Do you think supervillains have Instagrams?

May 22, 2019

GUESS THE QUOTE
"Egon, this somehow reminds me
of the time you tried to drill a hole in your head."

So John Travolta has a movie coming out this weekend (it's VOD along with a couple theaters). It's called The Poison Rose. It looks (really) bad. But ya know, as bad as it might be, it really can't be any worse than his last four movies.

Gettin cutoff? Go here, click "most recent edition."

ALADDIN

AKA
"the owner of fifty three purple peacocks"

PG / 2 hrs 8 mins

Adventure-Family / Disney

WHAT'S THE DEAL

We're not going to say Guy Ritchie, director of classic kid friendly films Snatch and Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels was the wrong person to direct this movie, but was he the right person? But hold, we'll get to that.*

First, we have to address the elephant in the room... who just happens to be a monkey. As in Abu, like does he even talk in this one (though "talk" maybe pushing it)? And what about Iago, will he even get to molt?? Because if you've watched the trailers, you'd be forgiven if you thought it's all ixnay on the oltingmay. But turns out, yes, they will. It's just that Disney first wanted to sell us on the whole Will Smith as Jacked Genie (JG) thing. Which, could have gone better (like, a lot better). But after some further trailer releasing, the consensus centered on ok, maybe it's not that bad. And with reviews coming out, Will Smith as JG is actually getting a good amount of cred (especially considering the chances he replaces Robin Williams in people's minds at 0.00000% ). Plus, people quickly got distracted by Hot Jafar (HJ... on second thought, let's just stick with Hot Jafar).

So that's cool, but what about, ya know, Aladdin, the dude the movie is named after, and his (now slightly less) princess in distress? Well, Disney did its most basic duties by not whitewashing the leads when they cast two relative unknowns (Mena Massoud / Naomi Scott) - in fact, much of the movie has been updated to get rid, but likely not all, of some of the less seemly (read: racist) aspects.

But all that said? It's still Aladdin, which, according to reviews, has its downsides (more below). But the upside is that it's still Aladdin. Which if you're any sort of 90's kid, could be hard to resist.

* do we really need to get back to it?

REVIEWS

You can bank on a crapload of "wish" puns, but nearly split on the good or bad kind.

"Smith's scenes help fuel the spectacle of a wild, candy-colored fairy tale packed with unexpected laughs and a series of impressive musical numbers." - Kate Erbland, indiewire

"The movie itself, while not entirely terrible - a lot of craft has been purchased, and even a little art - is pointless in a particularly aggressive way." - A.O. Scott, The New York Times

Rotten Tomatoes Score: 60%
(89 reviews @ publish)

WHO'S IT (NOT) FOR?

For: you grew up playing Crossfire / reared a child who grew up playing Crossfire / are a child

(Not): if you think there can be only one Genie, and that Genie is not jacked

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BOOKSMART

AKA
"not a compliment when it's directed at you in your seventh hour of building a piece of Ikea furniture"

R / 1 hr 45 mins

Comedy / Annapurna-United Artists

WHAT'S THE DEAL

Definitely the movie of the week (and most certainly not a movie of the week) if you're looking for something fresh. It might be so hot out the oven you have no idea what it is, so let us explain. It's a raunchy coming of age buddy comedy set in high school. Wait, thought you said this was fresh? We did. Sooo.....?

See, it's something you know, but like, different. First time director Olivia Wilde (yes, that Olivia Wilde - Her, The Incredible Burt Wonderstone) tells a story about two best friends graduating high school who feel like they never really got to experience high school - as in the partying side (see: title). So, they decide to take all fucks, throw 'em out the window, shove their dresser out that window onto the dazed pile of fucks, go outside, pour gasoline on the rubble, burn it and then spit on the ashes - but along the way, manage to never be mean spirited, communicate the importance and joy of (female) friendship and most importantly, be funny.

REVIEWS

Well it was 100% before one person had a shity Monday, but 99% ain't too shabby either. Really emphatic endorsements too, praising the chemistry, the pacing and its progressiveness without sacrificing the funnies.

"Olivia Wilde comes out swinging with not only one of the best movies of the year, but one of the best high school movies of all time." - Katie Walsh, Tribune

Rotten Tomatoes Score: 99%
(91 reviews @ publish)

WHO'S IT (NOT) FOR?

For: you achieved the high honor of passing through high school, or are in process of - but for you froshies, better bring an Ah-dult

(Not): you're Benjamin Button, you're aging backwards and you've yet to experience the glory of Algebra II

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BRIGHTBURN

AKA
"when you say to someone "at least you're booksmart" during an overly long furniture building session"

R / 1 hr 31 mins

Horror-Sci-Fi / Sony (Screen Gems)

WHAT'S THE DEAL

We're gonna use the same tagline we've been using since the first trailer, because it really is the simplest way to cut it (and to rub it in cuz the studio can't #copyright), "what if Superman were evil?" Now that we got that out of the way, let's get onto the rest...

*wind blows* *wolves howl*

So tbh, there's really not much more to it. Except to note who is responsible for this horror fest (and to be clear, expect full on gory horror), which is Mr. James Gunn, aka the cinematic father of the Guardians of the Galaxy. Massive asterisk that he didn't direct this, or even write it, but he did produce it. So take that as you will. Notable cast includes Elizabeth Banks (Hunger Games, Pitch Perfect) as the young boy's mom.

Maaaaybe it can be seen as a treatise on aggressive male adolescent behavior? But that's probably a stretch.

REVIEWS

Praising the kernel that sparked the larger story, but seems it's all pretty straightforward from there.

"While not exactly original, the premise is certainly effective enough. But Brightburn lacks the visual stylization or wit to elevate it from the realm of the crudely effective B-movie." - Frank Scheck, Hollywood Reporter

Rotten Tomatoes Score: 66%
(35 reviews @ publish)

WHO'S IT (NOT) FOR?

For: people who know what they're gonna get and like it that way

(Not): for those who think watching a close up of someone pulling a shard of glass out of their eyeball ranks right up there with pulling a shard of glass from their own eyeball

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ALREADY IN THEATERS + BOX OFFICE
(3-Day Weekend / Domestic Total - $ = millions)

1) John Wick: Chapter 3 Par... ($56.8) NEW
Keanu is back as the puppy loving assassin
89% RT -  Trailer - Showtimes

2) Avengers: Endgame ($30 / $771)
The end before the new beginning
95% RT -  Trailer - Showtimes

3) Detective Pikachu ($25.1 / $94)
Pikachu can talk... just like Ryan Reynolds
65% RT -  Trailer - Showtimes

4) A Dog's Journey ($8) NEW
A dog movie. Ok, some humans are in it too
47% RT -  Trailer - Showtimes

5) The Hustle ($6.1 / $23)
Dirty Rotten Scoundrels remake
16% RT -  Trailer - Showtimes

6) The Intruder ($4 / $28)
Dennis Quaid goes full bonkers on couple
30% RT -  Trailer - Showtimes

7) Long Shot ($3.3 / $26)
Charlize Theron & Seth Rogen... makeout?
81% RT -  Trailer - Showtimes

8) The Sun is Also a Star ($2.5) NEW
Two earnest humans fall in love in a day
52% RT -  Trailer - Showtimes

9) Poms ($2.2 / $10)
Retirement friend squad forms cheer squad
32% RT -  Trailer - Showtimes

10) UglyDolls ($1.8 / $17)
Happy empowerment music time
30% RT -  Trailer - Showtimes

GODZILLA:
KING OF MONSTERS

Gojira is back to battle more big baddies including King Ghidorah. New director and mostly a new cast (with the exception of Ken Watanabe, Sally Hawkins and David Strathairn from the first one).

The Trailer

ROCKETMAN

Biopic of Elton John from when he was Reginald Dwight until he became Elton John. Notables are that Taron Egerton (who plays John) sang his own songs and that John was reportedly heavily involved in the making. Reviews be pretty darn good so far.

The Trailer

Octavia Spencer gets to have some fun playing an off her rocker woman who lets high schoolers party at her house so she can... stitch their lips together and other creepy shit? Yup.

The Trailer

TOY STORY 4
June 21, 2019

Second trailer. A new toy, Forky, joins the crew, but questions his existence and gets lost on a road trip so Woody et al help rescue him.

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ONCE UPON A TIME
IN HOLLYWOOD
July 26, 2019

Full trailer. Leonardo DiCaprio and Brad Pitt play actor / actor's stunt double respectively, Margot Robbie plays Sharon Tate. Plus a buttload of other famous actors in Quentin Tarantino's tale set in 1969 Hollywood and dealing Charles Manson. NOTE: premiered at Cannes this week and got really good reviews.

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THE ART OF RACING
IN THE RAIN
August 9, 2019

So. Many. Dog. Movies. Based on the popular book about a pup who supports his humans, as he wishes to become human in the next life (although that ain't clear from the trailer). Kevin Costner voices Enzo (the canine pal) and stars Milo Ventimiglia (This is Us) and Amanda Seyfried as his owners.

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DOWNTON ABBEY
September 20, 2019

Full trailer. The Crawley family, and staff, are back. What's the drama this time? The royal family decide to pay a visit. 🙀

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What's In Theaters +

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