An Irishman, a superhero, a robot and a gumshoe walk into a bar....
GUESS THE QUOTE
"So. Come up to the lab,
and see, what's on the slab.
I see you shiver, with antici..."
Normally I feature all wide releases, but this week Arctic Dogs was "cut for time." And because it looks cheap, lazy and silly - not the good kind. Which, sure, it's for (little) kids, so if you have some, you maaay want to take a gander, but otherwise, it's best to avoid.
Cutoff? Go here, click "most recent edition."
HARRIET
AKA
"Superhero."
PG-13 / 2 hrs 5 mins
Drama-Biopic / Focus (Universal)
WHAT'S THE DEAL
In One Line: A Harriet Tubman biopic that focuses on her transition from slave to abolitionist and savior of many via the underground railroad.
It's a little surprising (and yet not...) that it's taken this long to get a cinematic telling of Harriet Tubman's life (played by Cynthia Erivo from Widows and Bad Times at the El Royale). Mostly because it's a superhero movie, and those are so fetch right now. It's just... not like most other superhero movies. But how else could you describe the story of someone who, under extreme duress, escaped being the possession of another human and then went on to advocate for publicly, and enact privately via the underground railroad, the freedom of slaves.
But maybe it's that everyone thinks they know this superhero's story, but do you? Probably not. Because reading about her in elementary school is far from understanding her story. Although don't count on getting every detail here. Two hours can only capture so much of an incredibly difficult, often times cruel, and yet full life. Plus, you just don't want to screw up the telling of one of the greatest American, nay, human stories ever lived. Which is to say, this superhero movie may seem a bit similar to many other biopics in its presentation, but the superpowers seen here are far more powerful than that of hand lasers or giant hammers.
Note: co-sars Janelle Monáe and for you Hamilton fans, Leslie Odom Jr.
REVIEWS
Definitely getting support, but lots of reviews focus on how it's too samey/cliched compared to other movies of this ilk.
Eviro, who plays Tubman, is getting lots of love though - even some Oscar talk.
Rotten Tomatoes Score: 70%
(64 reviews @ publish)
WHO'S IT (NOT) FOR?
For: you would love to learn more about Tubman, but can't commit to one of the many biographies in your local library / want to teach your children about the (often nasty) history of the US in a PG-13 manner
(Not): you're a 98 year old committed KKK member. And even then...
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TERMINATOR:
DARK FATE
AKA
"Terminator: Woogity Boogity,
because does anything after the colon matter?"
R / 2 hrs 8 mins
Action-Sci-Fi / Paramount
WHAT'S THE DEAL
In One Line: She's back.
When people talk about Terminator, they generally talk about Arnold Schwarzenegger. Which, like sure, I get it, but Sarah Connor is the reason all of it exists. The T-800, John Connor, the T-1000 - none of those happen if there's no Sarah. So it makes sense that the three Terminator movies that followed the two originals suffered without her - even though Arnold has been in two of those three. Yes, James Cameron is ultimately why even Sarah exists, because he created the story. But that's behind the camera (although Cameron is only producing here, Tim Miller who did the first Deadpool is directing). In front of it? Ms. Connor is the stiff AF spine of it all. Her transformation from unassuming waitress to I. will. not. die. baddass over the course of the first movie is awesome. Her in Terminator 2: Judgement Day? 'Nother level. And speaking of T2, Dark Fate is being treated as a direct sequel to that movie. So what happens to all the other sequels as far as canon goes? They've been, ahem, terminated. But it's time travel, so who the hell really knows. Which might help explain (or at least allow the filmmakers to justify in some convoluted manner) why Schwarzenegger is back as the T-800 after he (28 year old spoiler alert) melted himself at the end of T2.
All of this might be a bit confusing since it has been nearly three decades since Eddie Furlong (who may or may not make an appearance) taught a murderous robot with a random Austrian accent how to say "Hasta La Vista, Baby." And that fact may dictate much of your desire to see this action flick. Has your love for the franchise only grown with time, or has it started to rust a bit? Because even with Cameron involved, even with a new nemesis in the Rev-9 (which is basically a T-800 and T-1000 combined) reviews (below) are saying while it may be the best Terminator since T2, it's still not T2.
REVIEWS
Many noting how good it is to have Hamilton back, but plenty of critics saying it's too much of a rehash of what's been done better before.
"As a passable piece of entertainment that re-teams old talent and adds a new wrinkle or two, the movie generally succeeds." Rafer Guzman, Newsday
Rotten Tomatoes Score: 66%
(120 reviews @ publish)
WHO'S IT (NOT) FOR?
For: if the title has "Terminator" in it, you're there / you can't get enough of Linda Hamilton in badass mode
(Not): if there's no new Guns N' Roses crossover music video, it ain't a real Terminator sequel
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MOTHERLESS
BROOKLYN
AKA
"the power of persistance"
R / 2 hrs 24 mins
Drama-Noir / Warner Bros.
WHAT'S THE DEAL
In One Line: Writer/Director/Star Edward Norton tries to relive the 1950's with this modern noir.
Is it weird a straight 1950's noir is getting a wide theatrical release in 2019? It is. But let's roll with it kid...
See, the world of Hollywood is a harsh place. Sometimes things work in your favor, and the other times... But with a lot of gumption, and probably a heap o' luck, Edward Norton was able to strong arm a project he's been eyein' since he gots a hold of it way back in '99 - 1999 that is. Norton took a liking to the story of a gumshoe, Lionel (played by Norton) who is down on his luck until he meets Frank (Bruce Willis). Frank helps Lionel, not just with a job as a private dick, but with a purpose. But when Frank ends up takin the big sleep, things get really complicated for Lionel. Lots of people in 1950's Brooklyn are squirtin metal, and he doesn't want to be on the wrong side of a bean shooter. But he's a guy who once he starts something, he can't stop; and he has to figure out what happened to Frank. See, Lionel's got Tourette's, which shows itself in his many different tics. Which will show up as he puts the screws on shady fellows, meets some dames, hits up a few night clubs, takes knocks to the map from some brunos and we hope for his sake, solves the case. Because you don't get too many chances in this here life to do the right thing, but when you do, you best take 'em.
REVIEWS
Say for the right audience (*cough* dads *cough*), it's worth it, if a bit long.
Norton also does well in a role that could be comical (in a bad way) if done poorly.
Rotten Tomatoes Score: 63%
(52 reviews @ publish)
WHO'S IT (NOT) FOR?
For: you love detective books series like Harry Bosch or Alex Cross
(Not): you thought all of my 1950's lingo was stupid, and silly, and stupid silly
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LIMITED RELEASE SPOTLIGHT
THE IRISHMAN
AKA
"Bladder Buster 2019"
R / 3 hr 30 mins
Drama / Netflix
WHAT'S THE DEAL
In One Line: Martin Scorsese's epic (last?) "gangster movie" starring Robert DeNiro, Al Pacino, Joe Pesci about the life of a hitman, including his (self alleged) involvement in the disappearance of Jimmy Hoffa.
Look, I won't take up too much time with this one. In part because you're already going to spend (although almost certainly not waste) a decent chunk of your life watching the actual movie; it's three and a half hours. Which in this era of "movies are too damn long," may feel like the final meatball. But this is Scorsese. If anyone has earned the right to make a movie longer than the entirety of a season of Fleabag (odd reference?), it's him. Plus, it stars DeNiro, Pesci and Pacino. Who have been de-aged digitally to allow for the story to nearly cover a lifetime. A lifetime of murders, racketeering and many other forms of malfeasance, but a lifetime nonetheless.
And while teeeechnically this is a theatrical release, it'll never expand beyond a few select theaters. Because the big theater chains no likey Netflix and their desire to start streaming their movies soon after, or even at the same time as, the theatrical release (the chains require a 90 day window after the film drops below a few hundred screens). So for those of you lucky to live in a city showing it, and with strong enough bladders to last through it (please just don't turn out like Tycho Brahe), this is your formal(?) notice.
REVIEWS
Was at 100% for a long time, but a couple knuckleheads ruined that perfect ending. Regardless, just all sorts of love for it - even with the very (very) long run time. Pesci, essentially coming out of retirement, is apparently getting lots of praise, as are DeNiro and Pacino.
"A monument is a complicated thing. This one is big and solid - and also surprisingly, surpassingly delicate." A.O. Scott, The New York Times
Rotten Tomatoes Score: 98%
(100 reviews @ publish)
WHO'S IT (NOT) FOR?
For: you've ever liked, or wanted to like, a Scorsese movie / a fan of "the cinema"
(Not): you can't sit still for more than 20 minutes (then just wait for Netflix) / you hate gangster movies and or movies about violence that don't condemn it overtly
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ALREADY IN THEATERS + BOX OFFICE
(3-Day Weekend / Domestic Total - $ = millions)
1) Maleficent: Mistress of... ($19.4 / $66)
Angelina Jolie Sleeping Beauty sequel
41% RT - Trailer - Showtimes
2) Joker ($19.2 / $278)
Dark origin story for smiling bat nemesis
69% RT - Trailer - Showtimes
3) The Addams Family ($12 / $73)
Animated take on the macabre family unit
41% RT - Trailer - Showtimes
4) Zombieland: Double Tap ($11.8 / $47)
More nutting up and not shutting up
68% RT - Trailer - Showtimes
5) Countdown ($8.9) NEW
Phone app tells when u die
27% RT - Trailer - Showtimes
6) Black and Blue ($8.4) NEW
Dirty cops vs moral rookie cop
48% RT - Trailer - Showtimes
7) Gemini Man ($4.1 / $43)
Younger Will Smith v Older Will Smith
25% RT - Trailer - Showtimes
8) The Lighthouse ($3 / $4)
Rob Pattinson & Willem Dafoe vs madness
92% RT - Trailer - Showtimes
9) The Current War ($2.6) NEW
Edison v Westinghouse "power" struggle ;)
59% RT - Trailer - Showtimes
10) Abominable ($2.1 / $57)
DreamWorks Animation yeti movie
82% RT - Trailer - Showtimes
LAST CHRISTMAS
Emilia Clarke (Khaleesi) and Henry Golding (Crazy Rich Asians) in a meet cute set around Christmas.
DOCTOR SLEEP
Sequel to The Shining starring Ewan McGregor as Danny. Odd? A little. But to be fair, Stephen King wrote the book sequel first (which this is based on).
MIDWAY
Strong chinned men doin the fightin' in dubba dubba 2 as told by Roland Emmerich, director of all the big world ending movies like: Independence Day, Day After Tomorrow, 2012.
PLAYING WITH FIRE
Most confusing movie of 2019? Maybe. An extremely goofy looking kiddie comedy starring John Cena and Keegan Michael-Key (Key and Peele).
LIMITED RELEASE SPOTLIGHT
HONEY BOY
Auto biographical story directed by Shia LaBeouf about his childhood and beyond. Lots of great reviews so far.
THE GRUDGE
January 3, 2020
Remake of the remake. Stars John Cho and Betty Gilpin (GLOW). Although Gilpin isn't in the trailer much, though that may be her screaming (bloodily) murder in the image.
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