Movies Themselves. And other less pompous word combinations
GUESS THE QUOTE
"Alright everyone, chill."
We had some time to kill and partly a need to spite Moviepass (god is it awful now) so we saw The Predator. It pretty much met our expectations. Whiiiich were that it'd be terrible.
Gettin cutoff? Go here, click "most recent edition."
THE HOUSE WITH
A CLOCK IN ITS WALLS
AKA
"what it feels like we live in everytime our alarm goes off"
PG / 1 hr 44 mins
Fantasy-Family-Comedy / Universal
WHAT'S THE DEAL
Based on a book about an orphan who learns to control magic. Hmm, sounds familiar.
House actually predates the four eyed Gryffindor...ion (Harry Potter for us Muggles out there), but it takes a similar outcast kid approach. Lucky for the burgeoning warlock, he has Jack Black and Cate Blanchett as his guardians and teachers. Differences include a more grandiose comedic sense (see: Jack Black) as well as a distinct, but still PG, horror tone (see: Eli Roth directing). Similarities include evil baddy who wants to destroy the world (see: Kyle MacLachlan from Twin Peaks as the sinister warlock who embedded the clock in the walls).
As for why the clock tocks and ticks, well, that answers for you to conjure up yourself. Or, ya know, go see the movie.
Fun Fact: the original book had drawings by Edward Gorey, the celebrated macabre surrealist.
REVIEWS
The score is just ok, but we think it's probably a bit due to the adults wanting to "adult" too hard. Plenty of reviewers loving the combo of "soft PG horror" for the kiddies and the laughs by Black and Blanchett.
Rotten Tomatoes Score: 63%
(43 reviews @ publish)
OUR TAKE
Not the best defense, but it seems better than many of the worse options out there for youngins. Plus, it has Black and Blanchett who rarely not fun to watch.
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LIFE ITSELF
AKA
"death beswift"
R / 1 hr 57 mins
Drama / Amazon
WHAT'S THE DEAL
If you hadn't gathered by the name, this one's goin' for the feels, all of them. Which makes sense, it's written and directed by Dan Fogelman, the guy who created "can you get me a tissue, where are the damn tissues, oh jesus not again, I used all the tissues" This is Us.
So everybody who isn't a heartless stooge come on board yeah? Well....
The official description uses the phrase "celebrates the human condition." Strike one. Second problem, we also have no discernable story to tell you except that there will be sweeping indie rock to accompany "life stuff" (think death, birth, marriage etc.). Final nail, the reviews are the equivalent of the smiling poop emoji, except without the smile.
All this to say, approach with caution.
REVIEWS
Really bad. Like, so bad US Weekly called it "An overwrought tearjerker that shoves trite life lessons down your throat along with a vat of sugar."
Rotten Tomatoes Score: 11%
(36 reviews @ publish)
OUR TAKE
You know you f'd up when a gossip rag calls you trite.
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FAHRENHEIT 11/9
AKA
"it's getting hot in here"
R / 2 hrs 6 mins
Documentary / Briarcliff
WHAT'S THE DEAL
Michael Moore's love letter to George Bush et al, Fahrenheit 9/11, is the highest grossing documentary ever. Is that because he made a really good movie, or because a good chunk of people were really pissed off? Don't worry, it's rhetorical.
Our point being, Moore's new takedown of Trump (11/9 is of course the day after the 2016 election) will be seen as both a critically important film, and for others, about as important as a deer pissin' in the woods. :/
But if you're keen on Moore's brand of activist filmmaking, or you just love to hate him, you'll likely be rewarded.
REVIEWS
Politics aside, the reviews key in on Moore's ferocity with which he approaches the topics. And for that he's getting lots of praise.
Rotten Tomatoes Score: 89%
(38 reviews @ publish)
OUR TAKE
We always appreciate a discussion provoker.
INDIE"ISH" SPOTLIGHT
THE SISTERS BROTHERS
AKA
"oddly, not a female centric remake of Twins"
R / 2 hrs 1 min
Dark Comedy-Western / Annapurna
WHAT'S THE DEAL
Westerns have seen a sort of renaissance in the last decade or so, with True Grit, Hateful Eight, Django Unchained, plus the lesser seen Slow West and Bone Tomahawk as examples. Key throughline with these seems to be a grey moral ambiguity and often a dark comedic tone. The Sisters Brothers looks to continue the trend, with maybe a slight bend towards the comedic.
John C. Reilly and Joaquin Phoenix are the brothers that are not sisters, but named them. And they're killers, both for money and for fun. The story sees them chase Jake Gyllenhaal and Riz Ahmed (Rogue One), who plays a fugitive chemist tryin to get his gold during the rush. We'd approach this one with the expectation you'll be surprised along the way.
REVIEWS
Very positive. Noting that it's funny, and yet thoughtful. The Wrap "It's a sprawling Western that's also an intimate character piece; it has moments of wit but also devastating tragedy; it delves into larger themes, and yet it offers the hope of redemption."
Rotten Tomatoes Score: 85%
(40 reviews @ publish)
OUR TAKE
Love us some moral ambiguity and brotherly fighting.
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ALREADY IN THEATERS + BOX OFFICE
(3-Day Weekend / Domestic Total - $ = Millions)
1) The Predator ($24.6) NEW
They're back, and they're bigger
34% RT - Trailer - Showtimes
2) The Nun ($18.2 / $85)
The Conjuring nun gets her own prequel
27% RT - Trailer - Showtimes
3) A Simple Favor ($16) NEW
Neo-noir cheeky mystery
83% RT - Trailer - Showtimes
4) White Boy Rick ($8.9) NEW
'80's kid FBI informant turned drug dealer
58% RT - Trailer - Showtimes
5) Crazy Rich Asians ($8.7 / $150)
Cultural moment romantic comedy
93% RT - Trailer - Showtimes
6) Peppermint ($6 / $24)
Jenn Garner revenge flick/Taken director
11% RT - Trailer - Showtimes
7) The Meg ($3.9 / $137)
Tiny shark movie
46% RT - Trailer - Showtimes
8) Searching ($3.2 / $20)
John Cho thriller / everything on screens
92% RT - Trailer - Showtimes
9) Mission: Impossible - Fa... ($2.3 / $216)
Ethan Hunt hunts the baddies
97% RT - Trailer - Showtimes
10) Unbroken: Path to Rede... ($2.2) NEW
Religious focused semi-sequel to Unbroken
28% RT - Trailer - Showtimes
NIGHT SCHOOL
Kevin Hart goes back to school, Tiffany Haddish gets to punch him in the face and tell him he's dumb. #teacheroftheyear
SMALLFOOT
They (see: bigfoot) try and find us (see: smallfoot). Big voice cast, with Channing Tatum as lead.
HELL FEST
Horror flick (duh) set in Halloween theme park where flailing teens can't tell what's real and what's props!
INDIE"ISH" SPOTLIGHT
THE OLD MAN
AND THE GUN
Robert Redford starring in his (maybe) last movie about an affable robber. Early reviews are very generous and seems it's a fitting end for Redford (as an actor).
BEAUTIFUL BOY
November 9, 2018
Second trailer. Steve Carrell is dad to Timothée Chalamet (last year's best actor nominee) who's dealing with addiction. Based on memoirs from real father/son.
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THE GIRL IN THE SPIDER'S WEB
November 9, 2018
Second trailer. New Lisbeth (Claire Foy from The Crown), new director too. Avoid if you're already in, seems to give a decent chunk away.
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THE GRINCH
November 9, 2018
Third trailer. Illumination (Minions) do the green guy story. Benedict Cumberbatch plays the angry one. Looks better pretty adorable.
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MARY POPPINS RETURNS
December 19, 2018
Emily Blunt is the new Ms. Poppins. Story (oddly since they're both Disney) seems very similar to recent Christopher Robin.
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CAPTAIN MARVEL
March 8, 2019
Teaser. First solely female led Marvel movie. Brie Larson gets the powers. Set in the 1990's.
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CAPTIVE STATE
March 29, 2019
Aliens become our leaders. Directed by Rupert Wyatt who did Rise of the Planet of the Apes.
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STAN & OLLIE
Release Date TBD
Biopic on Laurel and Hardy - Steve Coogan and John C. Reilly respectively.
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