Love is in the... wait, nm, that was just a 💨
GUESS THE QUOTE
"Hey terrorist!
Terrorize this!"
So I'm getting mixed signals on whether Downhill is a limited (i.e. just NY and LA) or going "wide" (generally 2,000+ theaters and can be seen in most parts of the country).
Not that it's going to be the biggest draw, but just letting you know in case you're curious. I'm sticking with the limited bug for now!
Also, The Jesus Rolls... again. John Turturro made his own movie about The Jesus - as in the (bowling) ball licker from The Big Lebowski. It's a day and date VOD release, but had to give it a lil love. Check out the trailer. Note: Turturro got approval from the Coen brothers and Universal to do the movie, so it's legit.
And let's end with a little shoutout to Parasite at the Oscars. Glad for it. 🙏
Cutoff? Go here, click "most recent edition."
THE PHOTOGRAPH
AKA
"that pre-smartphone snap you
hope stays non-digital forever"
PG-13/ 1 hr 46 mins
Romance-Drama / Universal
WHAT'S THE DEAL
In One Line: Double love story with Issa Rae and Lakeith Stanfield holding down the main plot with the other focused on a back in time retelling of Issa's parents.
You could call a movie like this heartfelt, or you could call it sappy. You could say movies like these renew people's hope in love, or think they create unrealistic expectations around relationships. Or really you could cut this down to romantics vs skeptics (side note: Andrew Bird sings a lovely song about this with Fiona Apple).
Now even if this is too basic of a look, it helps you at least know generally know where you're at. And you can figure out that location by asking yourself "Do I like The Notebook?" Again, probably too simple, but like, not really? Because if The Notebook is your thing, good chance this is also your thing. To be clear, Issa Rae and Lakeith Stanfield are not Rachel McAdams and Ryan Gosling - clearly. Which is noteworthy. Two actors in the midst of their blowing the fuck up phase do a romance movie together. They also happen to be black. It's a noteworthy side note, but a necessary one until it no longer is (hopin sooner than later eh?).
The plot looks fairly romance movie status quo with Stanfield in the "all in" role with Rae in the questioning position, seemingly in large part due to her (recently deceased) mother's inability to hold on to her loves (which makes up the second love story of the film).
So if you already answered the question above and you're looking over and see your heart chilling on your sleeve, you should probably hop to it.
REVIEWS
None yet!
Rotten Tomatoes Score: TBD
(0 reviews @ publish)
WHO'S IT (NOT) FOR?
For: you could use some respite from all this vitriol in the world / appreciate a nice little love story, begone naysayers!
(Not): you think love can't be told in 90 minutes, it takes years, (years!) of hard work
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SONIC
THE HEDGEHOG
AKA
"movie with perfectly branded
fast food partnership of...
Jack in the Box?!?!"
PG / 1 hr 40 mins
Comedy-Adventure-Family-Animated /
Paramount
WHAT'S THE DEAL
In One Line: The 90's icon finally makes it to theaters after a revamp of his design, more befitting of his video game roots.
The above photo is probably a good visual representation of how Paramount feels releasing this movie. Top stripped off, screaming obscenities going full speed into what could be an epic car crash or... (what is seeming more likely) a surprisingly smooth turn into the nearest service station after a wild ride where they'll assess the damage and thank their stars (rings?) they're still alive.
Because after the studio released the original trailer showing off their version of this beloved character, the situation was... well, it wasn't good. In fact, it was fucking awful. But Paramount did a good thing! They stopped, they listened and delayed the movie long enough to make significant changes to the character design in line with audience's preferences (before/after). It was noticed. Better articles were written, positive tweets were tweeted and the Likes on Youtube topped the Dislikes this time. Woo hoo!
But here we are, still on the precipice of the unknown, waiting to see if the same people who praised the changes will actually go see those alterations on the big screen. And help Sonic the Hedgehog do what few video game characters have done - have a successful live action movie (Mario? oh gosh no. Those hardened Street Fighters? multiple times newp. Doom guy? lol.)
The studio tried hard to make this a win; they recruited Jim Carrey who rarely does his rubber faced schtick anymore to play Sonic's nemesis, Dr. Robotnik. They even somehow convinced James Marsden to play the straight man opposite a furry digital creature for a second time. Beyond Carrey being Carrey you'll hear Ben Schwartz (who? Jean-Ralphio! From Parks and Rec!) voicing Sonic dropping a bunch of (I'm betting slightly stale, but ok for the kids?) jokes while his digital altar ego blazes across the screen in an effort to, what else? Save the world!
REVIEWS
None yet!
Rotten Tomatoes Score: TBD
(0 reviews @ publish)
WHO'S IT (NOT) FOR?
For: you know who Knuckles and Tails are because they are your children and you named them after Sonic's sidekicks ("excuse me... is this child services?")
(Not): you long for the days when movies were made with REAL hedgehogs (which were when again...?)
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FANTASY ISLAND
AKA
"what far too many virginal
teens name their bed"
PG-13 / 1 hr 50 mins
Horror-Fantasy / Columbia (Sony)
WHAT'S THE DEAL
In One Line: A film version, forty years later, of the (to some) iconic TV show where people's fantasies come true - except in this version, they're all horrible nightmares.
Most horror movies need their hook. The one thing that'll convince viewers to let filmmakers try and scare the beejebus (bejesus?) out of them. In this case, we have a forty year old TV old property which is remembered largely for white suits and the phrase "da plane! da plane!" Look, it's a tight market out there, ok? Plus, this is yet another from Blumhouse which balls out on cheap fright flicks with an angle.
But all that really matters is, is it scary?? Ummm, can I get back to you? Cuz reviews are still pending (not a great sign). What I can tell you in the mean time is that Michael Pēna takes over for the dapper Ricardo Montalbán as host (and senior evil machinator?) of the island. The guests are a bunch of generally pretty faced people (including Jimmy O. Yang from Silicon Valley!) who will get ugly treatment as they have their fantasies fulfilled. But as a wise Genie once said, there are a few provisos, quid pro quos. Cuz aren't there always?
REVIEWS
None yet!
Rotten Tomatoes Score: TBD
(0 reviews @ publish)
WHO'S IT (NOT) FOR?
For: you could use a little antsy in your pantsy while sittin in a dark theater
(Not): you have to read the Wikipedia entry before watching any scary movie - because that's cheating!
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ORDINARY LOVE
AKA
"afternoon at Costco perusing TVs in
sweatpants with your significant other"
R / 1 hr 31 mins
Drama-Romance / Bleecker Street
WHAT'S THE DEAL
In One Line: A long married couple deal with a cancer diagnosis in story that looks to elevate the everyday aspects of a relationship.
Cancer is bullshit. It's awful. And yet it becomes a reality for many people across the world on a daily basis. So how does something that once seemed so abnormal, affect what was once, normal - eating dinner, going to the movies, shopping, the things that make up living.
Liam Neeson and Lesley Manville play a couple whose life is made up of these seemingly inconsequential activities until Manville's breast cancer diagnosis throws a hell of a twist into their routine. Reviews say the movie is very intent on the partners, almost to the point of making you wonder if they have any friends or hobbies outside each other. But the majority seem to think this stripped down nature allows for a sharper focus on a couple, who is inevitably individuals going through two difference experiences, no matter how much they love each other. 😢
REVIEWS
It's got a strong set of recommendations, but the high score doesn't mean it's for everyone. Even the positive reviews call it "claustrophobic" with much of the film relying on the chemistry between Neeson and Manville (who're getting lots of praise). But if nuance and subtlety is your thing, then this is probably your thing.
"Very little happens on the surface of Owen McCafferty's script, as everything life or death is taking place inside Manville." Amy Nicholson, Variety
Rotten Tomatoes Score: 93%
(43 reviews @ publish)
WHO'S IT (NOT) FOR?
For: you prefer the quiet moments in movies - a lot of them
(Not): watching a couple slowly going through cancer sounds almost as bad as getting cancer (it's not even close and you should feel bad for making that comparison, sheesh)
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DOWNHILL
AKA
"the moment your date mentions
they're into astrology"
R / 1 hr 25 mins
Black Comedy / Searchlight (Disney)
WHAT'S THE DEAL
In One Line: An American / English focused remake of the recent black comedy (probably not quiiite classic yet, but maybe someday soon?) "Force Majeure."
Julia Louis-Dreyfus and Will Ferrell are funny people. It makes sense they'd want to be in a funny movie. So they decided to be in a remake of 2014's (very well liked) Force Majeure - an "international" (there are four languages spoken) dark comedy. They did this, I presume, in hopes of getting more American's to watch a movie they really enjoyed (and the, uh, free skiing?).
Thing is, it's not the same movie, it can't be. It'll inherently be a different movie. Which can be ok, as long as it's good different and not, well... "different." Critics mostly saying it's the latter. 😬
The story being told in both movies is of a couple and their kids on a ski trip in the Alps when an avalanche starts barreling towards them, and the husband / father (Ferrell here) bolts - without his family. Turns out, it was a controlled blast that just looked gnarly. The movie(s) then breakdown how the couple deals with this seeming betrayal in uncomfortable fashion. Reviews generally saying Downhill is less subtle than Majeure and telegraphs too much, i.e. dumbs it down, among other critiques. So if you've seen Majeure, seems likely you're off the hook and if you haven't, this may be an expensive reminder (care of Searchlight) for you to watch it!
REVIEWS
"They have actively dumbed down the Swedish restraint of Ruben Östlund's original, spelling out and underlining every bit of characterization and motivation in a manner that suggests they don't trust the audience's intelligence." Alonso Duralde, The Wrap
Rotten Tomatoes Score: 50%
(40 reviews @ publish)
WHO'S IT (NOT) FOR?
For: you're so bummed Veep is done you'll watch anything just for your Julia Louis-Dreyfus fix
(Not): you've seen Force Majeure or have any interest in seeing it (cuz then you should actually watch it!)
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ALREADY IN THEATERS + BOX OFFICE
(3-Day Weekend /
Domestic Total - $ = millions)
1) Birds of Prey ($33) NEW
Harley Quinn spinoff of Suicide Squad
80% RT - Trailer - Showtimes
2) Bad Boys for Life ($12 / $166)
Will Smith and Martin Lawrence, they back
78% RT - Trailer - Showtimes
3) 1917 ($9.2 / $133)
WW I one shot
89% RT - Trailer - Showtimes
4) Dolittle ($6.5 / $64)
Robert Downey Jr. can talk to animals
16% RT - Trailer - Showtimes
5) Jumanji: The Next... ($5.6 / $298)
Further in video game hijinks
71% RT - Trailer - Showtimes
6) The Gentlemen ($4.2 / $27)
Guy Ritchie back with gang caper stuff
72% RT - Trailer - Showtimes
7) Gretel & Hansel ($3.6 / $12)
Moody retelling of classic fairy tale
58% RT - Trailer - Showtimes
8) Little Women ($2.4 / $103)
Greta Gerwig takes on the classic book
95% RT - Trailer - Showtimes
9) Star Wars: The Rise of... ($2.3 / $511)
The end to the Skywalker story
52% RT - Trailer - Showtimes
10) Knives Out ($2.3 / $159)
Modern day whodunnit w/ big cast
97% RT - Trailer - Showtimes
THE CALL OF THE WILD
Harrison Ford plays an old curmudgeon (so... himself?) who bonds with the pup Buck in a retelling of Jack London's famous story.
BRAHMS: THE BOY II
Sequel to the weird alive yet not alive doll movie. This time starring Katie Holmes and her creepy yet... nah, he creepy, kid who befriends the doll, er boy.
EMMA.
A stylish telling of the Jane Austen novel starring Anya Taylor-Joy (Split, The Witch).
THE HUNT
March 13, 2020
So they are going to release it (feign surprise!). This is the people hunting people movie that was moved "indefinitely" after its release date was close to a mass shooting last year. Since learned it's about "liberal elites" hunting "regular folk" that are mostly Republicans? Satire from Damon Lindelof (Watchmen, Lost) and horror focused production company Blumhouse (Get Out, the new Halloween).
PUT IT ON YOUR CALENDAR
THE FRENCH DISPATCH
July 24, 2020
The next Wes Anderson movie. And it's just as Wes Anderson"y" as you'd expect (and hope for). Most of his regulars, plus a lot (like a lot) of other famous actor cameos. Apparently an ode to journalists - via a 1970's Parisian dispatch of a Kansas newspaper.
PUT IT ON YOUR CALENDAR
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