Can you repeat that?

Jun 23, 2021

"I know you can be overwhelmed,
and you can be underwhelmed,
but can you ever just be whelmed?"

PINNED: this newsletter is supposed to be a friendly recapping of the movies in, and coming to, theaters. But things be real weird right now. So until that changes in earnest, I'll either be suggesting old favorites to revisit, pointing out recent flicks you may have missed or calling out notable new VOD / streaming options.

The big industry news this week was that Steven Spielberg's production company, Amblin Partners, signed a deal with Netflix to make movies. Which, if you're not steeped in Hollywood, it's kinda like, yeah, and Patrick Holmes threw a football in practice today.* And? That is to say, Spielberg makes movies, it's what he does.

But even though Netflix is, well, Netflix, it's getting attention because Spielberg is, well, Spielberg. But also because the director has said in the past that movies from streaming services shouldn't be eligible for Academy Awards - ie he was still a bit standoffish towards the "new kid" at school (movies are 100+ years old, so Netflix can still hold that role).

And while it may feel like an inevitability that everybody will work with The Flix at some point, in context, to have shifted the views of the "biggest living director" in just a couple years? It's not trivial. But the larger narrative here is that when you have one of the biggest advocates in the world for seeing movies in the theater, making movies for a company which mainly shows them at home? Yeah, it's maybe not an indication, but a confirmation that the world is far different than when Spielberg "invented the blockbuster."

*if you're not a sportsball person, he's a quarterback in the NFL

(from top, left to right)

F9: Are you familiar with E = 12𝑚𝑣2, maybe a lil a =𝑣−𝑢𝑡 or even the old standby S = 𝑑𝑡? What's that you say? You're not a physicist? Score one for your likelihood of enjoying the completely bonkers romp that is the ninth movie in the Fast and Furious series, ahem, saga.

Now, you don't have to be a disciple of Newton to think the Fast movies are insipidly silly. But even if you think the string of hits is goofier than An Extremely Goofy Movie (cuz that shit goo-fy), that may just be the reason you like them. Because when a franchise decides it wants to toss in rocket cars that can go into space or say yeah, giant magnets that suck a car to the bottom of a jet sound like a good idea (even better when it was inspired by an idea from the director's child), well yeah, shit gettin' silly. But you expected that. Now it's just a matter if you like "that." And after eight movies and over $6 billion dollars at the box office, there's a solid chance you know where you stand (sit?).

But to be fair to the Vin Diesel productions, while they may feel frivolous, they're more real than I'm giving 'em credit for, in that they actually crash many of the cars you see destroyed in the movie. And while that doesn't change what's happening, at least you know they put real effort into what's happening!

But again, the calculation one has to make as to whether they're into F9 or not is certainly easier than those I pasted above. So have at, engines starts Friday.

Out  Friday
Watch  Theaters
The Trailer | 2 hrs 25 mins | PG-13 | 🍅: 62%

False Positive: Broad City is a very funny TV show. Ilanna Glazer is a massive part of why that show is so hilarious. Ilanna Glazer is also the lead of False Positive - which looks to be very much not like her TV show. In fact, whatever you're pivoting your expectations to, you should probably keep pivoting. Because Ms Glazer shifts from a show with running jokes about pubes, to a psychological horror thriller that addresses women's experiences and issues during pregnancy, with misogyny and many other notable systemic issues in culture.

I mentioned when the trailer came out it's inescapable to see it as a riff on Rosemary's Baby, and while reviews do mention that film almost every time, they also talk about how False Positive tries to shift focus in a way that turns the movie into its own thing. However, those same reviews (while not numerous yet) are split on if they like the thing it's doing; but even if they don't, they do mention the film tried for something.

The basic premise is that Glazer and her husband (Justin Theroux), two years into trying to conceive a child, partner with a doctor (Pierce Brosnan) who initially appears helpful in getting Glazer pregnant. But after dismissing numerous concerns from the mom to be and Theroux not comprehending the impact the situation is having on his partner, things continue to proceed south. Now, whether the destination is Hell, I can't tell you that, but you can bet it won't be comfortable. But who ever said pregnancy was easy? Oh right, way way way too many people (read: men).

Out  Friday
Watch  Hulu
The Trailer | 1 hr 32 mins | R | 🍅: 68%

Gaia: There have been an inordinate number of movies to make us scared of what's inside of the woods. But what happens when the woods themselves are what we should fear?

Gaia is a South African movie that gets at that question as it follows a ranger who becomes separated from her partner, and is taken in by a father & son from whom she initially welcomes help, but starts to wonder if that was actually a good idea.

The movie may seem similar in aspects to 2018's Annihilation, as the role of nature is in the narrative foreground, but instead of aliens, the scary stuff is much more earthbound, literally. But what it does seem to have in common with that Natalie Portman led film is a sort of headiness, where the answers are not going to be explained to you in exposition. What you'll get instead, reviews say, is tons of atmosphere and an almost mythical story - which makes sense, considering Gaia herself is one of the OGs. 🌏

Out  Friday
Watch  VOD
The Trailer | 1 hr 37 min | R | 🍅: 80%

NOTABLES
(from top, left to right)

Pig - Nic Cage picking another odd premise, a truffle hunter whose pig is stolen, and looks to have picked correctly yet again.

Never Gonna Snow Again - a weird, but really interesting looking Polish movie about a magical masseuse.

The Suicide Squad - third trailer, but they're doing a good job of not giving away too much of the James Gunn (Guardians of the Galaxy movies) directed redo.

Candyman - second trailer for the delayed reboot of the slasher classic. Looks great.

Snake Eyes - full trailer for the GI Joe origin story (reboot)?

What's In Theaters +

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