21)
Secondary superheroes make some jokes
90% RT - Trailer - Showtimes
CRAZY RICH ASIANS
Girl learns her boyfriend is super wealthy (like I dropped a $100 bill on the sidewalk, oh well, and keep on walking wealthy), and goes to meet his family. Based on the book.
ALPHA
Says it's the origin story for humans and dogs set 20,000 years ago. True story this one is not. Don't expect lots of dialogue - unless grunting and howling counts?
MILE 22
Mark Wahlberg teams with his pal, the director of Lone Survivor and Patriots Day, for more gun fighting.
INDIE"ISH" SPOTLIGHT
WE THE ANIMALS
One of those snapshot of time movies that follows "life" more than a plot. A mother tries to keep her youngest boy (of three) innocent amidst turmoil.
SMALLFOOT
September 28, 2018
Final trailer. Bigfoot doesn't think we (as in humans) exist. So they try and find us. Channing Tatum plays the bigfoot explorer w/ plenty of other notables.
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THE NUTCRACKER
AND THE FOUR REALMS
November 2, 2018
Second trailer. Girl discovers a world her dead mother created, but needs to help rebuild it. Think Alice in Wonderland with different outfits and more ballet.
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IF BEALE STREET
COULD TALK
November 30, 2018
Next film from Barry Jenkins, the director of Moonlight. Based on James Baldwin book of same name where woman in Harlem struggles to prove innocence of her fiancé.
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