The only thing we have to fear is... ghosts, zombies, spiders, guys with hooks, oh right, AND fear itself.
GUESS THE QUOTE
"Seeester...."
The Farewell, the movie starring Awkwafina about her dying Chinese grandma (but to whom the family doesn't disclose this quite pertinent bit of information), has become one of those rare "phenomenon" movies which has been increasing its theater count and box office position rarely seen now days. So if you were interested you might have a better shot at checking it out (and if you weren't interested, you should be).
Another film dealing with China in a completely different way, One Child Nation, is having a limited released this weekend. There were too many wide releases, but this is worth noting as it sits at 95% on RT and looks compelling.
One more thing.... The Peanut Butter Falcon is also in theaters this weekend as a limited release. It looks super fun (trailer) so we hope it does well enough to expand to more parts of the country (we'll let you know if it does). The reviewers really seem to dig it. Although even if it doesn't expand, this is your reminder for when it hits VOD/streaming.
Cutoff? Go here, click "most recent edition."
SCARY STORIES
TO TELL IN THE DARK
AKA
"that time you almost had to talk to that kid
from "Save the Children" in front of Whole Foods"
PG-13 / 2 hrs
Horror / CBS Films-Lionsgate
WHAT'S THE DEAL
In One Line: The PG-13 rated version of the Goosebumps movie produced by Guillermo Del Toro.
If you attended 4th grade post 1981, you know the books this movie is based on - and their awesomely creepy AF drawings. So do your parents most likely, albeit much to their chagrin at the time (they can blame Scholastic who recommends them for 3rd graders on up).
But kids love spooky shit, and all of the Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark books whose individual tales of terror were/are definitely some creepy, gruesome, spooky shit (not to mention extremely popular). So why this long for a movie version? We'll never know, but you can likely thank the recent success of the Goosebumps movies, which proved the transition from novels to theaters could work. Scary Stories also seems to have taken a similar plot to Goosebumps, which is, a group of kids read a book they shouldn't and bad stuff starts happening. Pretty simple. The core difference here is instead of Jack Black goofily fighting off an invisible boy and a giant praying mantis, you'll get more straight horror (while still keepin' it PG-13). Which makes sense since this was once slated for Guillermo Del Toro to direct (although he did produce and co-write the script).
And if you're wondering whether a movie where spiders crawl out of a girl's face and a scarecrow comes to life and gets vengeance on his tormentor is right for your young child? Just think back when you were a kid and how much more freaked out your parents were about you reading the books than you were actually reading them.
REVIEWS
None yet.
Rotten Tomatoes Score: TBD
(0 reviews @ publish)
WHO'S IT (NOT) FOR?
For: You want to prove to yourself you can make it through without pulling the covers over your head (you should probably still bring sheets, just in case)
(Not): You still can't read The Big Toe without clutching your mom's shoulder.
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DORA AND THE LOST
CITY OF GOLD
AKA
"explanation behind "the great bangs trend of 2019"
that only applied to 7 year olds"
PG / 1 hr 42 mins
Adventure-Family / Paramount
WHAT'S THE DEAL
In One Line: A live action take of the popular kiddie cartoon, aged up into highschool, but still straight wholesome enough for the wee ones.
If you've ever watched the cartoon version of Dora the Explorer, you've most likely watched waaaaaay too much Dora the Explorer. Because contrary to the idea that since 4 year olds have seen so little in this life they would crave all of the things, they actually only want to watch one of the things. Until they suck the life out of the thing, or their parents (probably both).
So parents, you're forgiven if you have trepidations about there being more Dora in the world, but we do have good news. This is a live action Dora, Dora is now in high school (whaaaaat), it stars some notably funny adults (Michael Peña, Eva Longoria, Danny Trejo) and reviews so far are quite positive. What hasn't changed is Dora's unbreakable positive attitude, her bilingualism, her love of jungle adventures and her favorite friend Boots the monkey. So yes, it's still Dora, but there seem to be just enough changed from the old thing, to make it a new thing.
REVIEWS
"Moner has the trickiest part, requiring her to embody the spirit of a child but the pluck of a more capable teenager. She makes Dora so endearing that even viewers who have little experience with the show may somehow feel a twinge of nostalgia for it." Jesse Hassinger, AV Club
Rotten Tomatoes Score: 80%
(20 reviews @ publish)
WHO'S IT (NOT) FOR?
For: you have kids who watch(ed) Dora in cartoon form and they've been good this week so they deserve a treat (and you're tired as hell and wanna sleep in the theater)
(Not): you think that Dora being bilingual is some sort of trick to corrupt you're children (if so, please seek help... in Antarctica)
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THE ART OF RACING
IN THE RAIN
AKA
"What you named your epic speech that saved you from being banned
from Prom after crashing your mom's car in high school"
PG / 2 hrs 3 mins
Drama / Fox (Disney?)
WHAT'S THE DEAL
In One Line: Another sentimental dog movie (where the pooch narrates), that also involves some car and human relationship stuff, but really it's about the dog(s).
Maple syrup. It's sweet, it's sappy, and if you're diet is filled with it, it could kill you. The Art of Racing in the Rain is like maple syrup*. Except instead of the blood of trees we use as a treat for children ( 😲), it's a movie about L.I.F.E. life where much of the wisdom is imparted upon us homosapiens via canis familiaris.
Milo Ventimiglia (This is Us) and Amanda Seyfried (Mamma Mia) play the humans, but while they drive (haha) the plot, the beating engine (hee hee) of the film is Enzo the dog, voiced by a ruff (hoo hoo) voiced Kevin Costner. All of which were originally created by an author, who wrote the book upon which this movie is based (aren't they all?). So if you've read it, you know Enzo is living his best dog life in hopes of becoming a real boy in the next. Silly pup... if only he knew he was already superior to his fallible companion.
*Technically we don't know overly earnest dog movies can kill someone, but we don't NOT know that.
REVIEWS
"Rain is not a bad movie, really, and it doesn't sell itself as anything other than earnest, floppy-eared family entertainment." Leah Greenblatt, EW
Rotten Tomatoes Score: 61%
(38 reviews @ publish)
WHO'S IT (NOT) FOR?
For: you love dogs and you especially love it when dogs are anthropomorphized / love a sweet sappy story
(Not): you're not cynical, you're just... skeptical
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THE KITCHEN
AKA
"a place both men and women should get back to,
because take out is just too damn expensive"
R / 1 hr 43 mins
Action-Drama / New Line (Warner Bros)
WHAT'S THE DEAL
In One Line: A team up of notable names (Melissa McCarthy, Tiffany Haddish, Elisabeth Moss) where the women start to run the local mob scene after their husbands get nabbed by the fuzz.
Just because a movie is based on a comic book or "graphic novel," doesn't mean the story has to involve aliens, capes or lightning bolts shooting from... somewhere. But The Kitchen, indeed based on a comic, might have benefited from one of (all of?) those three (though McCarthy's shawl technically could count as a cape if she ran fast enough). Because besides the fact you have three women leading a mob movie (rare - although last year's Widows counts yeah?) this looks like paint by numbers. Except the only colors here are shades of brown (fuckin 70's).
You're still going to get way better than average acting (see aforementioned stars), but apparently they're not given a great script (see reviews). But if you've been dying to see women stick it to the patriarchy because well goddamn it, it surely deserves it then and now, by all means.
REVIEWS
"The Kitchen blunders a real chance to cook up something fresh and is undone by derivative dialogue and a muddled plot that trips on the line between black comedy and brutal crime drama." Brian Blatt, USA Today
Rotten Tomatoes Score: 17%
(41 reviews @ publish)
WHO'S IT (NOT) FOR?
For: you bet you've seen far worse movies (you have) led by far worse male actors (you definitely have) and so screw it
(Not): you see McCarthy and Haddish and think "ooh! comedy, I'm in!"
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BRIAN BANKS
AKA
"the working title that become the title"
PG-13 / 1 hr 33 mins
Drama / Bleecker Street
WHAT'S THE DEAL
In One Line: A "based on a true story" movie about the messy subjects of sexual assault, the legal system and racial injustice that seems to keep itself fairly lacking in dirt.
Brian Banks is a real person. So Brian Banks the movie should carry some weight - or at least that's what we imagine the filmmakers are telling us we're supposed to take from the eponymous title. Which, based on the subject matter - promising high school football player accused of rape, serves time, fights to clear his name with help, ultimately victim confesses she was lying, now exonerated man has slim shot at NFL after very trying times - it does seem like there should be weight. So who better to direct than... Tom Shadyac? The Ace Ventura, Liar Liar and Bruce Almighty guy?? Huh. But it's less "You wanna play hardball, I'm Game," and more grand speeches about "truth" "injustice" and "faith." Which, sure, those are things, but they're generally more complex in real life than how movies like this usually present them.
NOTE: stars Aldis Hodge (Hidden Figures, What Men Want) as the titular character and Greg Kinnear as the lawyer who helps.
REVIEWS
"This is a movie that seems utterly convinced that it's saying something profound, but proves difficult to actually parse." Jesse Hassenger, AV Club
Rotten Tomatoes Score: 55%
(20 reviews @ publish)
WHO'S IT (NOT) FOR?
For: you're intrigued enough by the premise just enough to see it play out
(Not): you'd rather re-watch Ace Ventura meet the Monopoly guy 45 times in a row
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ALREADY IN THEATERS + BOX OFFICE
(3-Day Weekend / Domestic Total - $ = millions)
1) Hobbs & Shaw ($60) NEW
The Rock and Jason Statham F & F spinoff
66% RT - Trailer - Showtimes
2) The Lion King ($38.5 / $431)
Live action(?) remake
53% RT - Trailer - Showtimes
3) Once Upon A Time... ($20 / $79)
Tarantino's take on Hollywood 1969
85% RT - Trailer - Showtimes
4) Spider-Man: Far... ($7.9 / $360)
New continent, same troubles
90% RT - Trailer - Showtimes
5) Toy Story 4 ($7.3 / $410)
Toys get new member / toys get existential
97% RT - Trailer - Showtimes
6) Yesterday ($2.5 / $68)
The Beatles disappear, except to one guy
63% RT - Trailer - Showtimes
7) The Farewell ($2.4 / $6.8)
Grandmama is sick, but family won't tell her
99% RT - Trailer - Showtimes
8) Crawl ($2.2 / $36)
Hurricane + alligators + trapped = bad time
84% RT - Trailer - Showtimes
9) Aladdin ($2.1 / $350)
Live action remake with Will Smith as JG
57% RT - Trailer - Showtimes
10) Annabelle Comes Home ($0.9 / $72)
The creepy doll is still causing trouble
65% RT - Trailer - Showtimes
WHERE'D YOU GO
BERNADETTE
Cate Blanchett plays a woman figuring it all out, directed by Richard Linklater (Dazed and Confused, Boyhood, Before Sunrise).
GOOD BOYS
Yup, that's three adorable looking middle school age boys holding: a vibrator, anal beads and wearing a gimp mask. Yup, seems to sum up the movie produced by Seth Rogen.
THE ANGRY BIRDS
MOVIE 2
Birds, pigs, self referential and pop culture jokes galore.
BLINDED BY THE LIGHT
Another "ode to a music" movie akin to the recent Yesterday. British kid with a Pakistani background in 1987 gets into Bruce Springsteen and his parents ain't too keen, but he can't resist The Boss. It's apparently quite the crowd pleaser. Same director as Bend It Like Beckham.
47 METERS DOWN:
UNCAGED
Sequel to Mandy Moore shark movie that did way better than it's $5 million budget may have portended. Side note: stars two famous actors' daughters - Sylvester Stallone and Jamie Foxx.
THE ADDAMS FAMILY
October 11, 2019
Full trailer (including not one, but two rap songs). Full on mainstream animated version of the macabre family. Voices of Charlize Theron, Oscar Isaac, Chloë Grace Moretz, Finn Wolfhard, Nick Kroll plus Bette Midler and Allison Janney.
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1917
December 25, 2019
World Word I (1?) movie directed by Sam Mendes (Skyfall, American Beauty) about a timely mission. Benedict Cumberbatch and Richard Madden (Robb Stark in Game of Thrones) are in it, but they don't seem to be leads.
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