Kids say the darndest things. No, not that kind 👲, this kind 🐐.
GUESS THE QUOTE
"Hey, you wanna s'more?
Some more what?
No, no. Do you want a s'more?
I just got here, so how can I have
some more of nothing?
You're killin' me, Smalls!"
Ah, January, the Great Pacific Garbage Patch of movie release months.
Which isn't to say you can't find some cool stuff in there (see: Bad Boys For Life), just that most of it is kinda trashy (see: The Grudge, last week's Like a Boss, Underwater, this week's Dolittle).
Cutoff? Go here, click "most recent edition."
BAD BOYS
FOR LIFE
AKA
"proud motto for men's club bball teams
all over the nation; same teams who get
severely winded after 2 mins of playing"
R / 2 hrs 3 mins
Action-Comedy / Sony
WHAT'S THE DEAL
In One Line: Will Smith and Martin Lawrence back doin the odd couple shoot-em up thing, except this time without Michael Bay (to our benefit apparently - see reviews).
The last Bad Boys was 17 years ago. That's like, a long time. So why a threequel now? Ummm, fruity pebbles.
That is to say, no idea. Because this isn't some Twin Peaks see you in 25 years type shit. More like some Uncle Rico living them glory days type shit.
While this lack of clear narrative necessity may cause trepidation, reviews say the return of Will Smith's Mike "never seen a trigger he didn't wanna make love to" Lowrey and Martin Lawrence's Marcus "is that a couch? I think I should test out that couch, just to make sure it works" Burnett, is freshened up enough that if you once were a fan, you likely still will be.
It's a testament to Smith and Lawrence's chemistry that something started a quarter century ago can still work, but it may also be in large part due to Michael Bay relinquishing directing duties (fun fact: Bad Boys was Bay's first feature length directing gig). You can still expect (and will get) lots of fast car chases, snide quips and guns, more guns, and yet more guns, but with the lack of Bay, you'll likely be spared unconscionable amounts of slo-mo shots. You'll also get new (younger) cast members reminding the stars how old they are, thus pushing them to prove they still got it. Which, as mentioned, they kinda do.
Now you just gotta decide if what they got, is what you want.
REVIEWS
"Will Smith and Martin Lawrence bring their A game, never letting us feel like they're going through the motions. The marks may be standard issue, but they hit them with with fury and flair." - Owen Gleiberman, Variety
Rotten Tomatoes Score: 77%
(48 reviews @ publish)
WHO'S IT (NOT) FOR?
For: you want it to feel like it's the 90's again, but with a (slightly) modern hindsight
(Not): someone calling rubber bullets "ACLU bullets" is a cinematic turn off for you
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DOLITTLE
AKA
"mentality for the next few hours once
you flip on Netflix and hear that da dum"
PG / 1 hr 46 mins
Adventure-Family-Comedy / Universal
WHAT'S THE DEAL
In One Line: Robert Downey Jr. doin his best Johnny Depp in Pirates of the Caribbean thing in an effort to tell the 100 year old story of a doctor who can talk to animals.
Reviews say this movie is quite bad.
But! It does have a ton of adorable looking talking animals voiced by super famous actors.
In one particular review published online, they decided on the URL "...dolittle-movie-review-robert-downey-jr-why.html."
But! As the URL points out, it does star Robert Downey Jr.
The movie takes place in the original books' setting of Victorian England and yet the talking animal characters apparently, and one would imagine a bit conspicuously, use the word "bro."
But! ...did I mention the talking animals yet? *nods head* How about that Robert Downey Jr. is in it and he's the one who gets to talk to the animals?? *mm hm*
Ok look, at this point in the history of the universe (not just the Marvel one), Downey is Iron Man, Iron Man is Downey. It's a thing, we all know it - including Downey. And yet, he understandably wants to make like a tree and branch out, so he does Dolittle. Maybe he wants to try an accent, maybe he wants to make a movie accessible to his young tikes (both true here).
Fair 'nuff.
What's also fair is you, upon learning that a part of the theatrical experience of watching Dolittle is seeing Downey pull something out of a dragon's (a friggen dragon?!) rectum, responding with a firm "nope." Which does mean you'll miss out on a morose (widower) Dolittle prodded into a quest across the oceans with his zoological friends where he'll fight pirates in an effort to find a rare flower which is the only thing that can save the Queen of England. Huh, ya know, that actually doesn't sound too terri...
...But! See reviews.
REVIEWS
The movie critic version of what comes out of a cloaca. Although it's possible the 5-11 year old set might be quite content with it. /shrug
"At some point during its troubled gestation, the movie once known as "The Voyage of Doctor Dolittle" was renamed "Dolittle"... it's too bad that the rest of this movie couldn't have been ditched as well, or at least dramatically shortened." Manohla Dargis, NY Times
Rotten Tomatoes Score: 13%
(53 reviews @ publish)
WHO'S IT (NOT) FOR?
For: The Dodo is the only Instagram account you follow, and your phone screen time app says you spend four hours a day on "the gram"
(Not): you prefer the poop emoji not to be associated with your movie going choices (both in subject matter and critiques of)
SHARE THIS FLICK W/ FRIENDS
ALREADY IN THEATERS + BOX OFFICE
(3-Day Weekend /
Domestic Total - $ = millions)
1) 1917 ($37 / $40)
WW I one shot
90% RT - Trailer - Showtimes
2) Star Wars: The Rise of... ($15.2 / $478)
The end to the Skywalker story
54% RT - Trailer - Showtimes
3) Jumanji: The Next... ($14 / $257)
Further in video game hijinks
70% RT - Trailer - Showtimes
4) Like a Boss ($10) NEW
Tiffany Haddish & Rose Byrne comedy
19% RT - Trailer - Showtimes
5) Just Mercy ($9.7 / $10.1)
Disney ain't lettin that $ go
83% RT - Trailer - Showtimes
6) Little Women ($7.8 / $74)
Greta Gerwig takes on the classic book
95% RT - Trailer - Showtimes
7) Underwater ($7) NEW
Alien clone *ahem* underwater
16% RT - Trailer - Showtimes
8) Frozen II ($4.9 / $459)
Disney ain't lettin that $ go
77% RT - Trailer - Showtimes
9) Knives Out ($5.6 / $140)
Modern day whodunnit w/ big cast
97% RT - Trailer - Showtimes
10) Spies in Disguise ($5.2 / $55)
Will Smith / Tom Holland as animated spies
75% RT - Trailer - Showtimes
THE GENTLEMAN
Guy Ritchie back doin his British gangster thing a la Snatch and Lock Stock... Early reviews are decent if you're into that aforementioned "thing."
THE TURNING
A modern telling of The Turn of the Screw, where a nanny takes care of some messed up kids in a more messed up house.
BIRDS OF PREY
February 7, 2020
Second trailer. It's the Harley Quinn spinoff of The Suicide Squad. Quinn gets together with other women (anti)heroes to fight back against baddy (played by Ewan McGregor) who's trying to kill a young girl.
PUT IT ON YOUR CALENDAR
PETER RABBIT 2:
THE RUNAWAY
April 10, 2020
Second trailer. More of the wascally wabbit.
PUT IT ON YOUR CALENDAR
BLACK WIDOW
May 1, 2020
Marvel is calling it a "special look," but it's essentially another trailer. Reminder: the Avenger finally gets her own standalone (prequel) movie. Teams up with her Russian family - which includes Rachel Weisz, David Harbor (Stranger Things), Florence Pugh (Midsommar, Little Women).
PUT IT ON YOUR CALENDAR
MORBIUS
July 31, 2020
Teaser. Jared Leto takes on another comic book character, this time as an antihero (hmm, trend warning?) trying to cure his rare blood disease. It's connected to the Venom movie and kinda maybe sorta the new Spider-man movies.
PUT IT ON YOUR CALENDAR
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