It's All Relative

Jul 21, 2021

"I just wanna hang out,
no big deeeeeal."

PINNED: this newsletter started as a way to highlight movies coming to theaters (see: the name). Then, "the bullshit" happened. And I started featuring movies in theaters, VOD or streaming (see: the +). Point is, if there's a movie worth checking out, you'll probably find it here.

In comparison to its first weekend, Black Widow did not make a lot of money on its second weekend.

Or did it?

We don't know actually know, because Disney, unlike after its opening weekend, did not reveal how much Black Widow made via the Premier Access option on Disney + (ie $30 to watch at home). So for now, B Dubs has had the steepest second weekend drop for any Marvel movie since Disney took over distribution.

Which, sure, isn't great, but is ultimately kind of silly to worry that much about when we're still dealing with the after effects of "the bullshit" and Disney is winging it like everyone else.

Plus, they can be quite comfortable knowing I (and plenty others) just finished watching what amounts to basically a 4+ hour movie in Loki, at home, on Disney +. Which doesn't create that flush of cash like an opening weekend does. But it sure as hell is more consistent.

So yeah, theater owners can yell loudly about the theatrical revenues they're missing out on, but they may be beating a dead cash cow. Horse? Horse cow?! Cash horse cow?? Whatever. Theaters are in trouble. And don't harm animals, ok people?

And speaking of things not to do, maybe don't use AI (it's not actually "AI," but whatever) to recreate a dead person's voice so your documentary can be slightly better. Or maybe just tell people about it in advance?

(from top, left to right)

OLD: There are probably a few directors who when you mention their name, your mind conjures up a single word, image or place (fair or not). Scorsese? Decent chance it's "gangster." Michael Bay? Just a cacophony of firework ladened explosions (secondary: "ugh"), Tim Burton? Some goth-aesthetic twinged environment. And the director of Old, M. Night Shyamalan? I suspect many people's minds would quickly settle on, "twist."

But what happens when there's an M. Night movie without a twist, or at least the type of which you're thinking? Because per the cast of the movie, this isn't just another set you up to drop your jaw to the floor in shock (or disdain!) type of Shyamalan flick. It's of course still a scary movie, a thriller where a family and others are stuck on a gorgeous beach which ages them a year every half hour, forcing them to figure out a way off the sand, or be enveloped by it. Ie this is no The Last Airbender deviation. *shudder*

But M. Night has said himself that he was tinkering with the ending until just a bit before release, and that he wants to end on a "minor note." Or is that part of it, and it's all a ruse and he's just setting us up once again? Or maybe he's, not matured, but is trying to leave the audience with something more lingering, rather than a single "did it work or not," type of feeling?

Guess you'll have to watch and figure it out on your own, especially since reviews are being held at the moment - although some critics have tweeted their early impressions.

Some of them even mention... a surprise. 🤔

Vibe: fears of our inevitable mortality expressed in a delightful pop culture experience

Out  Friday
Watch  Theaters Only
The Trailer | 1 hr 48 mins | PG-13 | 🍅: TBD

SNAKE EYES: G.I. JOE ORIGINS: if you hear the words "snake eyes" and think dice, this movie might not be for you. If someone talks about G.I. Joe and you scoff, "like, the kids toys?," this movie might not be for you. If you think watching what is essentially two hours of choreographed fight scenes w/ a plot slotted in to string them along, this movie might not be for you.

But if you read "snake eyes mask lips" and are still, a decade post kerfuffle, filled with rage, this movie is definitely for you.

Another way to put all that, this is yet another action movie, but one with a fairly ardent installed base. You might think G.I. Joe's influence ends at the dolls or cartoons, but there's actually a fairly rich backstory for the characters, mostly pulled from the beloved comic-books by Larry Hama. And since nostalgia properties are winning heavily in media right now, we're getting our third version of the Joe story. While the first two (in 2009 and 2013) were kinda-sorta sequels, this is a complete refresh.

But instead of shoving the whole gun-toting team in your face, as you can probably tell from the title, Paramount is trying to do a bit of obvious-subterfuge - which kind makes it not really subterfuge at all, but just go with it - by starting the new and improved(?) G.I. Joe franchise with its most popular character, the titular Snake Eyes. But while Snake Eyes is known for adhering to a combo of mask and silence, those have been cast off for the moment; because this is an origin story, and while a dialogue-less comic can become popular, an $85 million silent movie may have issues. Plus, when you cast someone as pretty as Henry Goulding (Crazy Rich Asians), you best show his talents.

Let's just hope they don't get drowned out by all the gun shots and swords clanging together.

Vibe: a 9 year old's imagination come to screen, except realized w/ (hopefully) better dialogue and a few more mill

Out  Friday
Watch  Theaters Only
The Trailer | 2 hrs 1 mins | PG-13 | 🍅: TBD

LIMBO: An accessible movie about the impossible hardships of being a refugee, that reviews say has twinges of Wes Anderson in its visual style / wryness and is not only funny, but poignant and empathetic in its portrayal of people literally stuck in (a) place - that place in particular being a fictional, but remote Scottis isle - in part because writer director Ben Sharrock pulled from his experience living in Syria before the civil war there and his time working with a NGO that helps displaced people? Uh. Yeah. Count me in.

And you might want to add yourself to the yes column as well, so you can follow the protagonist Amir, as he carries around, but doesn't play, his oud (akin to a lute), and waits, along with many others, to hear about his refugee status application. But since there's no wi-fi or cell service, they wander, ponder and watch Friends reruns.

It just might be one of the more interesting movies of the year, and you can finally watch it at home.

Vibe: the movie you have to convince your partner to watch, but once they do they love it and won't shut up about it to people you know, forgetting to mention you brought it their attention in the first damn place (not that you're bitter)

Out  Now
Watch  VOD
The Trailer | 1 hr 43 mins | R | 🍅: 92%

(called out from top, left to right)

I don't care what anyone says, I think Jackass is hilarious and fun. Good thing they made a fourth (and last?) one. And speaking of things that are probably past their expiration date, but still going, how about Ridley Scott's penchant for making medieval epics that star a bunch of names, which in this case just makes it all the harder when you see Ben Affleck as a blond with an also blond goatee (also stars Jodie Comer, Matt Damon and Adam Driver). I kid Ridley (kinda).

We also have Tilda Swinton in her never ending quest to have made the most compelling, yet odd looking movies.

Director James Wan (Saw, The Conjuring) is also on a journey, back to his messed up roots with another horror movie, Malignant.

And in what looks truly terrifying, Flee is a documentary that animates the traumatic memories of the film's subject as he recounts being a child refugee leaving Afghanistan - memories even his soon to be husband is unaware of.

You can check out all the trailers worth watching from this week, by clicking below the image above, or the link below.

What's In Theaters +

Discussion about this post