What's in Theaters: Sleeping? Clearly we were praying.
GUESS THE QUOTE
"Your mother's in here with us, Karras.
Would you like to leave a message?"
We finally got a chance to see Crazy Rich Asians. It was satisfying and funny in all the ways you'd expect - and interestingly really quite traditional in all the romantic comedy tropes (trappings?). We recommend a watch if you were curious.
Gettin cutoff? Go here, click "most recent edition."
THE NUN
AKA
"the church of latter day understatements"
R / 1 hr 36 mins
Horror / Warner Bros.
WHAT'S THE DEAL
Ya know, if there is a god, s/he's one hell of a sadist. Not for all the suffering, brutal wars, or crushing moral shaming done in her/his name stuff. No, we present The Nun as exhibit A.
A prequel to The Conjuring films where your precious humans use one of their most sacred institutions - sadly, not Cher - and the entire system* they use to worship you as fodder for an origin story of a demon nun who is clearly connected to this creepy cult in 1950's Romania being investigated by a good nun & complicated pastor <--- plot. All so you can cackle gleefully as you watch your devotees get freaked out by by poor lighting and jump scares, without so much as setting a bush on fire and yelling from the heavens "Chill y'all, the devil ain't real. It's just some Hollywood hack's way of getting a new pool. But if he was real, clearly he'd be John Travolta."
That, or s/he's a marketing genius and these films are clever propaganda to terrify people into continued belief. Either way, as the great Captain O'Hagan would say...
How we imagine god's response. Also, hi god!
Fun Facts: The Nun takes place before all other Conjuring movies. The lead is Taissa Farmiga, (much) younger sister of The Conjuring's lead Vera Farmiga. Hm, we smell connection.
*one of
REVIEWS
The Conjuring franchise has done very well with critics - the only L came from the first Annabelle. However, when they did have good reviews, they released them well before release. Not the case here.
Rotten Tomatoes Score: TBD
(2 reviews @ publish)
OUR TAKE
As horror fans we're slightly ashamed to say we've never seen any of The Conjuring movies, probably won't start here though.
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PEPPERMINT
AKA
"candy, but for your moral injustice meter"
R / 1 hr 42 mins
Action-Thriller / STX
WHAT'S THE DEAL
If you watched the first 15 seconds of Peppermint's trailer, you'd think this was 2010's Jennifer Garner, all smiles and heart-warming family stuff. But nope.
This is straight up revenge fantasy vigilante porn. We're talkin' Alias era badass Jen, with a scoach of Taken (it's the same director). But really, who wouldn't want some payback after your family was killed, your life ruined and the drug cartel members who were responsible got away with it because of some "corrupt judges, dirty cops, what do I want?! I want justice!!" ...ahem, sorry, got a bit too into character. So if you're in that screw the judicial system, all bad guys must die kinda mood, Peppermint's got you.
REVIEWS
None yet! But this one's pretty straightforward so not sure how helpful (or friendly) critics will be.
Rotten Tomatoes Score: TBD
(0 reviews @ publish)
OUR TAKE
We hope it all turns out all right, but it ain't right for us.
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INDIE"ISH" SPOTLIGHT
I AM NOT A WITCH
AKA
"a declaration"
Not Rated / 1 hr 30 mins
Drama-Satire / Film Movement
WHAT'S THE DEAL
Honestly, we knew nothing about this before seeing the stellar reviews and interesting trailer. But both really seemed to indicate a fresh story, and director, with a perspective not often seen by many. We can't say we know too much more beyond the major plot point of a young girl accused of being a witch and the messed up situations that puts her in. But we can tell you if you're looking for something different, this has a good chance of being it.
REVIEWS
That 💯on RT says a lot, but The Hollywood Reporter helps, "A fable-like story about a young African girl banished from her village for alleged witchcraft, it blends deadpan humor with light surrealism, vivid visuals and left-field musical choices."
Rotten Tomatoes Score: 100%
(43 reviews @ publish)
OUR TAKE
Not sure we'll make it before it leaves theaters, but it's definitely on this year's list.
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ALREADY IN THEATERS + BOX OFFICE
(4-Day Weekend / Domestic Total - $ = Millions)
1) Crazy Rich Asians ($28.6 / $117)
Cultural moment romantic comedy
93% RT - Trailer - Showtimes
2) The Meg ($13.8 / $124)
Tiny shark movie
46% RT - Trailer - Showtimes
3) Mission: Impossible - Fa... ($9.3 / $207)
Ethan Hunt hunts the baddies
97% RT - Trailer - Showtimes
4) Operation Finale ($7.9) NEW
Mossad grabs Nazi hiding in Argentina
61% RT - Trailer - Showtimes
5) Searching ($7.6 / $8)
John Cho thriller / everything on screens
91% RT - Trailer - Showtimes
6) Christopher Robin ($7.2 / $88)
Pooh comes to help his now stodgy friend
70% RT - Trailer - Showtimes
7) Alpha ($6 / $29)
Boy meets wolf adventure story
82% RT - Trailer - Showtimes
8) BlackKklansman ($5.6 / $40)
The hate group gets unexpected member
95% RT - Trailer - Showtimes
9) Happytime Murders ($5.4 / $18)
Puppets after dark
23% RT - Trailer - Showtimes
10) Mile 22 ($4.8 / $33)
Marky Mark shoot em up
22% RT - Trailer - Showtimes
THE PREDATOR
It's 2018, but those Predators still love them some fishnet leggings (see photo). Must be the breathability. /shrug That is to say, yes it may be 2018, but this is still "a Predator movie." If that means something to you, you're the audience, if it doesn't, you prolly aren't.
A SIMPLE FAVOR
We think the title for this one might belie itself of some complexities, no? Mr. Paul Feig (Bridesmaids, The Heat) goes into more dramatic territory with a mystery starring Anna Kendrick & Ms. Blake Lively.
WHITE BOY RICK
True story time. Teen acts as youngest FBI informant, but they later abandon him, and he becomes a drug dealer - with Matthew McConaughey playing his father. Early reviews split.
INDIE"ISH" SPOTLIGHT
MANDY
Nic Cage doing his Nic Cage thing, but apparently it results in a pretty great gonzo (read: weird, bloody & hyper-stylized) love story. This... will not be for everyone.
HALLOWEEN
October 19, 2018
Second trailer. Michael Myers gets out of jail. Jamie Lee Curtis is waiting. This is a sequel to the 1978 original, they're treating it as if the other movies never happened.
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THE NUTCRACKER AND
THE FOUR REALMS
November 2, 2018
Second full trailer (more action scenes). Girl discovers a world her dead mother created, but needs to help rebuild it. Basically Alice in Wonderland, with different outfits. Keira Knightley plays sugar plum fairy.
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AT ETERNITY'S GATE
November 16, 2018
Van Gogh in the last years of his life, as done by Willem Dafoe (same director as Basquiat).
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THE FRONT RUNNER
November 21, 2018
Hugh Jackman as Gary Hart, an '88 Democratic Pres candidate who had an affair which became a (big) campaign story. Directed by Jason Reitman (Juno, Tully).
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THE FAVOURITE
November 23, 2018
Next movie from director of The Lobster. Rachel Weiz and Emma Stone via for love of the queen (Olivia Colman). Looks dark and wild (the fun kind).
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