This week, we're gettin "noughty" 🔥

Jan 26, 2022

"Your clothes.
Give them to me.
Now."

PINNED: this newsletter started as a way to highlight movies coming to theaters (see: the name). Then, "the bullshit" happened. And I started featuring movies in theaters, VOD or streaming (see: the +). Point is, if there's a movie worth checking out, you'll probably find it here.

It doesn't happen very often, but the number of movies having a wide theatrical release this weekend are equivalent to the number of people from whom you need to ask permission to go and do that one thing you've always really wanted to do, but haven't (yet). As in, absolutely fucking zero.

But if a situation like this is gonna happen, it's gonna happen in January. I've shit on the month wrt movie going in newsletters past (hell, I did two weeks ago), but it fits. I don't blame the month itself, January is a lovely collection of days, I "blame" the studios who decide when to release their latest wares. And I don't even really hold them that accountable. Narratives around release dates exist and it's hard to shift them. Plus, as I've also mentioned in the past, plenty of solid movies have had their coming out parties in the only acceptable month to wish someone a Happy New Year (Feb is clear HNY no go territory).

You might expect some of the streaming platforms to see this as an opportunity, but no real big releases from them either. The only notable happening is the (a bit flummoxing) "based on the true story" movie, Home Game. It's a Kevin James starring, (King of Queens, Paul Blart), Adam Sandler produced movie about the (now former!) New Orleans Saints coach Sean Payton going back to help his semi-estranged son's football team after he was suspended for a year for his team's involvement in "Bountygate" - where his players allegedly got paid to intentionally hurt opponents. I know, if you're someone who doesn't watch football, it sounds like... football. Apparently Payton personally read and approved of the final script, which like, sure. I guess that makes sense. Better to have it be an inane looking family comedy where kids barf on each other - a lot - rather than a hardcore drama that gets into any substantive critiques eh? 🤷‍♂️

Dunno. Up to you! Well, it always is of course. I mean, it's not as if I secretly have some new and menacing technology that forces you to watch whatever I choose just because you read this newsletter*. Pffftt. Of course not! That would be crazy. (Almost as crazy as thinking Facebook, excuse me, Meta, has been listening to your phone for all these years).

But in case you're still hankering for some recommendations, how about Disney's Encanto, where a magical house bestows amazing gifts to the family who lives there, although, tbh, it probably doesn't need one. Then again, it didn't do amazingly well at the box office, but that's probably partly due to Disney+ existing and people figuring they'll just watch it when it gets there. Well, it's there (and has been for a 'lil while).

Or maybe you're a Princess Diana lover, and you can check out Spencer, the "moment in time" sorta-biopic starring Kristen Stewart (who is getting extremely good reviews for her performance) as the beloved royalty. It's streaming now too.

Or maaaaybe you love is of a different kind and it's for Wes Anderson, but you never made it to the theater for his latest, The French Dispatch (don't worry, I won't tell the rest of the subreddit - this one or that one). Yup, streaming. And only six bucks! What a deal!

*or do I

(called out from top, left to right)

Guillermo Del Toro is making a stop-motion animated Pinocchio movie for Netflix. That should satisfy for this week

(but there are other trailers, just click below).

What's In Theaters +

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