Fantastic Movies and the Crimes of Others That Suck
GUESS THE QUOTE
"CAPTAIN. Deadpool"
Note: the movie A Private War is expanding this week. We didn't feature it last week, but it's gotten solid reviews. It's a biopic of the famous, and badass, war reporter Marie Colvin, played by Rosamund Pike, who was killed in Syria after a lifetime of frontline journalism.
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FANTASTIC BEASTS:
THE CRIMES OF GRINDELWALD
AKA
"there goes Johnny Depp gettin into the powdered sugar again... oh wait, is that cocaine?!"
PG-13 / 2 hrs 14 mins
Fantasy-Family-Action / Warner Bros
WHAT'S THE DEAL
It's another story in the world of Harry Potter, minus the Potter and the Harry part. Although things will get quite hairy, what with whimsical creatures and evil wizards abound - with Johnny Depp leading the baddies as the titular Grindelwald (was played by Colin Farrell in the first Fantastic Beasts. Shapeshifting, so wily- and such a convenient plot device).
As for the plot, it sounds about as complicated as a spell to get rid of an Acromantula - which we're guessing is pretty damn complicated, did you see that thing? (FYI we totally googled "evil Harry Potter creatures"). Eddie Redmayne as Newt is back to stop Grindelwald, along with a ton of friends, and you can bet they'll get into extremely pretty (and expensive as shit) hijinks as he does.
But to be clear, the lightning bolt scarred orphan ain't anywhere near this one, so come for the magic, and stay because, well, you paid for it.
Note: Harry Potter author J.K. Rowling wrote the script.
REVIEWS
"Rowling has surrendered to her maximalist tendencies and so cluttered up the story that you spend far too much time trying to untangle who did what to whom and why." - The NY Times
Rotten Tomatoes Score: 51%
(51 reviews @ publish)
WHO'S IT (NOT) FOR?
For: those who would be wizards
(Not): muggles <-- if you don't know what that is, you are it. People who don't like an overstuffed story.
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WIDOWS
AKA
"women always havin to clean up after their men....'s dead bodies"
R / 2 hrs 8 mins
Action-Drama / Fox
WHAT'S THE DEAL
The next movie from the dude (Steve McQueen) who directed 12 Years A Slave, is a... heist flick? Damn straight. He even went all Hollywood and employed the help of Gone Girl writer Gillian Flynn. Then said to Viola Davis, "You busy?" and she was all like "I am now!" Both were apparently very good decisions, because the movie is getting a lot of positive feedback.
And not just because the leads are female in traditionally male dominated roles/subject matter (they are), it deals deftly with power and social dynamics (it does), it brings an "artistic sense" to a mainstream genre (um, sure), but because it's a good heist movie (GHM) - and people like a GHM. But we bet they (and you) will like a GHM more when it has a point of view and "things to say." But even if you don't want all that, after you step out of that dark theater, you'll still likely be fat with satisfaction (and junior mints - mmm junior mints).
REVIEWS
Really really good.
"He’s [McQueen] made a proudly mainstream movie—an exciting and fun one, even—that wants to make you think as it quickens your pulse." - The A.V. Club
Rotten Tomatoes Score: 95%
(130 reviews @ publish)
WHO'S IT (NOT)FOR?
For: anyone over 18 who's even remotely into heist/action movies
(Not): misogynist asshats. People who don't like action movies
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INSTANT FAMILY
AKA
"just add water, and sugar, lots and lots of sugar"
PG-13 / 1 hr 57 mins
Comedy / Paramount
WHAT'S THE DEAL
Look, be honest, what kind of person are you? Do you see the glass as half full, or do you see the glass and say "Water? How the hell do I know it's water? It's probably spit."
If you're the latter, you'll wanna move along, this one ain't for you. The former? You might want to at least consider this one.
Because while it's another formulaic Mark Wahlberg family comedy (man, once that dude finds his groove, he reeeeally finds his groove), this time it's less goofy and more family - at least that's what the reviews are saying. Sure, you're gonna get your groaner jokes, but many of you might get that feeling you get when hugging puppies too. Which makes sense when you're dealing with two parents adopting three foster kids who are hispanic and wary of their "white saviors" and it all comes together perfectly (if a little too perfectly).
Note: based on the writer/director's (who also directed the Daddy's Home movies) experience with his wife and adopting their kids from foster care.
REVIEWS
"[It] looks, sounds, and sometimes acts like a dumb comedy. But stick with it, and you'll discover that Sean Anders' latest is an earnest, moving family drama that just happens to be kinda funny." - The Wrap
Rotten Tomatoes Score: 76%
(21 reviews @ publish)
WHO'S IT (NOT)FOR?
For: those who think that 25 Days of Christmas TV movie marathon is 340 days too short
(Not): people who think the Hallmark channel was started by Satan
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LIMITED RELEASE SPOTLIGHT
GREEN BOOK
AKA
"a book dealing with color, just not the one(s) you might think"
PG-13 / 2 hrs 10 mins
Drama / Universal
WHAT'S THE DEAL
Got a joke for ya. So one of the Farrelly brothers who's responsible for epic, but admittedly goofy comedies Dumb and Dumber and Something About Mary, decides to direct a movie about... racism in the Deep South in the 60's?
Yeah, one of the dudes responsible for "is that hair gel?" does a Hollywood take on the not funny at all issue of black people traveling via car across the US in the middle of the 20th century, and the awfulness they encountered. They used "The Green Book," a guide created by Victor Hugo Green to help them find friendly places and faces. Except in this story the car isn't driven by a black man, but a white man (Viggo Mortensen), who is chauffeur/bodyguard to a black classical pianist (Mahershala Ali) on tour. Yeah, it's a little like Driving Miss Daisy, but with Miss Daisy behind the wheel and when people give crap to Morgan Freeman, she head butts the crap out of 'em.
Oh right, the joke we promised.
Q: What do you call a snobby thief walking down the stairs?
A: A condescending con... descending. ;)
REVIEWS
Really praising Ali and Mortensen - sounds like they elevate what is otherwise a fairly straightforward movie on racism.
"It's the master class put on by Viggo Mortensen and Mahershala Ali that powers this moving and often hilarious work and gives it mass appeal." - USA Today
Rotten Tomatoes Score: 92%
(36 reviews @ publish)
WHO'S IT (NOT) FOR?
For: those who enjoy a "heartwarming" take on the dark side of humans
(Not): for people who need their stories of human shitiness to get deep into the muck
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ALREADY IN THEATERS + BOX OFFICE
(3-Day Weekend / Domestic Total - $ = Millions)
1) The Grinch ($67.5) NEW
The green one goes modern
56% RT - Trailer - Showtimes
2) Bohemian Rhapsody ($31.2 / $100)
Queen / Freddie Mercury biopic
62% RT - Trailer - Showtimes
3) Overlord ($10.2) NEW
Nazis make zombies / JJ Abrams produced
80% RT - Trailer - Showtimes
4) The Nutcracker & The F... ($10.1 / $36)
Live action Disney take on holiday classic
33% RT - Trailer - Showtimes
5) A Star is Born ($8.1 / $178)
Bradley Cooper/Lady Gaga love story
90% RT - Trailer - Showtimes
6) The Girl in the Spider's... ($7.8) NEW
The Dragon Tattoo is back, if a bit faded
42% RT - Trailer - Showtimes
7) Nobody's Fool ($6.6 / $24)
Tyler Perry + Tiffany Haddish comedy
20% RT - Trailer - Showtimes
8) Venom ($4.9 / $206)
Spider-Man nemesis movie, w/ no Spidey
29% RT - Trailer - Showtimes
9) Halloween ($4 / $157)
Nee noo noo nee noo noo nee
79% RT - Trailer - Showtimes
10) The Hate U Give ($2.1 / $27)
Girl deals w/ split lives & death of friend
96% RT - Trailer - Showtimes
CREED II
Do you remember Rocky IV where Russian Ivan Drago kills Apollo Creed? Well Adonis, Apollo's son does, and he wants revenge - via Ivan's son.
RALPH BREAKS THE INTERNET
Ralph and Vanellope make it to the internet, with all the madness that entails (for a Disney movie). Early reviews are really good.
ROBIN HOOD
And another one. *sigh* This time in that ultra modern Guy Ritchie style (think Robert Downey Jr. in Sherlock Holmes).
LIMITED RELEASE SPOTLIGHT
THE FAVOURITE
We saw this last night and it's fantastic. Next from The Lobster director. Rachel Weisz and Emma Stone ply their acerbic wit and schemes to gain the affection (and control) of the "mad" Queen of England.
ON THE BASIS OF SEX
December 25, 2018
Second trailer. The Notorious RBG (Ruth Bader Ginsburg) gets the biopic treatment.
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ALITA: BATTLE ANGEL
February 14, 2019
Third trailer. More action finally (still looks like a miss though). Alita is a cyborg who is key to defeating some baddies. Based on the Japanese comic. Keys: directed by Robert Rodriguez & produced by James Cameron.
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FIGHTING WITH MY FAMILY
February 22, 2019
British kids who idolize american wrestling and The Rock (who makes a couple cameos) get a shot. Based on a true story. Directed by Stephen Merchant.
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GLORIA BELL
March 8, 2019
Julianne Moore works during the day and dances in clubs at night and loves it. She meets John Turturro and things get complicated. Really good early reviews. Same director as A Fantastic Woman (last year's foreign language film Oscar winner).
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WONDER PARK
March 8, 2019
Someone drank their four..teenth coffee before making this trailer. Girl is drawn to run down park where her imagination can bring it back to life.
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CAPTIVE STATE
March 29, 2019
Full trailer. Aliens become our leaders and we resist. Directed by Rupert Wyatt who did Rise of the Planet of the Apes.
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MISSING LINK
April 12, 2019
Next movie from stop motion outfit Laika, who did Coraline and Boxtrolls. Zach Galifianakis voices "Mr. Link" who needs some help finding his people. Hugh Jackman and Zoe Saldana add voices too.
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UGLY DOLLS
May 10, 2019
Basically another Trolls movie. Lots of singing and you're ok as who you are affirmations.
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POKÉMON DETECTIVE PIKACHU
May 10, 2019
Live action where Pokémon and humans live amongst each other. Ryan Reynolds voices Pikachu who can apparently say more than "pika pika," but only one lucky(?) kid can hear it.
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TOY STORY 4
June 21, 2019
Teaser. The crew is back. Start practicing your "I'm not crying" excuses now.
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