Why can't we be friends?

Jul 10, 2019

GUESS THE QUOTE
"Fella, you don't start playin ball at your age,
you retire!"

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You can now sign up to our calendar, which includes every major release (as well as some limited releases) coming out over the next few months, and beyond. Go here and add to your calendar if so.

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CRAWL

AKA
"documentary about your (and everyone else's) 21st birthday"

R / 1 hr 27 mins

Horror / Paramount Pictures

WHAT'S THE DEAL

It's The Meg (massive shark movie w/ Jason Statham) except alligators are the homosapien hunters and it's tight quarters horror vs big quippy action. Honestly, there's really not much more to say... Oh! There's a hurricane, which strands a daughter and father with them there gators. Yup, bout all there is too it... Wait! The director also helmed 2010's Piranha 3D, back when adding 3D to your movie title was... cool? Ok, that's it.

Side thought: feel like these movies just add to Hitchcock's legacy. He didn't use massive mouthed fish or chomp hungry lizards, he used birds to terrify the public. Friggen birds.

KEY: this movie probably plays best with others, i.e. if you're gonna see it, see it in a full theater if you can.

REVIEWS

None yet, but Paramount seems to have done a targeted screening for those most likely to enjoy (they did), but good chance you see broader reviewers a little less satisfied.

Rotten Tomatoes Score: TBD
(0 reviews @ publish)

WHO'S IT (NOT) FOR?

For: you like it in a movie when something can go wrong, it will go wrong, very wrong

(Not): you're idea of a good time doesn't include watching humans go through a reptile's digestive system

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STUBER

AKA
"Stu something..."

R / 1 hr 45 mins

Action-Comedy / Fox (Disney)

WHAT'S THE DEAL

Pairing dissimilar things is a quick way to get attention, like: pickles and peanut butter - socks and sandals - handstands and urination. <--- !!!!

See? This works mostly because it gets a rise out of people who disagree that those two things could possibly go together. But odd couple comedy pairings have become so de rigueur in h town it's kind of impossible to trick an audience into thinking the two stars won't stop hating each other. So really you just have to find two charming as hell (in their own way) leads who people want to watch bicker for ninety minutes. And in that, at least on paper (google docs?), Fox has done a good job in casting Dave Batista (aka Drax in Guardians of the Galaxy) and Kumail Nanjiani (Silicon Valley, The Big Sick). Both accomplished in comedy, but contrasting in style and cultural expectations.

But how'd Fox do on that other part, ya know, the plot and jokes. Weeeell, it gets to tout it's cultural timeliness? Mr. nice guy please gimme five stars Stu, drives for Uber ( 🤠), and he picks up Mr. overly aggressive police man Vic, who apparently doesn't understand ride sharing very well, but understands sharing bullets with bad guys' chests (maybe a little too well). From there, Vic takes Stu on an increasingly unsafe venture into the world of crime and blowing shit up. But all Stu cares about is getting back to a girl, well, that and his rating of course. So you can imagine how it all goes.

REVIEWS

Say Nanjiani and Batista do well together, but succumbs to the action overbearing the comedy, like so many action comedies before it. And they're using plenty of ride sharing "jokes" to show their displeasure.

"The demands of action and comedy, however, are apparently much too great a weight for this action-comedy to Lyft." A.A.

Rotten Tomatoes Score: 48%
(40 reviews @ publish)

WHO'S IT (NOT) FOR?

For: people who'd rather watch other people bicker, to stop their own bickering (for two hours at least 🤷)

(Not): you thought Grumpy Old Men was FAR too violent

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LIMITED RELEASE SPOTLIGHT
THE FAREWELL

AKA
"January 2021"

PG / 1 hr 38 mins

Comedy-Drama / A24

WHAT'S THE DEAL

Is death personal or communal?

Of course it's both, but depending of which culture you're a part, the scales may tip over to one side more than the other. But if you're from two cultures...? Yeah, that's the wobbly position Awkwafina (the best parts of Ocean's 8 & Crazy Rich Asians) finds herself in in The Farewell. A film that premiered at Sundance earlier this year and pleased literally everyone who saw it (and reviewed it) with its sweet bitterness. The mix coming from an endearing matriarch who lives in China with late stage lung cancer, but doesn't know it, and the family who does (many of whom live in NY, including Awkwafina), but they decide not tell her. Instead, maybe surprisingly to some, they choose to let her continue on in her (im?)mortal ignorance. This sits poorly with Awkwafina's character, and it brings out family conflicts, both of the cultural specific and universal kind. Because family, in life, and death, is always complicated.

NOTE: the movie keeps using the tagline "based on a true lie," because it apparently happened to the director's family.

REVIEWS

Like every DJ the world over, it's keepin it 💯. Awkwafina is getting a lot of praise for her ability to shift into a more subdued role and the film's cast overall for meshing well.

"A crushingly bittersweet mood dominates the film, and Wang demonstrates a steady hand in her balancing of morbid material and warm, culturally insightful humor, threaded together by a minimal, sentimental score of dulcet vocals and a single violin." - Beatrice Loayza, AV Club

Rotten Tomatoes Score: 100%
(55 reviews @ publish)

WHO'S IT (NOT) FOR?

For: anybody with a family...

(Not): ...dead or alive

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LIMITED RELEASE SPOTLIGHT
THE ART
OF SELF DEFENSE

AKA
"telling people you want to talk about
how Herbalife changed your life "

R / 1 hr 44 mins

Dark Comedy / Bleecker Street

WHAT'S THE DEAL

It's the kind of comedy plenty of people won't find funny, and a subset of society will find hilarious. Think more Election and less Step Brothers. If you've never seen either, this film features more of what one may call "thinking people's" humor. Doesn't mean you actually have to think that much to watch it, that's just something people say (read: us) to explain the funny stuff that deals more with contrast and hypocrisy than it does with say, tripping over a rake and getting hit in the schnoz.

Which fits Jesse Eisenberg well, as does the character hey portrays, which is a man so afraid of overly masculine men, he wants to become one. So when he joins a karate class and starts to idolize his sensei, it turns into a bit... more. Which kind of typifies the movie. Everything seems to be in our normal world, but just a bit extra. Then again, is that actually how it is, or just how we see our world?

REVIEWS

Eisenberg does well as usual and the film overall's take on masculinity and the other issues it addresses getting quite well received.

""The Art of Self-Defense" may be presented as an absurdist satire, but like the best American comedies... it doubles as a keen critique of our national character." Peter Debruge, Variety

Rotten Tomatoes Score: 90%
(29 reviews @ publish)

WHO'S IT (NOT) FOR?

For: you think it sounds fun to watch a scared little man be tortured into becoming a rageful karate practitioner, all in the efforts of exposing 'Merica's obsession with "strength"

(Not): you think it's totally normal to solve problems by punching people in the throat

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ALREADY IN THEATERS + BOX OFFICE
(3-Day Weekend / Domestic Total - $ = millions)
*Opened mid-week

1) Spider-Man: Far... ($92.6 / $185 ) NEW*
New continent, same troubles
90% RT - Trailer - Showtimes

2) Toy Story 4 ($33.9 / $306)
Toys get new member / toys get existential
98% RT - Trailer - Showtimes

3) Yesterday ($10 / $36)
The Beatles disappear, except to one guy
62% RT - Trailer - Showtimes

4) Annabelle Comes Home ($9.5 / $50)
The creepy doll is still causing trouble
66% RT - Trailer - Showtimes

5) Aladdin ($7.5 / $321)
Live action remake with Will Smith as JG
57% RT - Trailer - Showtimes

6) Midsommar ($6.6 / $11) NEW*
Daylight horror from Hereditary director
83% RT - Trailer - Showtimes

7) The Secret Life of Pets 2 ($4.7 / $141)
Anthropomorphized happy fun times
58% RT - Trailer - Showtimes

8) Men in Black: Internat... ($3.8 / $72)
Fourquel without Tommy or Will
22% RT - Trailer - Showtimes

9) Avengers: Endgame ($3.1 / $848)
The end before the new beginning
94% RT - Trailer - Showtimes

10) Rocketman ($2.6 / $89)
Elton John biopic backed by singer himself
89% RT - Trailer - Showtimes

THE LION KING

Nants, sevneya, bagithi baba.

Amma right?

The Trailer

DORA
AND THE LOST CITY OF GOLD
August 9, 2019

Second trailer. Dora goes to high school. But then back to the jungle, cuz duh. Also because her parents go missing (Eva Longoria, Michael Peña).

Note: moved back a week from Aug 2nd

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JUDY
September 27, 2019

Full trailer. Biopic of Judy Garland in her last years. Renee Zellweger gets to try and embody the Over the Rainbow singer.

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MALEFICENT:
MISTRESS OF EVIL
October 18, 2019

Second trailer. Angelina Jolie gets into more mischief as the horned fairy. This time joined, in rivalry, by Michelle Pfeiffer.

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MULAN
March 27, 2020

Teaser. Next Disney live action remake. No talking dragon voiced by Eddie Murphy in sight (or songs for that matter). But this is only the teaser...

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What's In Theaters +

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