Warning: this movie has lots of dead dogs. And it ain't John Wick.
GUESS THE QUOTE
"I'd like to take his face... off."
Many of this week's movies are strongly subjective in their "quality" and dependent on where you stand on a few things. So while the reviews are what they are, it's always worth noting that they're still someone else's opinion and maybe, ya know, you're different?
Gettin cutoff? Go here, click "most recent edition."
JOHN WICK:
CHAPTER 3 - PARABELLUM
AKA
"NRA recruitment tool"
R / 2 hrs 11 mins
Action / Lionsgate (Summit)
WHAT'S THE DEAL
Part three of a franchise that is not much beyond ridonkulously awesome choreographed ultra-violent set pieces (makes sense) tied together with Keanu quips, lots (and lots) of rain, cool lighting and... puppies. Basically, we're at a point where much of this franchise is known - that ain't a bad thing - so how about the unknowns.
Like why the hell "parabellum" and why add it so your film title is longer than the line of people with unnervingly strong opinions on this season of GOT? Turns out, it's Latin for "prepare for war," and is notably used in the phrase Si vis pacem, para bellum, meaning "If you want peace, prepare for war" Huh. Well, that's kind of... perfectly fitting and badass, ooor completely pretentious bullshit unless the supporting product has the attitude to back it up. But this is John f'n Wick! These movies exist on attitude (and guns, lots of guns), so yeah, parabellum kinda works.
What else don't we know - how about if Mr. Reeves does (most of) his own stunts? He is 54 afterall. Turns out, yup. How about if this is the last tale in the Wickverse - definitely not. How many people has John Wick killed so far - 205 (chapter 1 - chapter 2). Does this one keep up the pace of action inventiveness and fun? Really seems to (see below). How about if our intense love of incredibly brutal weapon soaked action movies is at all a cause for any of our social ills. Maaaaybe some things are better left unknown... 😁💥🔫
REVIEWS
Reviewers love it so much a fifth grader would tell 'em to marry it.
"You can wait around and hope for a bigger, badder burst of action fireworks than John Wick 3, but you'd be kidding yourself. The wow factor is off the charts." - Peter Travers, Rolling Stone
Rotten Tomatoes Score: 92%
(90 reviews @ publish)
WHO'S IT (NOT) FOR?
For: you loved the first two
(Not): you hate violence, no matter how "beautifully" it's presented
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A DOG'S JOURNEY
AKA
"mostly sleeping"
PG / 1 hr 48 mins
Drama-Family-Comedy / Universal
WHAT'S THE DEAL
It's the third movie in as many years based on "A Dog's... something." Hell, even the lauded Google algorithm can't tell them apart. But technically this is a sequel to A Dog's Purpose, which saw Dennis Quaid bookending a story about a dog, Bailey (voiced by Josh Gad), helping different humans over the course of many lives. Wait, so the dog died, but came back to life? Well yeah, like a bunch of times and then eventually found its way back to Quaid. So these are dog zombie movies? Well, no, Bailey dies, but then comes back to life, but in a different dog body. So these are parasitic brain dog zombie movies?! Damn it, no. It's... well, now that you mention it. We don't know that it's not a parasitic brain dog zombie. Cuz if you think... Ok, we're way off track here.
In short, Bailey the dog finished its work with Quaid, but now his granddaughter needs her help over the course of her life. But "over the course of her life" means Bailey will, (don't say it...) die, over and over (damn it, now we're crying), but each time, Bailey will come back and put their adorable cold, love you no matter what, nose right in their human's face; whether it's wanted or not. Because that's just what dogs do (christ, nw ur kybrd is brkn frm ll th trs). *switches to waterproof phone*
To be clear, there's a 95% chance you will cry if you watch this movie. But also to be clear, that says way more about your love for dogs than it does about the movie's quality.
REVIEWS
Well, it has more recommendations than not, but this apparently counts as an endorsement...
"A steady stream of corn-syrup sentiment binding what would otherwise amount to a feature-length montage of adorable doggy reaction GIFs." - Guy Lodge, Variety
Rotten Tomatoes Score: 64%
(22 reviews @ publish)
WHO'S IT (NOT) FOR?
For: you carry your dog in your purse and you don't give a damn who knows it
(Not): people who hate crying in front of other humans / people who hate emotionally manipulative movies / cat lovers / cats
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THE SUN
IS ALSO A STAR
AKA
"wait, this isn't on Netflix? How is this not on Netflix? Seriously, this is on Netflix, right?"
PG-13 / 2 hrs
Romance-Drama / Warner Bros.
WHAT'S THE DEAL
Fate, as some people are wont to believe, is a strong, nay inevitable, force. Hell, against all the struggles of the day, it brought you here didn't it? Well, fate or a much needed bathroom break - ya know, same same.
But what is fate's favorite game? Love, of course. While fate's preferred partner is earnestness. And in this Before Sunset-like day in the life of two perfectly imperfect young people, you will get all three - fate, love, earnestness - in abundance.
However, the favorite tool of "the gods" won't have to be wielded too forcefully in order to merge the energies of Yara Shahidi (Black-"ish" / Grown-"ish") and Charles Melton (Riverdale / video for Ariana Grande's aping of Robyn).
Not because they're so opposite in beliefs about love that if they didn't attract it'd defy the laws of (bunk) emotional-physics, or that their deeply human struggles will allow them to instantly bond (Shahidi's family being deported to Jamaica / Melton's struggle to please his immigrant parents by becoming a doctor while honoring his passion to be a poet <--told ya it'd be earnest), but because this is a movie, and movies are even more powerful than fate.
REVIEWS
It seems to heavily depend on buy in; if you love to charge your sincerity credit card, good chance you'll enjoy it. Especially because Shahidi and Melton apparently do well in selling it.
"When you're looking at the world through love-colored glasses, destiny doesn't seem so far-fetched, and Russo-Young offers up a glimpse." - Katie Walsh, Tribune News Services
Rotten Tomatoes Score: 54%
(26 reviews @ publish)
WHO'S IT (NOT) FOR?
For: people who like to (need to?) believe there's something more powerful than all the hate in the world
(Not): fate? you only believe in cold hard facts and chance
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ALREADY IN THEATERS + BOX OFFICE
(3-Day Weekend / Domestic Total - $ = millions)
1) Avengers: Endgame ($63.3 / $724)
The end before the new beginning
95% RT - Trailer - Showtimes
2) Detective Pikachu ($54.3) NEW
Pikachu can talk... just like Ryan Reynolds
64% RT - Trailer - Showtimes
3) The Hustle ($13) NEW
Dirty Rotten Scoundrels remake
17% RT - Trailer - Showtimes
4) The Intruder ($7.2 / $22)
Dennis Quaid goes full bonkers on couple
29% RT - Trailer - Showtimes
5) Long Shot ($6.3 / $20)
Charlize Theron & Seth Rogen... makeout?
81% RT - Trailer - Showtimes
6) Poms ($5.4) NEW
Retirement friend squad forms cheer squad
33% RT - Trailer - Showtimes
7) UglyDolls ($4.1 / $15)
Happy empowerment music time
33% RT - Trailer - Showtimes
6) Breakthrough ($2.6 / $37)
Kid comes back from coma / faith based
65% RT - Trailer - Showtimes
9) Tolkien ($2.2) NEW
Biopic of Lord of the Rings author
50% RT - Trailer - Showtimes
10) The Curse of La Llorona ($1.9 / $54)
Ghost mother tries to steal children
30% RT - Trailer - Showtimes
ALADDIN
Live action of the street rat to riches story.
BOOKSMART
Two friends finally let loose at the end of highschool. Directed by Olivia Wilde (first time). It's apparently very good.
BRIGHTBURN
What if Superman was evil?
MIDSOMMAR
July 3, 2019
Second trailer. Next movie from Ari Aster, writer/director of the very excellent (and very messed up) Hereditary. NOTE: they moved up the release date from August 8.
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THE MOUNTAIN
July 12, 2019
Jeff Goldblum looks to take Tye Sheridan (Ready Player One) on a weird trip in this existential oddity.
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WHERE'D YOU GO,
BERNADETTE?
August 16, 2019
Cate Blanchett plays a woman who disappears even though she "has it all," and the story of her family searching for her - based on the successful novel. Somewhat oddly, directed by Richard Linklater (Dazed and Confused, Boyhood).
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JUDY
September 27, 2019
Teaser. Biopic of Judy Garland in her last years. Renee Zellweger gets to try and embody the Over the Rainbow singer.
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MALEFICENT:
MISTRESS OF EVIL
October 18, 2019
Teaser. Angelina Jolie gets into more mischief as the horned fairy.
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