The days are just packed

Sep 29, 2021

"Jeez banana, shut your frickin gob ok!"

PINNED: this newsletter started as a way to highlight movies coming to theaters (see: the name). Then, "the bullshit" happened. And I started featuring movies in theaters, VOD or streaming (see: the +). Point is, if there's a movie worth checking out, you'll probably find it here.

Aaand we're back to lots of movies. Yay!

Btw, I was going to mention this last week, but the big entertainment insider"y" news was that Netflix bought the Roald Dahl Story Co. Which is what exactly? Right. Same.

It is everything Roald Dahl: the books, the movie rights, the toy rights etc. etc (don't forget the baggage). Netflix had previously acquired the rights to make a bunch of the author's stories into movies / shows back in 2018, but this gets them ownership of every single piece. Even more notable since The Flix has talked openly about their desire to get into gaming and more merchandising. If this type of strategy sounds familiar, it's essentially what Disney did with Lucasfilm that owned Star Wars / Indiana Jones and Marvel which, well, you know (don't forget Pixar!).

I'm noting because I think it's interesting if you have a passing interest in the business side of things, but also so that you won't be all that shocked when you're seeing a flood of Dahl based stuff in your Netflix queue over the next few years. You may even be able to use this information to impress your co-watcher(s), "Hey, did you know Netflix doesn't just make the shows, but that they own ALL of the Roald Dahl books too?" "That's great honey. Can you pass me the guac and hit play already?" Ok, so maybe not impress, but maybe more like, make conversation with.

It's also yet another indicator (not that we needed any) how the big entertainment companies are relying on known properties to bring in viewers. Hell, every single movie I'm featuring below is based on something else (note: except for the Extra Credit). But this is actually a fairly big deal for Netflix - as in it is literally its biggest acquisition deal ever - because for a long time the company hasn't owned lots of the shows they stream. Arguably Netflix's biggest drama, The Crown? It's produced (ie owned) by Sony. Which isn't abnormal in the TV world, and isn't something that will stop, but this deal just gives Netflix more direct control over everything in their Matilda / James and the Giant Peach / Charlie and the Chocolate Factory dealings. Kinda nice.

And while I'm not one to crap too much on new versions of things we've already seen (covers are sometimes better than the original, to be fair), I do love me some original ideas and feel you if this only exacerbates the "no new ideas" fatigue. But I think there's still plenty of that newness to be found, you might just have to do a bit of searching. And I'll make sure to call it out as I see it. Liiike....

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Extra Credit Movies: The Palme d'Or winning Titane is also being released this weekend, but only in "limited" markets. Not sure how many so if you're in or close to a larger city and interested, do a quick google. Otherwise, I'll try and let ya know when it comes to streaming. It's described as a "body horror thriller" and apparently the lead is a serial killer who gets pregnant by sleeping with a... car? Sounds friggen weird. And I'm down for it.

(from top, left to right)

Venom: Let There Be Carnage: Critics hated the first Venom. Fans, however, kinda dug it.

Sony, the studio behind the movie, unsurprisingly looks to be playing to the latter here. Which makes sense! Especially when you consider that fans made the studio hundreds of millions of dollars and reviewers gave the execs ulcers. As for how they're playing to fans, you can just compare the marketing of this sequel to the 2018 original. Whereas the first movie was quite cagey in its use of Tom Hardy in his black and white Venom getup, they've stripped away any pretense, or focus on plot, and basically said, oh, you want Venom to fight his second biggest arch-nemesis? Uh yeah, we can do that. We can do looooots of that. (Note: second because Spider-Man is still stuck in the "real" Marvel universe).

Carnage, played by national treasure Woody Harrelson, if you're not familiar, is basically like the eviler version of the kinda-sorta-but-not-always-evil anti-hero Venom. It's kind of like if someone randomly slapped you, but then someone else came up to you right after, punched you in the gut, kicked your shins, ate your face off with giant teeth and stabbed you in the kidneys with fleshy spears they grew from their back.

They're both dicks, but one is objectively a bigger one.

Now, has Sony playing into fans' desires helped the franchise get "better" such that critics will become fans themselves? Um. That's still very much tbd, but based on the fact reviews are nowhere to be seen at the moment, I wouldn't bet too many Issue #1 The Amazing Spider-Man's on it.

Vibe: a bit goofier (compared to the MCU) almost 90's throwback style, with 2020 SFX and budget, of a superhero movie

Out  Friday
Watch  Theaters Only
The Trailer | 1 hr 37 mins | PG-13 | 🍅: TBD

The Many Saints of Newark: This is a prequel to the famed TV show The Sopranos, and it tracks how Tony Soprano turned into Tony Soprano (the young Tony is actually played by the now deceased James Gandolfini's real son, Michael). The movie was conceived and written by David Chase, the creator of the show. If you're a fan, you might know this already. If you're not and thinking, oh! maybe I can just catch up real quick. Uuuuuuuh, let's just say that if you sat down and hit play on The Sopranos right now, from the very beginning, didn't pause to get food, water, or take bathroom breaks, you still wouldn't finish by the time The Many Saints of Newark was available to watch on Friday. That's because the entire show takes 86 hours to complete (or 3 full days and 14 hours).

Now, if you've you spent 0.0012% of your life ingesting the journey of Mr. Soprano, and are debating if you need to give over any more of it, I'd say, what's another two hours? Especially since reviews note that while it may not be required viewing, it is by and large a welcome reintroduction to the world. Although, and you may not be surprised, plenty of critics thought the story was fairly stuffed and might work better as... a TV show.

However, if you're like me, and you've yet to catch up on "the greatest TV show ever" - in addition to the other 17 other greatest shows ever (not a knock on The Sopranos!)? You're probably ok saying fuggedaboutit (did I do that right?) until you've locked yourself in a couch-hole and become best friends with the rats eating Cheetos off your chest.

There is another scenario where you are someone's viewing +1, but make sure your Sopranos initiated co-viewer is cool with a lot of "wait, who's that in the show??" type questions.

Vibe: a TV show mob story wrapped in a movie length coat

Out  Friday
Watch  Theaters & HBO Max
The Trailer | 2 hrs 0 mins | R | 🍅: 74%

The Guilty: If you think Jake Gyllenhaal is attractive (decent chance), it's worth noting that you'll be staring at his face for the majority of this movie. And by the majority, I mean, all of it. So take that into consideration here. Because this is a movie in the vein of Tom Hardy's Locke and Ryan Reynolds Buried; while they may talk to other people talk on the phone, you really only see the lead.

The premise is that Gyllenhaal is a cop sent off to a 911 call center after doing... something on the job. We don't know what that something is, but you can bet it factors largely in to the plot - which starts with said handsome cop annoyed and bored out of his mind. But then an actual situation comes up with a woman he thinks has been abducted (voices here are Riley Keough - "abductee" / Peter Saarsgard - "abductor"). Without being able to go off and do the saving himself, he has to figure out how to help.

You might be thinking ok, sounds fine, but come on, can 90 minutes on the phone really be all that compelling? Won't I get bored? Apparently not! Critics note that even if the original is better (see below), the movie is still effective at creating lots of tension by stripping everything away and focusing on Gyllenhaal and his helpless desperation.

Btw, The Guilty was directed by Antoine Fuqua, who has made movies you might've seen (Training Day, The Equalizer), some you hopefully haven't (the recent Infinite) and was written by Nic Pozzolatto - who created and wrote all the True Detective seasons. All this noteable Hollywood muscle is remaking a well regarded Danish movie (on Hulu!), but it sorta makes sense because it was shot last fall during "the bullshit." And to be fair what better movie for it than a dude alone in a room, yelling into his phone? Again, sounds not all that compelling. Apparently is quite compelling!

Vibe: tight, taught, and all the other words that describe a movie dependent on tension

Out  Friday
Watch  Netflix
The Trailer | 1 hr 31 mins | R| 🍅: 71%

The Addams Family 2: If to you, the 90's movies are The Addams Family, you can be forgiven for thinking this animated version is nothing more than a cash grab cop out focused on taking a well known property, leaving just enough of the original aesthetic, slapping on a lot of modern music and pop culture references, make it animated and presenting it as something new.

In part, because you wouldn't be wrong. This sequel, and the original, are indeed trying make money. And they are treading on fairly worn territory. But to be fair, the ones featuring Christina Ricci as a pale-faced Wednesday were also trying to grab your hard earned allowance. But I get it's hard to show your kids something that feels inferior to whatever you see as the originator. So go on! Show em the 1991 version, it is rated PG-13 after all.

As for people who just want to entertain their kids for a bit? I mean sure, this looks like it could do the trick. But the filmmakers didn't get that soft, so you're still gonna have the siblings try and off each other in horrid ways, alternative forms of parenting, icky dinner meals and lots of Uncle Fester enduring physical treatment that should clearly kill a man, yet somehow doesn't.

As for the premise of this sequel? Why it's the classic family road trip of course - with a bit of genetic family drama tossed in. No reviews yet, but based on the first movie and the fairly quick turn-around between the two, I can't imagine it's going to bring a smile to too many critics' faces (just how the Addams' would want it?).

Vibe: a pop culture heavy animation laced with a goth-light version of the Addams' aesthetic

Out  Friday
Watch  Theaters & VOD Rental
The Trailer | 1 hr 32 mins | PG | 🍅: TBD

(called out from top, left to right)

Licorice Pizza is the next movie from Paul Thomas Anderson (Boogie Nights, The Master, Inherent Vice, Magnolia, Phantom Thread, There Will Be Blood, Punch Drunk Love) aaaand can we just have it already? Please, k, thx. (in reality we have to wait until Nov 26th)

The rest of the featured trailers are full looks as movies that have already had teasers, including:

Disney's Encanto - a magical house that's bestowed powers upon the family that calls it home is having issues, and has to be saved by the one family member that wasn't imbued with abilities (but we all know that's not true really, right?)

The Harder They Fall - a revenge western with a nearly all Black cast, including: Regina King, Idris Elba, Zazie Beets, LaKeith Stanfield, Delroy Lindo and Jonathan Majors.

Spencer - a movie about Diana. Princess Diana that is.

What's In Theaters +

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