They chose Magikarp. Lol, n00bs.
GUESS THE QUOTE
"Playing football at West Canaan
may have been the opportunity of your lifetime,
but I don’t want your life!"
We prooobably should've featured Tolkien this week, but we didn't. It stars Nicholas Hoult (Beast in the X-Men movies) as The Lord of the Rings author as well as Lily Collins (Okja); reviews are pretty mixed and it just looks kinda meh. But if you're keen, take a look. FYI it's a somewhat limited release so not a guarantee it's in your city.
Gettin cutoff? Go here, click "most recent edition."
DETECTIVE PIKACHU
AKA
"the name we dare you to use the next time you walk up to a crime scene and the cops ask who the hell you are"
PG / 1 hr 44 mins
Comedy-Animated-Family / Warner Bros
WHAT'S THE DEAL
It's secretly Deadpool 3! See, a quarter of the way through the movie, Ryan Reynolds, dressed as the "Merc with a Mouth," comes into frame and slices Pikachu (also voiced by Reynolds) in two fluffy bloody halves with one of his katanas (we hope it's Bea). Oh man, are parents going to be pissed.
....?!
Are we messin' with you? Of course we're messin' with you. But only mostly. Because tbh, Reynolds doesn't seem to stray far from his superhero alter ego in voicing the lightning tailed one - just with, ya know, none of the violence, sex, or swear words. Which may seem like all of it, but we'd argue his acerbic wit is a good 80% of Deadpool, and you'll get 100% of that here.
This may feel incongruous when combined with a kids franchise (which is apparently the highest grossing media franchise... ever), but that's kind of the goal. This movie is a bunch of odd just smashed together. The story itself is a departure for the Pokémon franchise too, in that Pokémon and humans live together in a city, even though they can't talk to each other (how's that again?). In comes Reynold's Pikachu (RP) who can talk, but can only be heard by one person, the son of the man who was RP's partner. Problem is, RP's partner is missing, feared murdered and RP and "son" need to find him otherwise chaos and destruction for humans and Pokémon.
...maaaaybe we should've just stuck with that whole Deadpool 3 thing.
REVIEWS
More good than bad, although it apparently may have benefited from going even further into its weirdness hole.
"If you're not a Pokémon devotee, imagine watching 'Who Framed Roger Rabbit' after a PCP binge and you'll get the idea." - Philip De Semlyen, Time Out
Rotten Tomatoes Score: 69%
(81 reviews @ publish)
WHO'S IT (NOT) FOR?
For: if you still play Pokémon Go (oh, you already have tickets, oh, ok, cool cool)
(Not): if you have zero clue what the hell a Pikachu is
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THE HUSTLE
AKA
"least enjoyable phrase uttered by tech bros,
as voted on by people standing anywhere near them "
PG-13 / 1 hr 33 mins
Comedy / MGM
WHAT'S THE DEAL
Hate to say this is simply a gender swapped remake of 1988's Dirty Rotten Scoundrels, in the vein of the recent Ghostbusters and Ocean's 8, buuuut guess it was just said, wasn't it. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Now, it is the above, but if it helps the situation, it was reportedly Rebel Wilson who came up with the idea vs the studio. Which, ok, that makes it a little more enticing. And apparently the marks this time are men who've been shitty to women which, ok, cool, total wish fulfillment and totally 2019.
Now as you might imagine, Anne Hathaway takes over as the "pinky up" sorta con-artist living in the south of France (i.e. Michael Caine), and Rebel Wilson is more the type who would probably lose a pinky to snag a hundo in one of her schemes (i.e. Steve Martin). They meet up, become frenemies, decide to fleece a tech billionaire and hijinks will happen along the way.
So yeah, the movie is basically like Dom Perignon and Fosters mixed for a nice little beverage. It's probably gonna taste gross to lots of people and will almost certainly give you a hangover, but it could be fun for a little while.
REVIEWS
None yet, but since we haven't seen reviews, don't bet on there being tons of great ones.
Rotten Tomatoes Score: TBD
(0 reviews @ publish)
WHO'S IT (NOT) FOR?
For: people livin that broad mainstream comedy life
(Not): people who still dislike Anne Hathaway (but don't really have a good reason why). <-- still?
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POMS
AKA
"the movie you'll forget, but the argument you'll remember forever"
PG-13 / 1 hr 31 mins
Comedy / STX
WHAT'S THE DEAL
Diane Keaton who may or may not be dying (she is - it's in the trailer!), joins Pam Grier, Jacki Weaver and Cheers great Rhea Perlman at a retirement community who then become friends and form a cheerleading squad because #movies.
Now, if you ask Anjelica Huston, these kinds of roles are "humiliating." But then if you ask Weaver about Huston's comments, she'll say "Well, she can go fuck herself."
😲
Now that's a little added spice to an otherwise amiable (if forgettable) looking comedy where the biggest villains are judgement and gravity. But what both Weaver and Huston agree upon is the issue of a lack of roles for women, and especially as they age. It's just that Weaver thinks making jokes about sagging boobs and a lack of old dude erections (you're welcome) is a fair way to make a living, and Huston would prefer to inhabit mysterious assassin bosses in movies like John Wick.
To both we say, YDY. Which is exactly the same thing we'll say to you about this movie.
REVIEWS
None yet, but considering it looks like a non-sequitur sequel to last year's Book Club (which also starred Keaton), we imagine it'll get similarly mixed, if some "it's harmless" nods.
Rotten Tomatoes Score: TBD
(0 reviews @ publish)
WHO'S IT (NOT) FOR?
For: people who love a cheesy heartwarming comedy with good actors
(Not): if you agree with Huston / are in fact Anjelica Huston
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LIMITED RELEASE SPOTLIGHT
THE BIGGEST
LITTLE FARM
AKA
"so how large IS this place exactly?"
PG / 1 hr 31 mins
Documentary / NEON
WHAT'S THE DEAL
Young white couple from Santa Monica California adopts a dog who "saves their lives," has no prior farming knowledge, but decides to (somehow) buy 200 acres of land to raise pigs, goats / grow dozens of different crops while going through tribulations and trials of fires, bug invasions, severe drought & more.
So uh, yeah, this one will beg questions of entitlement and "aren't there bigger problems in the world?" The response to those queries are almost assuredly yes, and more. But even with those answers lingering, it seems the positive outlook and engrossment in nature might allow this one to seep in and create a nice fuzzy warm feeling. Because while most of us barely know the difference between a spade and hoe, watching farms (especially in awesome cinematography) never gets old. Dogs chasing chickens, the promise of spring, hard labor begetting tangible (and edible) results.
Yes, there are bigger problems in the world, but this may be an enjoyable (and even educational) diversion from them.
REVIEWS
"Once the film drops its initial idealization of back-to-the-land fantasies in favor of a more realistic assessment of the challenges involved, it becomes genuinely involving and heartening." - Todd McCarthy, The Hollywood Reporter
Rotten Tomatoes Score: 92%
(12 reviews @ publish)
WHO'S IT (NOT) FOR?
For: people who've ever uttered (heh) the words "I'd love to have a farm," and want a good reason to say "buuuut maybe later"
(Not): for people who think a nugget is a part of a chicken - scratch that! definitely go see this movie if you think chickens have nuggets
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ALREADY IN THEATERS + BOX OFFICE
(3-Day Weekend / Domestic Total - $ = millions)
1) Avengers: Endgame ($147 / $621)
The end before the new beginning
95% RT - Trailer - Showtimes
2) The Intruder ($10.9) NEW
Dennis Quaid goes full bonkers on couple
28% RT - Trailer - Showtimes
3) Long Shot ($9.7) NEW
Charlize Theron & Seth Rogen... makeout?
83% RT - Trailer - Showtimes
4) UglyDolls ($8.6) NEW
Happy empowerment music time
33% RT - Trailer - Showtimes
5) Captain Marvel ($4.3 / $421)
Lucky 21?
78% RT - Trailer - Showtimes
6) Breakthrough ($3.9 / $33)
Kid comes back from coma / faith based
65% RT - Trailer - Showtimes
7) The Curse of La Llorona ($3.7 / $38)
Ghost mother tries to steal children
30% RT - Trailer - Showtimes
8) Shazam! ($2.5 / $135)
BIG crossed with Superman
90% RT - Trailer - Showtimes
9) Dumbo ($1.5 / $110)
Live action (cept the big eared little guy)
47% RT - Trailer - Showtimes
10) Little ($1.4 / $39)
Body switching comedy
45% RT - Trailer - Showtimes
JOHN WICK:
CHAPTER 3 - PARABELLUM
Wick gets a $14 million bounty on his head. But let's be real, everyone's here for Keanu Reeves kicking ass on a horse, right?
A DOG'S JOURNEY
Thought they already released this? Nope, that's A Dog's Way Home, or A Dog's Purpose, to which to this is a sequel. Whatever. They're sappy dog movies, doesn't matter, you'll cry all the same.
THE SUN
IS ALSO A STAR
Romance movie where "he" (Charles Melton - Riverdale) is a romantic and "she" (Yara Shahidi - Black"ish"/Grown"ish") is not. He thinks they can fall in love in a day, even as she is spending her last day in NYC. Do they? Do we have to answer?
SPIDER-MAN:
FAR FROM HOME
July 2, 2019
Full trailer. Spider-man goes on a summer vacation and meets trouble, and Mysterio (Jake Gyllenhaal). NOTE: don't watch if you haven't seen (and care about spoilers for) Avengers: Endgame. Seriously.
ADD TO YOUR CALENDAR
Apple Google Outlook
CRAWL
July 12, 2019
There's a hurricane, and a few alligators get play time with some humans (not crocodiles mind you). Kind of like The Meg, but more horror movie than action movie.
ADD TO YOUR CALENDAR
Apple Google Outlook
THE FAREWELL
July 12, 2019
Awkwafina (Crazy Rich Asians, best part of Ocean's 8) in a story about a family who doesn't tell their grandmother she's dying (apparently based on a real situation). Premiered at Sundance and was universally liked (i.e. 100% on RT).
ADD TO YOUR CALENDAR
Apple Google Outlook
THE LODGE
Fall, 2019
Riley Keough (The Girlfriend Experience) gets snowed in with her fiancé's two kids and shit gets weird, like the horror movie kind of weird. Premiered at Sundance at got some solid reviews - "unsettling" was used a lot.
ADD TO YOUR CALENDAR
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