Who'd you take in a fight? Zombies, fairies, curmudgeonly sailor types or... um, Hitler?
GUESS THE QUOTE
"I want some butts!"
Wow, Parasite. Damn. That was, the best movie of the year? Good chance.
It also had one of the best limited release openings ever, so you bet your stink bugs it's expanding. Highly encourage you to check if it's playing near you yet (and then buy tickets).
Also, if you're a Jay and Silent Bob fan, "Reboot" is launching in a few places across the country this weekend. It's a unique release (they partnered with a company called Fathom Events) so check out their page and see if it's playing near you.
Cutoff? Go here, click "most recent edition."
MALEFICENT:
MISTRESS OF EVIL
AKA
"are those her natural cheekbones?
I actually think they're her natural cheekbones"
PG / 1 hr 58 mins
Adventure-Fantasy / Disney
WHAT'S THE DEAL
In One Line: Angelina Jolie stars in entry two bajillion in Disney's live action takes on their classic stories.
If you saw the first Maleficent, aka that Angelina Jolie as a horned fairy live action "retelling" of Sleeping Beauty movie, you'd be a bit miffed at the subtitle for this sequel. "Mistress of Evil," really? More like "Mistress of can't a girl catch a damn break? Maybe even "Mistress of how I don't need another reminder that men are jerks." Sure, she may be a bit (extra) cranky and set in her ways. But evil? P to the ffffttt. But the Disney marketing department was probably all, but what do we play off of?? We need a hook. So "evil" finds its way into the title. /shrug
Another, maybe not burning, but lukewarm question is why - as in why does this movie exist? Like sure, the first one was a solid hit, but didn't it do the job? When you're Disney of 2019 though, the job is never done. Because that job is to milk the fuck out of whatever properties you have until they're drier than the mouth of a gullible 7th grader who stupidly believed he could complete the the saltine challenge. So we get Jolie back as the persnickety Maleficent, who while slightly reformed, is still distrustful of humans at large, and rightly so. Because, with Michelle Pfeiffer leading the charge, they're still scheming to kill her and all the other fairies and magic like creatures. Which one might hope would lead to some heart wrenching emotional pulls Disney has pulled off in the past, but more likely leads to epic battles more befitting of a Lord of the Rings movie than a PG mouse house flick. But these are the times and the times demand a flurry of CG action. Or at least Disney's bank account does.
REVIEWS
"The saddest thing about "Maleficent: Mistress of Evil" is that it's not bad, but typical, that this emptiness - this immersion in mass numbification - is the modern style." Mick LaSalle, San Francisco Chronicle
Rotten Tomatoes Score: 47%
(79 reviews @ publish)
WHO'S IT (NOT) FOR?
For: you like seeing really good actors make what could be silly quite believable
(Not): you'd rather spend your life searching for real magic than watch the fabricated kind
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ZOMBIELAND:
DOUBLE TAP
AKA
"reason #232 Woody Harrelson
is a national treasure"
R / 1 hr 39 mins
Comedy-Action / Sony
WHAT'S THE DEAL
In One Line: A comeback for the zombie killing squad, ten years in the making.
You ever had a crush, but it's been just forever since you've seen them? The old times were good, lots of laughs, the feeling of something new, but as time went by you drifted apart, not sure where they ended up. And now you're seeing them for the first time in a long time, not sure how it's gonna be because you remember those times so fondly. Can it really live up to the past? Or is it bound to disappoint? Zombieland: Double Tap is kinda like that old crush.
To orient us, the first Zombieland was released before the reigning brain eating champ, The Walking Dead - which has been on for 10 seasons. Yup. Emma Stone hadn't made The Help, La La Land or even Easy A yet. It was before Jesse Eisenberg had made all those friends playing Mark Zuckerberg. Hell, the original Zombieland is so ancient Woody Harrelson hadn't even starred in Cheers yet. 🙃 So yeah, this one has taken a while. What took so long? Well, as noted above (and in the trailer), this cast went on to do a lot of great (Oscar nominated/winning) things. And thus the actors are not lacking in choice offers.
So why go back to this "lowbrow" shit, right? It's freakin zombies, how can that beat dancing with Ryan Gosling at the Griffith Park Observatory, or trading barbs with a nonsensical yet still oddly compelling Matthew McConaughey? Because while we're suring dancing with Mr. Hey Girl is fabulous (shut up, you dream about it), we imagine shooting a zombie in the face with a shotgun is probably pretty damn satisfying too. Plus, actors are humans too (we think...), so they're not exempt from trying to catch that same nostalgic magic and wanna hang out with old pals. They also get to make new friends, like Zooey Dutch as an against all odds ditsy survivor of the zombie apocalypse, or Luke Wilson and Thomas Middlechurch as some sort of bizarro version of Tennessee and Columbus (Harrelson and Eisenberg). Who knows, maybe Bill Murray makes another appearance...
But as we intimated, nostalgia can turn into a rude reality and ruin some nice memories. But we wouldn't fret, as this looks more akin to walking into that coffee shop, meeting your old flame and realizing, ya know, it may have been a while, and nothing can live up to the past, but gosh darn it it's nice to see an old friend. You get to laugh at their old jokes and hear about the stories they've lived since you've been apart. And sometimes, that's enough.
Note: same director (who went to direct Venom)/writers (who went on to write the Deadpool movies) as the original
REVIEWS
Mostly down for it, with lots noting the chemistry is still there, but that it's more "aww nice to see you again, feels like old times" rather than "ooh, did you get a new haircut, wait you're doing what now?!"
"Rounding up all the original's stars and throwing several more surviving human characters into the mix, the pic is plenty entertaining for those of us who, paradoxically, find zombies comforting in dark times." - John Defore, The Hollywood Reporter
Rotten Tomatoes Score: 75%
(36 reviews @ publish)
WHO'S IT (NOT) FOR?
For: your desire to see Woody Harrelson southern it the hell up again has not waned one bit in the last decade
(Not): you can't handle giving blood, let alone seeing swimming pool amounts of it being spilled - even if it is zombie blood
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LIMITED RELEASE SPOTLIGHT
JOJO RABBIT
AKA
"cutest movie you've ever seen
about the Hitler Youth"
PG-13/ 1 hr 48 mins
Satire-Comedy-Drama / Fox Searchlight (Disney)
WHAT'S THE DEAL
In One Line: That Nazi/Hitler comedy directed by the guy who did Thor: Ragnarok and Hunt for the Wilderpeople.
How the hell do you get away with making a comedy about Hitler (especially nowadays)? This feat is not for many, or even anyone, outside of Mel Brooks and now Mr. Taika Waititi, director of Jojo, as well as (franchise saving?) Thor: Ragnarok and the most endearing movie of 2016, Hunt for the Wilderpeople. It doesn't hurt that Waititi's New Zealand bred cheeky sense of humor is more sharp and charming than mean and biting and that Waititi is of Jewish descent, so there's an inherent personalness to the story. But still, focusing on a kid in the Hitler Youth, the group that tried to drill hate into children, as well as Adolf Hitler (played by Waititi) as not only a character, but a goofy, almost *gulp* somewhat likeable sidekick? Oof. Tough sell.
Thing is, this Hitler isn't real, he's just the imaginary friend of the kid. So yeah, he looks like Hitler, but acts far from the incomprehensibly awful actual Nazi leader. Jojo needs the fake früher because he's being teased at Nazi camp, and Adolf helps take place of the father he doesn't have. His mother, played by Scarlett Johansson, is loving, but hides a secret, which Jojo eventually discovers - a Jewish girl kept safe inside their home. Jojo, as you can imagine, will have some things to think about.
Which might be you watching Jojo Rabbit, deciding if you can enjoy a movie where Nazi's aren't the easy to hate bad guys and where a terrible youth propaganda program looks more like a messed up version of the boy scouts. But hey, if it gets ya laughing AND thinkin...
REVIEWS
While it is definitely well liked, it's not without its critics that say it's too soft in its critiques of Nazis.
"[Waititi] finds such strange, sweet humor in his storytelling that the movie somehow maintains its ballast, even when the tone inevitably (and it feels, necessarily) shifts." - Leah Greenblatt, EW
Rotten Tomatoes Score: 80%
(114 reviews @ publish)
WHO'S IT (NOT) FOR?
For: you want a story to help you believe love is > hate / you like what Waititi's done, even if it's just been his appearances on late night talk shows
(Not): you really think Nazi's deserve nothing but a good punching
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LIMITED RELEASE SPOTLIGHT
THE LIGHTHOUSE
AKA
"the final movie Twilighters see
'just because it stars Robert Pattinson' "
PG-13/ 1 hr 48 mins
Horror"ish"-Drama-Fantasy / A24
WHAT'S THE DEAL
In One Line: The second movie from the director of the well reviewed The Witch, where Willem Dafoe and Robert Pattinson get show they are really very good actors.
This movie was made for critics. Ok, fine, that's not really true, it was made because David Eggers, the director of "The Witch," wanted to make it. But you can imagine reviewers' excitement for a black and white movie starring Willem Dafoe and Robert Pattinson, who star as two 1800 era lighthouse workers entrenched in surly manliness going tête-à-tête on a remote island where the situation goes from merely uncomfortable to spiraling into a deranged chaos. Where there is anarchy abound in the film, but the film itself is meticulously planned. This kind of movie seems to compel reviewers to use words like "physiognomies" and "obstreperous." Because when the character's speech is so daedalen (see, even I'm doing it) it just seems to beg for professional film watchers to maybe not step up to, but match the tenor of, the film.
And by now you've gathered, the tone of this movie is well, different than your average. To some that different will be very well received, especially in the age of the over milking (see Maleficent above), and to some that different will just be, different.
REVIEWS
Critics love it. But be very clear, the average moviegoers opinion will likely be far different.
"Eggers meticulously sets the scene, adds texture and builds tension and mystery from men locked in battle and sometimes in embrace." - Manohla Dargis, NY Times
Rotten Tomatoes Score: 93%
(118 reviews @ publish)
WHO'S IT (NOT) FOR?
For: you were eagerly anticipating Eggers next movie as soon as the credits rolled on The Witch / you want to see something that's more bonkers than the thoughts inside your own head
(Not): the only thing that's black and white in your life is how Transformers is the best movie ever made
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ALREADY IN THEATERS + BOX OFFICE
(3-Day Weekend / Domestic Total - $ = millions)
1) Joker ($55.9 / $194)
Dark origin story for smiling bat nemesis
69% RT - Trailer - Showtimes
2) The Addams Family ($30.3) NEW
Animated take on the macabre family unit
40% RT - Trailer - Showtimes
3) Gemini Man ($20.6) NEW
Younger Will Smith v Older Will Smith
24% RT - Trailer - Showtimes
4) Abominable ($6.1 / $48)
DreamWorks Animation yeti movie
81% RT - Trailer - Showtimes
5) Downton Abbey ($4.9 / $83)
Crawleys involved in some drama per yuzh
85% RT - Trailer - Showtimes
6) Hustlers ($3.9 / $98)
J-Lo and Constance Wu strip & steal
88% RT - Trailer - Showtimes
7) Judy ($3.2 / $15)
Judy Garland biopic w/ Renee Zellweger
83% RT - Trailer - Showtimes
8) IT: Chapter Two ($3.1 / $207)
The Losers Club v Pennywise: Round 2
63% RT - Trailer - Showtimes
9) Jexi ($3.1) NEW
Phone girlfriend movie that is not Her
14% RT - Trailer - Showtimes
10) Ad Astra ($1.9 / $47)
Brad Pitt in space, dealin with family drama
83% RT - Trailer - Showtimes
BLACK AND BLUE
Naomie Harris (Moneypenny in Bond) is a rookie cop that gets caught between her community and corrupt cops. Tyrese is there to help out (albeit begrudgingly).
COUNTDOWN
An app tells you when you're gonna die. Kind of like a combo of The Ring and Final Destination.
THE CURRENT WAR
Was originally to be released by The Weinstein Company a while back and then... After all that, it was picked up by a new company formed by old TWC execs. /shrug A sort of "thriller" that takes on Thomas Edison, Nikola Tesla and George Westinghouse electricity battle. It looks sort of prestige"y" (in more ways than one), but its reviews were not when it first played at the Toronto film festival, but this is a "director's cut." Don't expect much improvement.
CHARLIE'S ANGELS
November 15, 2019
Second trailer. Elizabeth Banks writes and directs (and stars as Bosley) with Kristen Stewart leading a new crew of angels.
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BOMBSHELL
December 20, 2019
Full trailer. The sexual harassment situation and overall shitiness at Fox News (directed by Jay Roach). Yes, that is Charlize Theron as Megyn Kelly. Yes, it's very hard to tell it's her.
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DOLITTLE
January 17, 2020
Teaser. Robert Downey Jr. tries the talking to animals thing. Looks like a Disney movie, not a Disney movie. Seems to be set in the 1800's and very big adventure"y."
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ONWARD
March 6, 2020
Full trailer. Next Pixar movie set in a world with elves, dragons etc., but also just like our world with cars, trash days and coffee. Chris Pratt (Starlord) and Tom Holland (Spider-man) are brothers who try and re-discover magic.
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JUNGLE CRUISE
July 24, 2020
Emily Blunt and Dwayne Johnson make the ride come to (movie) life. Looks like a Disney movie, is a Disney movie.
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