We can't stop here - this is bat country!

Mar 03, 2022

PINNED: this newsletter started as a way to highlight movies coming to theaters (see: the name). Then, "the bullshit" happened. And I started featuring movies in theaters, VOD or streaming (see: the +). Point is, if there's a movie worth checking out, you'll probably find it here.

So in news that's not movie related (directly), Disney is moving the Marvel TV series that originally aired on Netflix (Daredevil, Jessica Jones, Luke Cage etc.) - and cancelled in 2018 / 19 - over to Disney +. That includes The Punisher. The Punisher! A show where I would bet more people are shot, shivved, stabbed, bloodied, head butted, punched, kicked than all movies carrying the Disney brand... combined??

I was gonna write "needless to say," but no, definitely needed to say, Disney is launching parental controls the same day the shows are being added to the platform. The company will apparently force you to confirm your settings before allowing you to do anything else. Which makes a lot of sense, because that show ain't just sittin' in the + part of "Disney +," that shit's like on the +++++++++++++ end of the spectrum. Seriously, click that link if you don't believe me.

Now, it makes sense that Disney would want all their Marvel stuff consolidated, especially considering those shows are "canon." As in, they take place at the same time as all the big Thor, Iron Man, Captain America movies were happening. But it does beg the question of how this affects the Disney brand; I just mentioned two weeks ago how it was the strongest of the studios and actually meant something to consumers. In the short term, it does nothing. It's not big enough. "Disney" is way too strong for a show on Disney + to mess it all up. But in the longer term? Does this lead towards the eventual "blanding" or even degradation of a name people associate with and trust? I know, that seems severe. But if Disney the corporation is willing to risk a kid stumbling upon an episode of a show where someone is stuck with a sharp metal object 15 times in a row in their shoulder, blood splattering everywhere, I imagine they'll continue to be lax about what they add and hide behind "parental controls."

Or maybe not! Maybe they'll shove it all over to Hulu and they just wanted the Marvel stuff in one spot. But my guess is, they'll continue the consolidation and eventually Disney + will be the only platform (no Hulu). But at that point, people will no longer be able to let their kids roam freely, not worrying about them seeing what it looks like when someone's face is slammed into a glass wall repeatedly such that shards are buried into their god damn skull. Again, don't believe me? Click the link!

While we wait for that day to come, I'll be waiting for the headline, "Parents blame Disney + for influencing their child to stab and dismember adorable fluffy rabbit." I mean, I won't really be waiting waiting, but you you know what I mean.

Extra Credit Movies: Hulu dropped No Exit last weekend. It's a smallish looking thriller that kinda reminds me of Bad Times at the El Royale (a movie I had hoped would be better than it was). Way smaller budget and a bit more gritty. Reviews aren't great, but they're not terrible either if you're keen on a little game of who do I (not) trust.

THE BATMAN

Robert Pattinson is only the seventh human ever who is able to truthfully declare, "I'm Batman" (annoying technical detail: barring non live-action movies / tv shows).

Which, admittedly, has to be pretty fucking cool. Great party trick. But he's uttering those words the same year other Bruce Waynes (two and six, respectively) are also donning the cowl. So while he is Batman, he's not the only Batman, but he is The Batman, or at least starring in it?? Jesus, even I'm confused at this stage.

Point is, you have to be good at holding multiple thoughts in your head if you want to not only watch, but enjoy movies in the DC superhero world these days. Or forgetful. Either works.

The main thing I need to communicate here is that this is a fresh take on the character, that requires no previous knowledge coming in. There's no multi-verse, just this plain ol' "verse." (for now?) But director Matt Reeves - who made Cloverfield and Dawn / Rise of the Planet of the Apes - knows most people are intimately aware of the character, and coming in with plenty of history, so this is also not an origin story. You find Batman / Wayne in a sort of fledgling role, trying to figure out what it is to be Batman, outside of just parading around in a black rubber suit with unnecessarily pointy "ears." But he's not alone on the journey, joining him are foes The Penguin (Colin Farrell) and Riddler (Paul Dano), frenemy Selina Kyle / Catwoman (Zoë Kravitz) and legit friends Alfred (Andy Serkis) as well as Lt. James Gordon (Jeffrey Wright).

The vibe is also somewhat new in comparison to previous caped crusader stories. While many of the old iterations were "dark," visually and thematically, this is likely the darkest - almost like a goth Batman. Ok fine, an even more goth Batman. It should be more city bound than Christopher Nolan's versions and much less traditionally superhero"y" than Affleck's venture under the mask. It seems almost to be a detective-noir hidden into a mainstream superhero movie.

Other things to know are the movie is long, three hours long. Some people are miffed about this, but a reminder that The Dark Knight Rises was also nearly three hours (yes, it was the third in a trilogy, but movies are just plain longer these days so I dunno, I guess just stop your whining? jkjkjkjkjkjk).

As for reviews, they're really quite positive. Even some of the negative one were at least intrigued and are curious about where the story might go next.

Other than that, it's Batman, so if that's your thing, lower your voice to a growl, ask your partner, buddies, neighbor, stranger if they want to go - and be ready for them to ask what the hell is wrong with your voice. And then do it all again in your normal, aka "Bruce Wayne," voice.

Vibe: the version of Batman you've been waiting for since that year you wore waaaay too much eyeliner

Out   Friday
Watch   Theaters
The Trailer | 2 hrs 55 mins | PG-13 | 🍅: 86%

AFTER YANG

A quiet contemplation on what it is to be human, love, mourning, and our relationship to technology.

.....

Still here? Good. Cuz I'd wager that the vast majority of people that read description are are gonna be like, ☮️!

Which is fair, most of us don't want to think too much when our goal is to be entertained; we went to be well, entertained. And even if I tell you the movie stars Colin Farrell at the top of his abilities, has been very well reviewed, and even seems to bring something new to the sentient A.I. realm of sci-fi, you're still going likely to trend towards that next episode of your fifth rewatch of: Scrubs? It's Always Sunny? HIMYM? Lost?? All of the above?!

But if and when you're feeling it, that temptation to reflect a bit, this seems like an interesting choice. It's not a movie where the android turns on its "owners" and goes on a murderous rampage, it just, stops working. Which is much less explosive, but potentially more dramatic than the killing spree scenario. That's because the family in question had become quite attached to their helper, the titular named Yang - maybe even more than they knew.  Farrell and his wife (Jodie Turner-Smith - from Queen & Slim) acquired Yang to help with their daughter, who becomes distraught at her companion's demise. So Farrell sets off trying to find a fix, but along the way, may find ways to fix things he didn't even know was ailing him and his family.

Vibe: maybe more like a movie poem - quiet, introspective, but ultimately rewarding

Out   Friday
Watch   Showtime / Limited Theaters
The Trailer | 1 hr 41 mins | PG | 🍅: 84%

FRESH

Dating can be hard, you have to go out and eat new people.... *ahem* apologies, I meant mmmm meat, new people. Wow. Really trippin' here. You have to MEET. new. people. Sheesh. You'd think having dated a time or two in my life I'd have gotten that across more easily. It's almost as if I'm not so subtly alluding to the hook of this what initially seems like a romantic comedy, but is very much not a romantic comedy (well, unless you're Armie Hammer? - editor: booo hisss).

Sebastian Stan, the dude most well known for having a metal arm not named Cable or Jax, and Daisy Edgar-Jones (from Normal People) are the two singles looking to frolic in this here modern fairy tale. But this story looks to harken back to those old school versions, the kind where bad shit happens and it teaches you some sort of precautionary lesson. So if you've the appetite to potentially lose yours, give this one a click on the ol' Hu-tube (that's Hulu for those not up with my snazzy new lingo) this weekend.

And btw, reviewers really seem to have enjoyed it, in large part because they're keen on first time director Mimi Cave's stylish take and the actors' committed performances - even giving it some breaks for an ending many thought was a bit over done / trite.

Vibe: a romantic horror story in the vein of Get Out and Promising Young Woman

Out Friday
Watch On Hulu
The Trailer | 1 hr 54 mins | R | 🍅: 82%

(called out from top, left to right)

Brad Pitt is doing a slick action movie from the dude who directed Deadpool 2 and John Wick (he wasn't credited though), David Leitch. He was also Pitt's stuntman. Seems like Leitch basically was like yeah, I can do another John Wick - i.e. it stars lots of "assassins" fighting with some fun settings. Honestly though, the movie looks super fun. They called it Bullet Train cuz it takes place on, a bullet train.

Extra Credit Trailers: The new Ryan Reynolds Netflix movie The Adam Project (time traveling / sci-fi / throwback style) did a second trailer, even though it comes out next week. So I'd probably just wait if you're already into it.

Sandra Oh did a cool looking horror movie called Umma where it's basically a creepy version of "I won't end up like my mother." Also comes out soon (March 18th in theaters).

What's In Theaters +

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