"Oh my god... *
...what is it?!
The bog of eternal stench!"
PINNED: this newsletter is supposed to be a friendly recapping of the movies in, and coming to, theaters. But things be real weird right now. So until that changes in earnest, I'll either be suggesting old favorites to revisit, pointing out recent flicks you may have missed or calling out notable new VOD / streaming options.
Warner Brothers: We did it. we finally decided what they're doing with Wonder Woman 1984, our sequel to the nearly billion dollar earning Wonder Woman.
Theater owners: And?!
Warner Brothers: We've decided to keep the Christmas day release date...
Theater Owners: *interjecting loudly* Woohoo!! That's amazing, we're saved!
Warner Brothers: ...for theatrical and HBO Max.
Theater Owners: 🤮
All of the movies this week feature lead characters from different decades (70's, 90's and now) who are gay with important people in their lives that don't know that fact. So in essence, they're all some form of a coming out movie. Which, as a straight dude, I can only imagine how hard that'd be.
But while the broad scenario is difficult, these movies shouldn't be for viewers. They're all (not much of a spoiler alert!) happy ending type movies. Which, right now isn't the worst thing to be dealing with.
Btw, it's also worth noting that all the movies' directors are gay.
DATING AMBER
Rotten Tomatoes: 95% (of 44 critics) recommend it
Vibe: Feel good Irish 90's coming of age / out
Details: 1 hr, 32 mins NR
Trailer
This movie was originally titled Beards. A beard, for those unfamiliar, is the term often applied to the partner of someone who is gay trying to "pass" as straight, so people won't question their sexual preference. But just because you're pretending to be a couple and not sexually attracted to someone doesn't mean you can't become close. Such is the case with two teens who pretend to date to stave off the bullshit from high-school bullies and prying eyes of those close to them. Being together but not "together" allows for some experimentation and openness, like going to a gay club together or talking with someone about what it's like to not be like all the others.
But solving one problem can creates others, like what happens if one part of the clever couple starts seeing someone else? Or is comfortable coming out quicker than the other? Do they "break up?" For real, for fakesies?
This is why we watch the movies people!
HAPPIEST SEASON
Rotten Tomatoes: 90% (of 88 critics) recommend it
Vibe: Hallmark Channel, but like, better
Details: 1 hr 42 mins, PG-13
Trailer
I'm kinda joking with the whole "Hallmark Channel" vibe thing above, but I'm also kinda (mostly) not. Because this looks like a movie playing to what an audience wants during the season they want it. A fitting analogy here would be getting a gift you've specifically asked for, so that when you do finally get it, you're stoked, but you're also not as floored as you could've been by something completely amazing and unforeseen.
And that's ok! You still got the thing you wanted! Getting things you want is way better than receiving shit you don't (saaaaaay, a certain piece of jewelry prompted by ridiculous commercials). Plus, you could say this movie has a nice little proverbial card attached that adds some depth with it's non-traditional centerpiece.
The gift at hand is Kristen Stewart and Mackenzie Davis (Tully, Halt and Catch Fire) as a lesbian couple traveling back to Davis' parents for Xmas. Stewart is gonna do a thing and propose, but whoops, Davis' somewhat conservative parents don't know she's gay. 😬There will be literal hiding in closets, Dan Levy from Schitt's Creek making faces & quips, plus inevitable moments of strife. But you can bet your sugar cookies this package is going to be tied off with one pretty-ass bow. Almost as big as the ones atop the cars these rich mofos probably buy each other (yes, people actually buy cars as gifts).
UNCLE FRANK
Rotten Tomatoes: 79% (of 62 critics) recommend it
Vibe: 70's road trip + coming of age + family angst
Details: 1 hr 35 mins, R
Trailer
This would probably be described as the most dramatic (some may add a "melo" prefix) of the movies I'm featuring as far as emotional heaviness goes. But reviewers say it still won't leave viewers languishing in a pool of disharmony - cuz who wants that when we're already swimming in an ocean of uncertainty (note: water metaphors rule).
Alan Ball who wrote / directed (he also wrote American Beauty and created True Blood and Six Feet Under) tells the story of a niece (Sophia Lillis from IT) and uncle (Paul Bettany, Vision in all the Marvel stuff) drawn together because of their family other-dom status. Frank is the uncle, a closeted gay man to his family, but an out professor in New York and his niece is Beth, a shy, recent N.Y.U. student (a decision helped by Frank's encouragement earlier). Beth does an impromptu visit to Frank during a party he's having and discovers his secret, but that's not the conflict. That arises when Frank's father dies, forcing the pair back to South Carolina where their close-minded family lives. Frank tries to leave his partner Wally behind, but he finds a way to join them, which is part of the inevitable road trip calamity. As you can imagine, as with any family, when Frank returns, old habits do too, as well as memories and drama.
The movie also stars a bunch of other people you know like Judy Greer, Steve Zahn and Stephen Root, but you should come expecting a movie about the road traveled by the road trip trio.
Highlights
Gunda - Watch this. Watch it full screen. Watch it with no distractions. Just give yourself two minutes and twenty seven seconds of respite.
Godmothered - a you ever see that Amy Adams Disney movie Enchanted? This looks just like that, but slightly different. Jillian Bell and Isla Fisher. Note: on Disney + Dec 4th - i.e. next week.
Some Kind of Heaven - a sort of gonzo doc look at a retirement community. Produced by Darren Aronofsky. Looks kinda bonkers.
Chaos Walking - Daisey Ridley (Rey in Star Wars) and Tom Holland (Spider-man) in a big budget sci-fi action movie that's apparently not called Passenger - coulda fooled me. Ridley lands on a planet where there are no women, and men's thoughts are (literally) on display.
Note: there's also a Boss Baby 2 trailer, but I can't save it to the playlist cuz it's "kid safe." But if you really needed to see it (tip: you don't), it's here.
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