What's In Theaters +: Let Idris be your daddy.

Aug 17, 2022

"So we're just going to
ignore the bear then?"

PINNED: this newsletter started as a way to highlight movies coming to theaters (see: the name). Then, "the bullshit" happened. And I started featuring movies in theaters, VOD or streaming (see: the +). Point is, if there's a movie worth checking out, you'll probably find it here.

Remember () when I said we could potentially see captions becoming a bigger part of our media, due in part, to the increasing popularity of non-English movies / shows and the whole Stranger Things overly descriptive captions phenomenon?

Well yeah, I didn't expect it'd come this quickly, but I just read about this new movie Nude Tuesday - it's a New Zealand comedy where the script was written in English, but then everything spoken in the movie is from a made up language that is essentially gibberish.

Soooo how do you know what they're talking about? Well that was the job of the person writing the subtitles, e.g. Julia Davis, who before she started writing, had never read the original screenplay (there were two other people given passes as well). Essentially they just watched the movie and wrote what they saw happening. Three movies in one.

🤯

I mean, I guess it worked for Bad Lip Reading? 🤷‍♂️ And apparently it turned out all right as critics have given it some decent reviews. It doesn't have a US release date that I'm aware of, but when it does, I'll be sure and try and let you know. Had to tell you now because it was kind of uncanny timing. And while it's likely not influenced by the stuff I mentioned above, it maybe more gets at a trend of combining visuals and text. Hell, I remember when Paramount was looking to buy a movie waaaay back when and it showed text message bubbles on screen so people knew what people were typing. People at the studio weren't sure if it would throw people (I and other co-workers quite liked it), but now it's so commonplace to see texts on screen it's almost like they've always been there.

And while we wait for Nude Tuesday to come out I think I'm gonna take a cue from it and say whatever I truly feel in the moment, but just in a nonsense language. And when whomever I'm speaking with asks me what the hell I just said, I'll write down a more conventional response on a notepad. Should go over well. Wish me luuuuck!

Note: Bodies 3x (aka Bodies Bodies Bodies) is expanding even wider this week. Just in case you're you've been tryin' to holler, but couldn't.

Extra Credit Movies:

Spin Me Round - an off-kilter looking comedy starring Allison Brie (and co-starring Aubrey Plaza) that is also sort of a thriller? I actually think it looks fun, but reviews are just so-so. Only playing in limited theaters and streaming on AMC+ (who even has AMC+?) so no full feature, sorry. Playing in LIMITED THEATERS and streaming on AMC+ this Friday.

Look Both Ways - a young woman is pregnant ooooor she isn't, and you get to see how her life turns out in each scenario. Stars Lili Reinhart from Riverdale. Reviews say it's pretty saccharine (it looks it), and some are ripping it for not discussing abortion as an option. Streaming on Netflix this Friday.

BEAST

You know you did your job well when someone can say "It's basically X, but w/ Y." And Steven Spielberg did a very (very) good job with Jaws in 1975. Sure, it may have created a preternatural fear of the creatures that don't even like the taste of our weak flesh, and I would imagine has some responsibility for spawning the yearly overwhelming advertising blitz that is #SharkWeek, but god damn if it ain't an excellent movie.

Now, me saying the above strongly implies Beast is merely Jaws with a lion. And yeah, kinda. But it does seem to be trying its own thing as it looks to be a bit more claustrophobic and focused on the familial. I saw a mention of Taken in my reading and there's definitely a lot of that "dad saves the day" vibe. It certainly doesn't hurt when the zaddy, er, daddy... father, let's just go with father, in question is Idris Elba. If you're going to have your protector battle and indeed, punch a lion, you could do a lot worse.

There's also an aspect where the reason this fellow animal is so ravenous for human blood is because the collective "we" have been poaching in it's kingdom. Not nice. But it's also not very nice to try and rip someone's face off and replace it with a bleeding skull. 👁 4 👁 and all that.

But just remember if you do see it, it's only a movie and a lion in real life will actually be more scared of you than you will of it.

Pffffft. Lol. No it won't, it's a fucking lion.

Vibe: I am human, hear me... wait, did you hear that?

Out Friday
Watch In Theaters
The Trailer | 1 hr 33 mins | R| 🍅: 80% <-- caveat: only five Spanish language reviews

ORPHAN: FIRST KILL

This... is gonna be a weird one.

In 2009's horror flick Orphan, Isabelle Furhman, at age 11, played a murderous 33 year old posing as a 9 year old looking for a family. It is now the year 2022 and Furhamn has become a legit adult at age 25. Cool, so what, they decided to try and make sequel where they explain her aging poorly? Not exactly. "They" actually decided to make a prequel. Excuse me? Yes, they made a prequel, as in Furhman (reminder: 25 year old) plays a younger version of her 11 year old self, but still "really" a woman teetering on middle aged.

There has literally never been a better time to use the "um, excuse me?" blinky guy gif.

How? Why?! What?? All valid questions! And ones you imagine people like Julia Stiles, who plays the adoptive mother (apparently quite well!) would ask. But the explanations must've been good enough because reviews say while it's just as bizarre as you expect it to be, it's actually maybe not as bad as you imagined? But this assumes you let yourself fall in on "the joke" the filmmakers may (or very well may not) be telling. So yeah, I fully expected to be reading comments that excoriated the hell out of this (like the ones from the Tiptoes YouTube trailer comment section perhaps), and yet...

Who'd a thunk? Certainly not this 15 year old posing as a 41 year old, that's for damn sure.

Note: this "trapped in the body of a child" is a legit thing and there was actually an endearing looking "reality" series called I Am Shauna Rae that came out earlier this year. Follows a woman dealing with it. and it looks pretty affecting, as far as that kinda stuff goes.

Vibe: some real gonzo shit / you wanna yell at the screen with a group of people

Out   Friday
Watch  Limited Theaters / Paramount +
The Trailer | 1 hr 39 mins | R | 🍅: 67%

DRAGON BALL SUPER: SUPER HERO

Have you watched all of Dragon Ball Z, but haven't quite caught up on the original Dragon Ball that started it all? Get lost!

Are you chortling because you're OG and have seen both Dragon Ball and DBZ (twice!)... but secretly wincing because you just haven't quite had time for the newer series? Fuggadaboutit!!

Are you sitting there feeling all extra superior because you've watched all the DB series as well as every single movie and can recite all the forms of Goku, Gohan and Piccolo in less than 30 seconds? COOL, WHAT ABOUT THE MANGA BITCH!!!

I'm getting at two things here, that you probably need at least some foreknowledge of the popular anime to enjoy this movie, but you probably don't need all of the knowledge. In part because there is way too damn much of it. A rough estimate puts the exploits of those cheeky saiyans at nearly 300 hours of content (237 of which is the characters growling while they "charge up" in the middle of a battle - IYKYK). So anyway, if you watch Dragon Ball stuff, you already knew this was coming and didn't need me to tell you.

And on the other hand, if you read this entire overview and are super confused at why there are so many dragons and balls being spoken about in concert, don't worry, it's some real extra nerdy shit you're probably better off forgetting I even wrote about. But I'm glad you decided to come along for the ride. 🚙

Vibe: Super Saiyan Blue Evolved Goku meets Ultimate Gohan plus SSJ4 Gogeta with a side of what the fuck am I even talking about?

Out Friday
Watch In Theaters
The Trailer | 1 hr 40 mins | PG-13 | 🍅: 95%

(called out from top, left to right)

No tricks this week, just some straightforward trailer action!

The Greatest Beer Run Ever - not the comedy you probably think it is. Instead a based on a true story movie about a guy who tried to take beer and good vibes to his hometown neighbors, all the way in Vietnam (yes, during the war).

Sidney - an Oprah-produced doc on the acting icon.

Call Jane - a dramatized story about the real women who helped other women receive abortions when they were illegal (there was an HBO doc recently too). Sadly, quite timely.

End of the Road - Queen Latifah and Chris Bridges (aka Ludacris) are siblings who get caught up in some real bad shit.

God's Creatures - unsettling looking movie about a mother dealing with the actions of her son. Note: A24 flick

What's In Theaters +

What's In Theaters +: Let Idris be your daddy.

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