Ever notice that people never say "bye" when they hang up the phone in movies?
GUESS THE QUOTE
"Greater good??
I am your wife!
I’m the greatest good you’re ever gonna get."
Rotten Tomatoes is releasing a book called "Rotten Movies We Love." Beyond the fact it clearly should've been a listicle and not a book, it is a good reminder that even if critics don't recommend a movie, or a certain someone *ahem* doesn't seem to love it, you may still love it. So we appreciate you reading our thoughts, but they're just our thoughts, and yours may differ.
Gettin cutoff? Go here, click "most recent edition."
MEN IN BLACK:
INTERNATIONAL
AKA
"look, we know calling it "Men" in Black is messed up with a female lead, but have you ever heard of "brand equity," so we'll just toss a word that seems vaguely diverse at the end and stick a "women in black" joke in the film somewhere, ok?"
PG-13 / 2 hrs
Action-Comedy-Sci-Fi / Sony
WHAT'S THE DEAL
If you're wondering why the hell there's another Men in Black movie, let us ask if you've ever heard the phrase "sunk cost fallacy?" The notion that individuals, companies, (alien races?) push forward on a project merely because they've invested some time / money in the past - even though that effort is already just that, past.
The sunk cost fallacy friends, is your reason for MIB: International.
You can imagine the studio saying, "Well Bob, we have this previously pretty darn successful brand. That's true Frank, and we put a bunch of effort into building it. So right Bob, we should probably make another. But Frank, do we have a good idea for another one? Bob, it's a franchise, just slot in some hot new stars." Which is unfortunate, cuz while Tessa Thompson and Chris Hemsworth are both really fun actors, who also happened to have some darn good chemistry in Thor: Ragnarok, an idea they are not (an ideal maybe, but idea? newp).
So the only seemingly fresh aspect comes from the two leads, but otherwise it's just another 90's movie with better graphics. So if that sounds enticing...? The only thing that actually looks fresh, Kumail Nanjiani as Pawny, a punchy little green dude alien.
NOTE: if you're wondering, nope, no Will Smith or Tommy Lee Jones. Also if you're wondering, this probably means that whole 21 Jump Street x MIB crossover is dead. Yeah, that was a thing a second.
REVIEWS
"It won't exactly make you hate movies, full stop, but Men in Black: International imposes such a generic dullness, it will have you seriously examining your entertainment choices." - Joshua Rothkopf, Time Out
Rotten Tomatoes Score: 34%
(78 reviews @ publish)
WHO'S IT (NOT) FOR?
For: you've never seen a Men in Black movie before and are feeling the 90's nostalgia
(Not): you've seen a Men in Black movie before
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SHAFT
AKA
"rod, pole, magic stick...penis, we're talking about a penis"
R / 1 hr 26 mins
Action-Comedy / New Line
WHAT'S THE DEAL
Who's the computer nerd, that's a sensitive guy who respects all women? Shaft! You're daaaamn right.
Whooo is the man who'd risk his neck for his brother... as long as he doesn't get his slim fit khakis dirty. Shaft! Can ya dig it?
You see this cat Shaft is a woke mother... Shut your mouth! But we're talkin' bout Shaft! Then we can...wait one goddamn minute, this ain't shaft! <--what you're probably thinking.
It is though. It just happens to be John Shaft Jr (Jessie T. Usher).
Cuz if you're gonna reboot a reboot (Shaft from 2000), you're gonna need some fresh blood. But Shaft Shaft (Samuel L. Jackson)? Oh he's still the Shaft you know and... love? Depends on which end of his gun barrel you're standing. Because even if Shaft Jr. is more prone to a keyboard than a firearm, Shaft Sr. still loves his steal partner, and his booze, his women, kickin bad guy's asses and his use of the word motherfu...shut your mouth!
But all those loves (vices?) didn't leave much time for raising a child, which might explain the differences between father and son. But progeny and progenitor come together to help solve the murder of Shaft Jr.'s friend, which is sure to exploit the differences between our generational heros. And even if its that Jr. starts the story, you can damn well expect Sr. to finish it.
NOTE: written by Kenya Barris who created Black-ish, so expect some evolution, if not a full new creature
REVIEWS
A few coming in, and they're pretty rough. But if you love you some Samuel L. Jackson saying motherfu... shut your mouth! (jesus, these people are persistent), you're sure to get your fill.
Rotten Tomatoes Score: 29%
(6 reviews @ publish)
WHO'S IT (NOT) FOR?
For: think strict PC culture just needs a little loving to loosen it up
(Not): you are not so endeared to a movie titled after genitalia
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LATE NIGHT
AKA
"when you're rolling into episode 5
after saying "let's just watch one real quick" "
R / 1 hr 42 mins
Comedy / Amazon
WHAT'S THE DEAL
Amazon spent a good chunk of money on Late Night after it showed at Sundance earlier this year. What'd it get? A pretty "broad" comedy that also pushes the narrative on race, gender in the workplace and other topical issues, but without being overly after school specially.
Huh. How'd that come about? Well, it was penned by Mindy Kaling, who got pretty good at writing barbs wrapped in sweetness writing for Netflix's most popular show, aka The Office. She also got good at delivering them on that show and her own, The Mindy Project. Which gives her some pretty darn good experience to write a movie about a woman seeking a writing job in entertainment eh? Which happens to be for a talk show, hosted by the only female in late night, with an all male, all white writing staff, and happens to be floundering in the ratings and gets called out for its lack of "unique voices." Cue the diversity hire. Which Kaling says she experienced in real life. But this time she literally wrote the script, and you can bet it'll include some witty retorts she wished she'd come up with on the spot back in the day. And in another wish granted, her co-star is Emma Thompson, as the host, whom Kaling wrote the part for specifically (and wrote Thompson a letter to tell her so. awwwww).
REVIEWS
We've mentioned Late Night a bunch recently, enough that it better be worth the wait. Luckily, it seems to be, with the payoff being Emma Thompson's witty delivery of Kaling's sharp script.
"Rather than scourging the complacency and hypocrisy of television, it subjects the medium to a vigorous exfoliating scrub in the name of feminism and inclusiveness." - A.O. Scott, The New York Times
Rotten Tomatoes Score: 82%
(137 reviews @ publish)
WHO'S IT (NOT) FOR?
For: you love Mindy Kaling / enjoy consuming a familiar movie crust, but with some forward thinking filling
(Not): you're still whining about 9 to 5 being too progressive
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LIMITED RELEASE SPOTLIGHT
THE DEAD DON'T DIE
AKA
"scrapped tagline for Jurassic Park"
R / 1 hr 43 mins
Comedy-Satire / Focus Features
WHAT'S THE DEAL
It's Jim Jarmusch (Only Lovers Left Alive, Broken Flowers) directing a zombie movie starring Bill Murray, Chloë Sevigny, Tilda Swinton, Adam Driver and... oh shit, all the hipsters reading this just keeled over from excitement (oh yeah, it's a thing). S'ok, maybe they'll come back as zombies who lust after vinyl and telling you that the that new bar you wanna go to "is my spot" even though it only opened literally five fucking days ago.
But wait, don't zombies want brains? In other zombie movies sure, but this ain't a normal zombie movie. In The Dead Don't Die you get the actors acknowledging the theme song, as it plays on the radio, right after it played into the first scene. And in another we ain't your dead daddies rotting corpse movie, the actors are apparently so deadpan in delivering their riffs, you could confuse them for the zombies. Which could sound great to some or really damn boring for others, but it's still Bill Murray delivering the lines so it could... aw hell, there goes another one.
*mmmm pour over coffee*
REVIEWS
Not particularly well liked, but definitely seems to be doing what it wants to be doing, if that counts for something.
Rotten Tomatoes Score: 53%
(105 reviews @ publish)
WHO'S IT (NOT) FOR?
For: you're a die hard Jarmusch fan and are curious what he does no matter the squares' opinions
(Not): you see a character in a movie telling you what's happening in a movie and think they just forgot to delete an outtake
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ALREADY IN THEATERS + BOX OFFICE
(3-Day Weekend / Domestic Total - $ = millions)
1) The Secret Life of Pets 2 ($46.7) NEW
Anthropomorphized happy fun times
55% RT - Trailer - Showtimes
2) Dark Phoenix ($32.8) NEW
Last X-Men movie in its current iteration
23% RT - Trailer - Showtimes
3) Aladdin ($24.5 / $233)
Live action remake with Will Smith as JG
56% RT - Trailer - Showtimes
4) Godzilla: King of... ($15.5 / $79)
Subtle story about the power of silence
40% RT - Trailer - Showtimes
5) Rocketman ($13.8 / $50)
Elton John biopic backed by singer himself
90% RT - Trailer - Showtimes
6) Ma ($7.8 / $33)
Octavia Spencer terrorizes a bunch of kids
57% RT - Trailer - Showtimes
7) John Wick: Chapter 3... ($7.4 / $139)
Keanu is back as the puppy loving assassin
90% RT - Trailer - Showtimes
8) Avengers: Endgame ($4.9 / $824)
The end before the new beginning
94% RT - Trailer - Showtimes
9) Detective Pikachu ($3.2 / $138)
Pikachu can talk... just like Ryan Reynolds
66% RT - Trailer - Showtimes
10) Booksmart ($1.6 / $18)
As high school ends, best friends party it up
97% RT - Trailer - Showtimes
TOY STORY 4
The toy gang, given to Bonnie by Andy in TS3, get a new member, Forky, who is literally a spork with eyes. Cept Forky doesn't know what it means to be a toy. No reviews yet, but "reactions" say it's another good one. For remembrance, it's been nine years since Toy Story 3. Nine.
CHILD'S PLAY
Straight remake of the original where a single mother, Aubrey Plaza, buys a doll for her son - cept that doll is inhabited by a murderous evil mother f'r. We watched the original recently and it pretty much holds up. Let's hope this one does.
ANNA
Next "badass female assassin" action flick from Luc Besson (Fifth Element, Lucy), but you may not know that from watching the trailer, which doesn't show his name, only his movies. Odd for a big name director, right? Well, it's likely because he's been accused, but not charged, with rape as well other uninvited sexual aggression. For what it's worth, the accusations came out after filming was started (as far as we know).
WILD ROSE
This is an under the radar flick about a single Irish mother who gets out of jail and goes right back to trying to achieve her goal of... being a country music star in Nashville? Yup. Thing is, she has two young ones to take care of and some personal issues to deal with. Lead was also in last year's well regarded Beast.
Note: outlets say this is going nationwide, but we're a bit dubious about that. We should know a full theater count next week.
STUBER
July 12, 2019
Red band. Kumail Nanjiani (The Big Sick) is an Uber driver named Stu (yeah, as in St(u)ber). He picks up Dave "there's something in my eye" Bautista (Drax from Guardians of the Galaxy) who's a cop who doesn't have a car for some reason... Murderous hijinks ensue.
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THE ART
OF SELF DEFENSE
July 12, 2019
Full trailer. Black comedy where Jesse Eisenberg (The Social Network) signs up for karate after an assault. Looks subversive and quirky. Early reviews are really good. NOTE: we actually missed this when it came out two weeks ago (apologies), but it looks good enough to make sure you see.
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AFTER THE WEDDING
August 9, 2019
Remake of a Danish film of the same name (but like, in Danish) and stars Michelle Williams who runs an orphanage set to receive big $ from Julianne Moore - cept Williams knows Moore's husband (Billy Crudup)... somehow, and it makes things AWK-ward. Has some reviews already (played at Sundance) and they're mostly split.
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FROZEN 2
November 22, 2019
Full trailer. The gang must travel north cuz apparently some bad ish is going on and Elsa's magic is needed. PS this movie is gonna make sooooo much damn money. So so much.
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