It all comes down to... something

Jun 08, 2022

"Your Mickey Mouse
is one big stupid dope!"

PINNED: this newsletter started as a way to highlight movies coming to theaters (see: the name). Then, "the bullshit" happened. And I started featuring movies in theaters, VOD or streaming (see: the +). Point is, if there's a movie worth checking out, you'll probably find it here.

Hollywood loves stakes (steaks too, but increasingly less so). See, movie studios want their movies to have a reason for being. They're looking to create a sense of "urgency." It's a word that's bandied about a lot in marketing meetings. Thus why the phrase "it all comes down to this" is used frequently in ads. They want to make you feel like something important is going to happen, even if, it's probably not that big of a deal.

This week's big movie, Jurassic World: Dominion is relying on this play very heavily. Studios often use this strategy when there's not much of a reason for the movie to exist beyond "another one." It's not necessarily bad, it's just very telling. See if you can spot it when you're watching trailers / ads for movies. You'll start to spot how the messaging is more dictatorial, like what I'm describing, or a lighter touch. I have to imagine there's a bit of diminishing returns with it all too. Because the more movie marketing talks about how important this movie is, it forces the next one to amp up to at least at the same level, if not higher. That's more than I can get into now, but just a fun thing I realized / remembering when watching all the Dominion materials.

Also, in the Top Gun Maverick box office update you didn't ask for, the movie had the best second weekend of any movie that opened to over $100 million - percentage wise. That means either people are talking about it loudly and lovingly, or that a decent amount of people are seeing it more than once. Most likely it's both. We'll have to wait a while, but this may end up being the biggest movie of the year. Super interesting!

JURASSIC WORLD: DOMINION

When I featured this movie's predecessor, Fallen Kingdom, four(!) years ago, I barely wrote anything. In fact, I left you dear readers with a simple haiku...

Island go kaboom
Dinos are not the evil
Whimper is the sound

Because does anyone really need to be told anything about the next Jurassic movie beyond, "it exists?" Probably not. I mean, I could tell you Dominion has received the highest percentage of negative reviews in the franchise, but does anyone think that'll materially affect the monetary outcome? Not the box office predictors of the world*.

The big hook here, besides of course the massive amount of CG dinosaurs, is that "the original three" are all back together again. Which is something, but it's not as if they haven't been back before. Hell, Jeff Goldblum, aka Ian Malcom, is the series' most regular (outside of BD Wong as Dr. Henry Wu) with four of six appearances. Sam Neill, aka Dr. Grant, will have been in three - same as "the new generation" stars Chris Pratt and Bryce Dallas Howard. So maybe the biggest deal is the return of Laura Dern, aka Ellie Sattler, who while technically in JP III (it was only in a perfunctory role), we haven't seen since the original. Which is admittedly cool, cuz she rules.

And speaking of the original, I really think, more than most franchises, the franchise relies on that movie's goodwill for much of the latter film's success. I mean, just listen to the theme song and you'll probably get chills. At this point I feel like watching Jurassic movies is akin to eating ice cream piled high with toppings, trying to get back that initial rush of amazement at how awesome ice cream is, but just getting overwhelmed by all the other flavors. Turns out, you can never bring your heart back home. Wait, shit, I I think I fucked that up.

Anyway, it's another dinosaur movie.

*as someone who used to be involved in building prediction models in the days of yore, it does feel like we'll see some decline from the previous two movies. But that's more hunch than anything else.

Vibe: more rawr than RAWR

Out Friday
Watch Theaters
The Trailer | 2 hrs 26 mins | PG-13 | 🍅: 38%

HUSTLE

Sports movies, unlike most actual sports (much to the vehement disagreement of far too many people out there), are rigged.

That is to say, they're intentionally manipulating our feelings. And most of us are all like, yes, I came for the thing, gimme the god damn thing. We want to see the outsider break into the metaphorical "inside." We want to come away feeling like anything is possible. But even if we're in on it, we still have to be wooed a little, shown a good time, *insert any other euphemisms generally used for sex and dating*, allowing us to believe that just maybe, the inevitable won't happen. In other words, the movie still has to earn it.

And critics say Hustle is a wooer. Which may surprise you if you're aware that it stars Adam Sandler. Because even if he's done some excellent non "Adam Sandler movies" (see: Uncut Gems, Punch Drunk Love, The Meyerowitz Stories) lots of people probably see him and think, oh, so it's a goofy sports comedy, right? Nope, this is a legit Rocky style story, with the inevitable training montage and all.

But if you step back even a tiny bit, you can see it. It starts with Sandler's innate like-ability, which lends itself well to a character who must schlepp across the world, trying to find the next great talent, all in hopes of becoming a coach someday, but whose dreams are dashed by the entitled son of the owner. It doesn't hurt the also very likable Queen Latifah plays his no bullshit wife.

Add the well known fact Sandler has a very deep love of basketball (down to the athletic shorts), as well that he partnered with LeBron James to produce the movie, surely helping to get player participation - including real life giant human, and NBA player, Juancho Hernangomez as the undiscovered talent Sandler must march into the draft.

Now, if you're more of the #sportsball type, you'll still likely be able to appreciate, as reviews say it stays pretty focused on character vs delving too deeply into the specifics of everything. And I don't need to tell you too much more, not because it would ruin it, but because well, you already know what's going to happen, don't you?

Vibe: the Rocky underdog legacy continues

Out TODAY
Watch Netflix
The Trailer | 1 hr 58 mins | R | 🍅: 89%

(called out from top, left to right)

This week we're turning the Trailers! section into the Animation Station (trademark pending). In part because animated movies aren't "just for kids," no matter what the haters say. Plus, there happen to be a lot of trailers for animated movies this week.

I'll start you off with Disney's (not Pixar) Strange World, which even if it's not a Pixar movie, is taking some of that vibe from Up using the old time-y newsreel vibe.

Next we have Netflix's The Sea Beast, which I think is a bit of a double entendre. Because yes, the movie has "sea beasts," but I think it might also be referring to the adventurer who has dedicated his life to killing them.

Maybe the most unexpected, but most interesting?, is another Beavis and Butthead movie, 26 years after their first one. It's tied to all the original episodes, and new a two season order, beginning to air on Paramount + soon.

And while I don't normally feature third trailers, I'm being nice, because Minions: The Rise of Gru has been delayed a bunch because of "the bullshit."

Note: I'd already decided to do this when a few bigger trailers came in, so make sure to peep the first real look at The Rock's Black Adam, his inevitable superhero movie. There's also a second trailer for Brad Pitt's Bullet Train, which is very heavy on action and style, and stylish action.

What's In Theaters +

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