The walking dead are inside. Nope, not that walking dead.
GUESS THE QUOTE
"PC load letter?
What the fuck does that mean?!"
Reminder for you LA / NY types. Late Night is opening limited in your cities. Everyone else, you'll get your shot next week.
Gettin cutoff? Go here, click "most recent edition."
DARK PHOENIX
AKA
"Dark Phoensucks"
PG-13 / 1 hr 54 mins
Action-Superhero / Fox (but really Disney)
WHAT'S THE DEAL
It's a poorly reviewed movie which (unintentionally) became the last in a soon to be defunct franchise.
Jesus, someone call the police cuz a coating of sugar is missing. 😃
But it's true and no amount of fructose would be able to hide the sad end to this iteration of the X-Men. You see, since Disney (which owns Marvel) bought Fox (which owns movie rights to the X-Men), it was inevitable that Magneto, Xavier and crew would be folded into the larger Marvel universe in someway. No one knows exactly how that it'll happen, just that it'll happen.
In the meantime, we're stuck with this neutered tale of the uncanny mutants. And it just so happens to be one of their most beloved stories - Jean Grey nearly dies in space, but is saved by an entity which unlocks her full potential, but also makes her go full, well, you know... and she ends up fighting (killing?) her friends in the process. Interestingly, this story was already famously (royally) screwed up in X-Men: The Last Stand - and that movie was still 30% higher on RT than this one. :/
So yeah, not a great end to a franchise which can take a good amount of credit for helping kick off the current superhero takeover of mainstream cinema (you're welcome?).
Notes: Jessica Chastain stars as the baddie. Confirmed, no Wolverine in this one. For those who care, it's the 10th X-Men movie in 19 years (excluding the two Deadpools). Directed and written by Simon Kinberg who... wrote the aforementioned X-Men: The Last Stand.
REVIEWS
The worst of the franchise. And that's including X-Men Origins - Wolverine. 🤮
On the positive side, Sophie Turner (Sansa from GoT) who plays Jean Grey is getting some love.
Rotten Tomatoes Score: 22%
(93 reviews @ publish)
WHO'S IT (NOT) FOR?
For: you're a completist and a diehard X-Men fan
(Not): you have anything better to do with your day? you're bitter they can't get the Dark Phoenix Saga right (so you just watch the animated series again) <-- us
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THE SECRET LIFE
OF PETS 2
AKA
"Grumpy Cat's favorite movie, may he RIG(rumpiness)"
PG / 1 hr 26 mins
Comedy-Animated-Family / Universal
WHAT'S THE DEAL
More talking animals, but animated this time - as brought to you by the people behind Despicable Me, The Minions and Sing.
You'd think the market on pet movies would be a bit saturated after A Dog's Way Home and A Dog's Journey were released earlier this year. Then again, pretty sure humans' emotional tank for adorable animal shit is infinitely large. Plus, this isn't just adorable animal shit, it's anthropomorphized adorable animal shit (we spell that right?) (as if you know). That tank is like infinity times two which is... still infinity? It's big, its really big. Ok?
Just don't get the tissues ready for Pixar levels of emotional investment (save that for Toy Story 4 in a couple weeks). This is more befitting of guffaws and chortles; which makes sense as it has the voices of Kevin Hart, Tiffany Haddish, Patton Oswalt and ...Harrison Ford? Hey, grumpy old men can be funny too! Two!
REVIEWS
"Too scattered narratively to cohere, and yet somehow still funny enough to justify its existence, "The Secret Life of Pets 2" makes for an entertaining trifle."- Bilge Ebiri, The New York Times
Rotten Tomatoes Score: 63%
(35 reviews @ publish)
WHO'S IT (NOT) FOR?
For: you take pictures of your pet, even though you've taken 872 photos of your pet, in the exact same position
(Not): you saw the first movie and don't like to repeat yourself
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LIMITED RELEASE SPOTLIGHT
THE LAST BLACK MAN
IN SAN FRANCISCO
AKA
"a phrase that hopefully stays allegorical forever"
R / 2 hrs
Drama / A24
WHAT'S THE DEAL
How do you communicate the feelings people often acquire for their home city over generations of habitation? It's likely quite difficult - the sense of ownership of an entire entity which you can't literally own, the memories the city created which formed who you are, the indelible relationships it built which can't be seen. However you do it, good chance it wouldn't be quite linear. Maybe a bit metaphorical at times? Good chance it'd look like The Last Black Man In San Francisco.
Which is a cinematic story about a man living in a city he sees changing rapidly - but it's also a true story. The main actor, Jimmie Fails, lived a version of the events on screen (which sees Fails struggling with letting go of the house his grandfather built), but not those events exactly.
Because the other benefit of a movie is you can talk to the audience, literally or figuratively, making sure they understand your story, because you're in control of the narrative.
In real life, it ain't quite that easy.
REVIEWS
" 'The Last Black Man' is a strikingly immersive movie, a slow burn filled with subtleties and nuance, with its message nestled in the details as much as the greater story." - Peter Hartlaub, San Francisco Chronicle
Rotten Tomatoes Score: 91%
(44 reviews @ publish)
WHO'S IT (NOT) FOR?
For: you like to soak it all in, don't need the plot to be telegraphed in the first 10 mins
(Not): if for some reason you hate San Francisco?
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ALREADY IN THEATERS + BOX OFFICE
(3-Day Weekend / Domestic Total - $ = millions)
1) Godzilla: King of... ($47.8) NEW
Subtle story about the power of silence
40% RT - Trailer - Showtimes
2) Aladdin ($42.8 / $186)
Live action remake with Will Smith as JG
56% RT - Trailer - Showtimes
3) Rocketman ($25.7) NEW
Elton John biopic backed by singer himself
91% RT - Trailer - Showtimes
4) Ma ($18.1) NEW
Octavia Spencer terrorizes a bunch of kids
59% RT - Trailer - Showtimes
5) John Wick: Chapter 3... ($11.1 / $126)
Keanu is back as the puppy loving assassin
90% RT - Trailer - Showtimes
6) Avengers: Endgame ($8 / $816)
The end before the new beginning
94% RT - Trailer - Showtimes
7) Detective Pikachu ($7 / $131)
Pikachu can talk... just like Ryan Reynolds
66% RT - Trailer - Showtimes
8) Booksmart ($3.3 / $14)
As high school ends, best friends party it up
97% RT - Trailer - Showtimes
9) Brightburn ($2.5 / $14)
What if Superman was evil?
56% RT - Trailer - Showtimes
10) The Hustle ($1.3 / $33)
Dirty Rotten Scoundrels remake
16% RT - Trailer - Showtimes
MEN IN BLACK
INTERNATIONAL
A sequel, kinda, but more of a reboot. Re-teams Thor: Ragnarok buddies Tessa Thompson and Chris Hemsworth. But funniest addition looks to be Kumail Nanjiani as that adorable little green guy (watch the trailer). Directed by F. Gary Gray (Straight Outta Compton).
SHAFT
It's another "sequel, kinda, but more reboot." It still stars Samuel L. Jackson (key). The other key is it's written by Kenya Barris who created Black-ish. It looks pretty fun - as long as you're cool with some dick jokes and the strong scent of machismo - seen clearly in the NSFW red band trailer.
LATE NIGHT
Mindy Kaling / Emma Thompson movie about a talk show host (Thompson) who needs diversity and hires Kaling. Kaling wrote it and based it somewhat on her own experiences of being a "diversity hire." Solid reviews.
LIMITED RELEASE SPOTLIGHT
THE DEAD DON'T DIE
This one isn't for everyone, reviews are basically 50/50. But when it's a zombie movie that stars Bill Murray, Adam Driver, Tilda Swinton, Chloë Sevigny, Steve Buscemi, Selena Gomez, Iggy Pop, RZA, Rosei Perez - it's worth noting. Other reason is it's directed by Jim Jarmusch (Only Lovers Left Alive).
LUCE
August 2, 2019
This one looks good (reviews say it is). White parents (Naomi Watts, Tim Roth) adopt a young black boy from a country in strife, who becomes a star in high school, but then his teacher (Octavia Spencer) gets weirded out by a paper he writes and... well, just watch.
ADD TO YOUR CALENDAR
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SCARY STORIES
TO TELL IN THE DARK
August 9, 2019
Full trailer. The popular kids books become a movie. Set in a small town in 1968 where kids read a book and things come true - think of it as real R horror version of Goosebumps. Key: produced by Guillermo Del Toro.
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THE KITCHEN
August 9, 2019
You'd think this was a comedy based on cast. Not a comedy. Melissa McCarthy, Elisabeth Moss, and Tiffany Haddish are wives who takeover their husband's role in the mob after they go to jail. Based on a comic book.
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AD ASTRA
September 20, 2019
Hope this is good. Brad Pitt, astronaut, tries to find his father, Tommy Lee Jones, also astronaut, to help prevent the end of the earth (and maybe meet aliens?) - kinda future-y, but yet also very "now." Directed by James Gray (Lost City of Z, The Immigrant). Bound to get Interstellar comparisons.
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RAMBO:
LAST BLOOD
September 20, 2019
Kinda looks like Rambo meets Home Alone. Which isn't the worst idea ever.
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FORD V FERRARI
November 15, 2019
Matt Damon is famous car designer Shelby who gets hired by Ford to build a race car to beat, yup, Ferrari - in the 24 Hours of Le Mans. Christian Bale be the driver. Based on the true story.
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ONWARD
March 6, 2020
Teaser. Next Pixar movie set in a world with elves, dragons, annoying unicorns, but also cars, trash days and coffee. Chris Pratt (Starlord) and Tom Holland (Spider-man) are brothers who try and re-discover magic.
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