Weekend of May 27, 2022 BETA

May 25, 2022

"Who told you I was a dope rapper?"

PINNED: this newsletter started as a way to highlight movies coming to theaters (see: the name). Then, "the bullshit" happened. And I started featuring movies in theaters, VOD or streaming (see: the +). Point is, if there's a movie worth checking out, you'll probably find it here.

Which type are you?

Are you the show me the person behind the acting kinda type? Or would you rather they shove off when you hit power on your TV?

Are you hoarding every copy of PEOPLE, Us Weekly or In Touch of which your favorite star graces the cover? Or are you like, dude, get outta my face already?

Are you hearting their every post on Twitter, Insta and Tiktok? Or are you... bored with this already?

I ask because I've been discussing the idea of whether knowing more about an actor adds or subtracts from the viewing experience with a couple friends recently, partly prompted by the new Top Gun movie and how once people learned certain aspects of Tom Cruise's personal life they became a bit, shall we say, nonplussed. The original Top Gun, which was pre-couch jumping, is considered the movie that made Cruise a s.t.a.r. star. And while people have made plenty of jokes at his expense since he told Matt Lauer (ew) he doesn't know the history of psychology, Mr. Mapother IV is about to have the first $100 million opening weekend of his career. At age 59. Post South Park "Trapped in the Closet" episode.

Regardless of your opinions on wanting to know more about the people entertaining you, it's hard to even conceive of Cruise as anything more than a movie star, it's almost as if he's always been here. Starring it up. And who knows, maybe he will be forever (more on that later). There was this ESPN article recently about the evolution of Cruise's running style, which whatever, gotta stay topical, but there was this anecdote about him from high school that I thought was interesting. He ate hot peppers on a dare from a teacher, but couldn't drink anything after or he wouldn't get the five bucks. They were super hot so he ran outside and started eating snow to cool down. As then he technically didn't "drink anything." Smart kid. It stood out me because I've rarely, if ever, heard stories about him pre-stardom. It made me remember that yes, he's THE Tom Cruise, but he's still just like a dude, who at one point ate some snow to win a bet.

I imagine most of us would agree it's additive if you have warm fuzzies towards the person starring in the movie you're watching. I feel like Ryan Reynolds has learned this over the past decade and just decided to be "Ryan Reynolds" everywhere, including his movies. It's clearly worked as he has become a megastar. But what if you learned he one time yelled at Blake. Or god forbid, hates puppies. Does that make you less likely to enjoy his quiptastic performances? I guess it becomes more of an issue when you're acting and you become one and the same.

But going back to Cruise, I have to say it's fairly impressive how he's been able to not only come back from, but almost eclipse what for a while seemed like an insurmountable turd mountain of bad press. It may have affected him for a while, but the dude kept chuggin', hucking his body off buildings and grasping onto planes by his finger tips. All for your entertainment. And so what if he maybe "interviews" his romantic, what the hell do you call a date??

Anyway, point is, there is no point, as usual. Just some musings that if we hang out in person would be fun to discuss. Until that time comes, enjoy some movies.

TOP GUN:
MAVERICK

I can't tell you how a fifteen year old is going to respond to this movie, or even a twenty-five year old for that matter.

But anyone over the age of 30 who has even a vestige of being a Top Gun fan? Yeah, my guess is you're going to fuckin' love it. What makes me so confident? Because all these critics remembering or imminently facing their mid-life crises are losing their god damned minds over this movie.

"A textbook example of how to make a sequel."

"a confidently rapturous, emotionally involving, take-your-breath-away great time at the movies."

"Unquestionably the best studio action film to have been released since 2015’s Mad Max: Fury Road"

"This is a worthy, often exemplary follow-up to the 1986 classic. It’s everything a summer movie should be."

"It’s a fresh-faced gloss on the original... powered, like the original, by a star who’ll simply never stop being a star."

"Maverick" is the perfect wingman to "Top Gun" and a more than worthy successor to a classic. It flies so high it soars."

"A thrilling, catch-your-breath action blockbuster that dazzles with its weighty, daredevil aerial sequences, actual emotional stakes and a charm-laden performance from Cruise that reminds everyone why he is one of the remaining bona fide movie stars."

Jesus, at least buy the movie a drink before you drool all over it, eh people?

So yeah, in the who-woulda-thunk-it twist you never saw coming, turns out waiting 36 years actually helped the movie. Whether it was the time for the technology to catch up to what Tom Cruise wanted to achieve with his "no one has lived forever... yet" mentality, or the peak nostalgia froth that is sitting at the top of entertainment cup, or simply the clarity of wisdom brought upon by age and the reality that while we may not live for forever (editor's note: Mr. Cruise personally asked me to emphasize may), we're alive right now, so let's get to it and give 'em hell, or all of the above, it worked. Clearly.

Who is "them" btw? In the 80's it was those darn commie bastards, nice and simple. But the world is complicated now (note: it actually always has been), there's no clear enemy with whom the United States is sitting tête-à-tête with militarily (well, at least there wasn't when this movie started filming three years ago). But this movie isn't about politics - even if its apolitical stance while still glorifying the US armed forces is somewhat political - so don't think about that, or think too hard at all for that matter.

All you have to think about is that need...

Vibe: BLOCKBUSTER

Out Friday
Watch Theaters
The Trailer | 2 hrs 11 mins | PG-13 | 🍅: 97%

EMERGENCY

Media that deals with topical issues can often be boring, trite or even medicinal. Yuck. However you want to describe it, it feels a bit lazy when it seems like the writers snatched a headline and wrote some dialogue, the plot already taken care of by the news article they scanned. *cough* Law and Order *cough*

Based on reviews, Emergency is able to thread its themes into a solid buddy comedy without tripping over-itself too much. It's basically one of those bad decisions movies, but gets at why the particular decisions are made - and if they're actually, well, "bad." Makes me think of something like Neighbors, Booksmart or Superbad, but from a different angle.

See, the movie is set out like plenty of others where there's "one last night." A couple of buddies are gonna hit up some epic parties during the last days of their senior year of college. But things go awry when they come home and a girl, whom they don't know, is passed out in their entryway. Big deal, call 911, right? Thing is, the girl is white, and the two dudes and their roommate, are not - they're Black and Brown respectively. The plot turns on this not quite as simple as it seems detail, and sets off the night in a much different direction. With plenty more ripe for discussion decisions to come.

And while I mentioned topicality above, it looks as if the filmmakers are treating this almost in the opposite of the story of the week. That this isn't an event that happened, but something that simply "is." The burden of considering things that many people just don't have to consider. But instead of lecturing, they want to make people laugh along the way. If sometimes darkly. Because humor is the best, well, you know.

Vibe: a legit comedy w/ more than just jokes

Out Now / Friday
Watch Theaters / Amazon Prime
The Trailer | 1 hr 45 mins | R | 🍅: 94%

THE BOB'S BURGERS MOVIE

There is a long list of animated TV shows that have received theatrical movies: The Simpsons, South Park, Spongebob Squarepants (two), Beavis and Butt-Head, Rugrats (three!), DuckTales and on and on. It feels inevitable for any cartoon that runs for a couple hundred episodes. But if your fav show is well into pushing triple digits in the episode count, how can you expect anything new? You probably shouldn't, and that's ok! Because sometimes the filmmakers do try and do something different by "going big" to try and create unnecessary stakes when the characters people know and love are used to dealing with the quotidian. Most people just want more of what they know. (see: 238 episodes as evidence) But you can probably empathize, the team want people to feel like they're getting their monies worth. That, or they're scared of being called out for making a cash grab. And maybe it is mostly a play for money, but I watched most of the movies based on the above series, so who am I to gripe?

Now I don't watch Bob's Burgers (have always wanted to, but there are so. many. shows.), but people really like it (see: 238). The family at the center seem to fit into this nice place between odd and ultimately endearing. Sorta of like The Simpsons, but with a scoach more heart? That's my perception at least.  Reviews confirm you'll basically be getting the equivalent of five episodes stitched together. And even if you haven't seen all the previous exploits of the Blechler family, you'll probably enjoy yourself too.

Side note: why doesn't this happen for live-action TV shows? Law and Order: SVU has been on for 23 years! If people will watch for two decades, you have to imagine at least some of the diehards would traipse out to the theater? /shrug

Vibe: animated hijinks, of the Belcher variety

Out   Friday
Watch   Theaters
The Trailer | 1 hr 42 mins | PG-13 | 🍅: 95%

(called out from top, left to right)

Six trailers in six words (each):

Naked Chris Hemsworth... breathe, breathe, breathe

Mission: Impossible? More like mission possible

Netflix loves bland looking action movies

George Miller has eclectic tastes. And?

We're a long way from Scranton

When you get paid to travel

What's In Theaters +

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