TBD

Jun 01, 2022

"Where's he from, Uranus? Get it?
Your, anus."

PINNED: this newsletter started as a way to highlight movies coming to theaters (see: the name). Then, "the bullshit" happened. And I started featuring movies in theaters, VOD or streaming (see: the +). Point is, if there's a movie worth checking out, you'll probably find it here.

A I talked about Top Gun: Maverick in contrast to the Avatar follow up, The Way of Water. How even though Maverick was nearly four times longer in its journey from original to sequel, it felt far closer emotionally. How Maverick would be considered more of a success, even if The Way of Water, the second film in franchise kicked off by the biggest film of all time, ultimately makes more money when it's released in December.

Oh boy did we get off to a good start with that prediction.

Maverick didn't just make monaaaaaaaaaay, it was the highest domestic (and wordlwide) opening of Tom Cruise's career - by far - and broke the record for largest Memorial Day weekend box office ever (beating Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End). The movie saw an A+ CinemaScore (read: people are surveyed how they feel about the movie as they came out of the theater) and is currently at 99% audience approval on Rotten Tomatoes - for context, Spider-Man: No Way Home (released in December and the sixth biggest movie of all time) saw an A+ and is at 98% audience approval. So yeah, Maverick should do all right.

Now, we'll have to wait half a year to see if those Latham The Oracle t-shirts I printed are going to be priceless or you'll get to make fun of me endlessly. Both? But until then, we have some more movies to watch...

Btw, I get that if you have to ask your readers to well, read your newsletter, you might be doing something wrong, but I don't pass judgement on how you use me, er, my weekly email. I'm just happy if any value is gained by opening it up for two minutes or two hours (two hours??). But I really encourage you to read the blurbs on the movies this week. Because otherwise some are movies you may just let flit by. And even if they aren't going to win Academy Awards, I think they're still worth your consideration. And even if it's just that, your consideration, I'll be happy. Because a little awareness is never a bad thing.

CRIMES OF THE FUTURE

Oh geez, how to describe this one? Well, in opposition to the name, this is decidedly not a Minority Report follow up. But gosh, how I do hope someone stumbles into the theater thinking that's the case. 🤞 No, this is a movie from the mind of David Cronenberg. That phrase, "from the mind of" is often used in movie marketing when one wants to denote a director known for depicting unique and often bonkers shit on screen. Well in the case of Cronenberg, it fits. In the best way possible. He's made movies about people into auto erotica (Crash, no not that one)  - as in people get turned on by car crashes. He remade the 1950 horror classic The Fly with Jeff Goldblum and Geena Davis, where an experiment goes awry and a man literally morphs into a human sized fly - which turned into another classic. So yeah, the guy knows his oddities.

Here Cronenberg is delving into the world of body modification as a sort of consequence of some unnamed catastrophic earthly happenings. See, humans, in this unnamed future time, have lost the ability to feel pain and with that have taken to altering their body as a means of... pleasure? entertainment? boredom? The a,b,c's?

But while none of the characters in the movie seem to be grossed out by the active dissection of live human beings, in fact often the opposite, you may be. So I'd consider your gag reflex before entering the theater. But you can always close your eyes. What's probably more pertinent is to consider your penchant for movies that are more focused on metaphors than leading you down the plot path.

Vibe: gross out horror, but not the kind of horror you're thinking

Out   Friday
Watch   Theaters
The Trailer | 1 hr 47 mins | R | 🍅: 81%

FIRE ISLAND

There are plenty of reasons TV shows have become as popular as they are, taking over the weather as the de facto awkward silence filler at parties; and I'd argue even supplanting movies in the cultural hierarchy. But I think one of the key aspects to this ascension is for the viewer's ability to simply spend time in a world, and with people, they enjoy, for hours on end. The best part is, one doesn't have to do any emotional labor, you're just there, hangin' out, while the characters on screen go through all the arduous trials and you forget about your own tribulations. But hey! Movies can do that too, and Fire Island is here to remind you of that fact*. Or at least that's the vibe I'm getting. Because come on, who doesn't want to join a cadre of endlessly entertaining friends as they embark on a party weekend to the famed Fire Island getaway - led by Bowen Yang, the instant SNL star?

Yes, I was begging the question because of course there are still far too many of people who wouldn't want to watch that. And not because they're against movies that take from beloved classics (in this case Jane Austen's Pride and Prejudice) and fit them to modern times, or they're anti rom-coms, but merely because they're uncomfortable with a story that involves gay romance. Which, is just severely unfortunate.

But Fire Island is also here to remind us that there are still, even though things are shifting, a pathetic amount of stories centering on LGBTQ+ love. And even if in one aspect, it's a nice two hour diversion from your day, it's also one more step towards a place where even those who aren't ok with it right now, might be.

So in between your next binge of the Obi-Wan Kenobi and season four of Stranger Things maybe consider a night out with the boys (and Margaret Cho!).

*plus, you'll be done in a mere two hours vs enduring ten hours to figure who the real killer is (the shady one) / if they're gonna kiss (yes, they are going to kiss)

Vibe: modern story, classic roots

Out Friday
Watch Hulu
The Trailer | 1 hr 45 mins | R | 🍅: 93%

WATCHER

I'm not necessarily touting this, but I'm not one for overtly expressing gratitude about things in my life, especially when forced at a Thanksgiving table (nightmare). But one thing I am explicitly thankful for is the women I know who've shared their experiences and perspectives with me about what it is to exist in the world as a woman. Because it's not something I'll ever live through myself - the catcalling, the checking for exits in a parking structure, the subtle misogynistic put downs, the being told to smile more, the being told you're smiling too much, the.... it's a long, unfortunate list of course. But by hearing from those who have to put with all the bullshit, I'm able to have more empathy, context.

I (somewhat awkwardly?) bring this up because, like many movies, Watcher is entertainment, but also looks to thread in and highlight a very common reality. First time feature director Chloe Okuno said it explicitly in discussing the movie, saying she was aiming for "a kind of constant, uncomfortable dread that accompanies many women throughout their lives."

Oh joy, the crushing weight of living, let's make a movie about it! Right, get it. But this is kind of what humans do. We take our trauma and make entertainment out of it. By sharing our experiences it can not only can help us process it, but can expose others to what we've endured (see above).

Plus, the movie is apparently good, quite good! Reviews compliment the simmering tension which doesn't bleed into overt thriller melodrama, as well as the lead performance from Maika Monroe (who also starred in my fav, It Follows). So maybe I buried the shit out of the lede here, but if I had simply stated the movie "looks like a solid thriller about an expat woman in Romania who fears she's being stalked by a serial killer," it might've left you a bit lacking. Which would've been a bummer. Or maybe I've belabored the point, even going so far as to speak out of turn. Hard to say. All I know is, the movie the looks solid. The themes look compelling. And I'm glad it's there for us to watch and I hope I made you consider it more than you might have. 🙂

Vibe: watch her

Out   Friday
Watch   Theaters
The Trailer | 1 hr 36 mins | R | 🍅: 82%

(called out from top, left to right)

I liked last week's Trailers! section. So let's do it again! Six more trailers in six more words (each):

Jaws, with a lion, with Idris

T'was inevitable, wasn't it Tom Hanks?

Kevin be like, is it broke?!

The Bridgerton effect, in full effect

Jonathan hoping for Top Gun halo

Chef becomes a dictator, vice versa?

What's In Theaters +

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