Come meet my new friend. 💀
What's that? Why are they carrying a scythe...?
THE QUOTE 🎬 💬
“Secondhand smoke kills.
hint: one of the few movies with an exclamation point in its title
THINK THOUGHTS 💭
Max, Once Known as HBO Max, Is Calling Itself HBO Max Again. Got It? - The New York Times
I mean, at least they had a sense of humor about it…
Why’d they do it?
“In the last few years in the so-called streaming wars, Netflix has taken a runaway lead over old-guard entertainment brands, drawing roughly 8 percent of all television time in March, according to Nielsen. Warner Bros. Discovery drew 1.5 percent”
“Warner Bros. Discovery executives also discovered over the last two years that much of Discovery’s content was not being watched. Original programs tended to do the best on the service, as did new Warner Bros. movies, licensed A24 films and documentaries. Some Discovery content, particularly from its ID cable network, did well, but everything else — food, lifestyle an”
In short, focus matters. And by focus, I mean HBO and the quality of shows they put out. Does this mean fewer streaming movies? Maybe!
Guess we’ll just have to wait and see.
I fucked up: I did a copy paste error which made it seem like Summer of 69 was on Netflix. It’s not, it’s on Hulu. Sorry to all you horny pervs out there!
NEWSY BITS 👾
Yes, ‘The Studio’ Really Did Recreate the Golden Globes from Scratch. Here’s How - the show about movies did a complicated thing. - IndieWire
Discount Wednesday: AMC Theatres to Dramatically Slash Movie Ticket Prices Beginning July 9 - Tuesday is already a discounted day in nearly all US theaters. - Hollywood Repoter
Amazon Hopes AI Gives ‘Pause Ads’ New Momentum - “Amazon intends to build the new commercials using A.I. that can understand immediately what kind of show or movie is being watched and what attributes pertain to any scene on screen. The technology creates a ‘contextual advertising experience that dynamically aligns the ad message with the content viewers are watching – creating a natural and relevant connection.’“ Another reason to watch stuff in theaters. At least there, most of the ads are trailers and before the movie, not during. - Variety
NOTABLE NEW RELEASE(S) 🎟 & 📺
Final Destination Bloodlines
“HOW ARE THE KILLS?!”
It’s a pretty fucking weird question to ask outside of, well, basically any scenario except when in reference to a horror movie franchise that’s been around for a quarter century.
In a morbid twist, it’s actually the good kills that keep these kinds of franchises alive. And while it wasn’t dead dead, the Final Destination franchise had been chillin’ in the ICU for a biiiiit too long for (studio head) comfort.
But they brought out the ol’ electro pads (scientific name) and shocked this shit back to life. Which means of course, more death.
Final Destinations have aways been known for their intricate or just plain goofy offings. And you can expect very good ones here, with reviews by far the best of the series. They definitely seem to take the Rube Goldberg-ness of it all up a level. Critics also say that you might even actually care about some of the people. Wild.
I do have to add that there was one actual death, not while shooting, but of an actor who’s been with the series for nearly every installment, Tony Todd, aka Candyman. Todd, whi plays the mortician in the series, passed away after shooting his scenes. Though in a nice send off, he was able to write his own theatrical goodbye.
Because indeed, death is coming for us all.
Out: Friday
Where: Movie Theaters
Details: 1 hr 50 mins | R | 🍅: 95%
Friendship
There’s been what feels like a notable increase in movies and shows where friendship is the core relationship of the story (vs a romantic one) over the past say, 5-10 years? It’s fun to see, because the focus is often on how that kind of relationship can be just as important and loving as one that involves doin the hibbity dibbity (editor’s note: he means sex).
This is not that kind of movie.
Sure, it’s titled Friendship, but you should expect that to be where the normal parts end. Because this movie stars Tim Robinson, and Robinson is not known for making “normal” comedy. It’s like "normal adjacent.” He’s not so far gone he’s in outer space talking to aliens or anything, but sometime’s it seems like he’s an alien on earth. Or maybe the reverse, he’s the only human and everyone else is the interloper.
Either way, on his show, “I Think You Should Leave,” things get cringy, and then they get cringier. He must be huge with those humans stuck with the moniker of “Gen Z.”
And that’s exactly what you should expect here. A cringefest, but one that apparently works quite well and never feels too much like a stitched together set of skits.
Honestly, I could just said the TL;DR description is this is a bonkers I Love You Man. Which also starred Paul Rudd, except he played the “aspiring friend” and here he plays the um “aspired to?” But this is Robinson’s show, er, movie, so you set your cringe meter accordingly.
Out: Friday
Where: Movie Theaters
Details: 1 hr 41 mins | R | 🍅: 91%
Hurry Up Tomorrow
There are few musicians that get to the level where they’re able to justify a feature length movie that’s not not essentially a very long music video. Michael Jackson did it with Moonwalker, Prince had Purple Rain, there was Interstella 5555 from Daft Punk and of course the OG masters, The Beatles, had multiple.
The Weeknd joins that crew with Hurry Up Tomorrow, a movie based on his album… Hurry Up Tomorrow. Clever.
Now, I’m not exactly sure why the guy is so excited to move one day closer to death, but maybe it’s because his current scenario is filled with anxiety around fame and the pressures that come from being one of the most popular pop stars on earth. Or it could be because he gets involved with characters that are played by Jenna Ortega who become a little too obsessed.
Oooor maybe it’s because he knew his movie would get trashed by reviews.
“Some older folks may have seen the standalone term “visual” used in place of “music video,” and wondered what the difference is. This is it. Hurry Up Tomorrow is not a movie, nor a music video. It is a visual.“
“The nearly plot-free movie is self-indulgent, overly serious, and, worst of all, just plain dull.“
“Hurry Up Tomorrow” bears all the signs of pop star hubris masquerading as artistic candor, despite game performances by Jenna Ortega and Barry Keogan to prop up the budding thespian.
I’m not trying to call it out per se, but whenever reviews are this harsh, it feels noteworthy.
Now, that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t see it, I just get to say I warned you if you hate it.
Out: Friday
Where: Movie Theaters
Details: 1 hr 45 mins | R | 🍅: 16%
EXTRA CREDIT MOVIE(S) 📝
N/A
THE WEEKLY TRAILER PLAYLIST ⏯
F1 - Brad Pitt go vroom vroom. And probably a lil’ boom boom too.
The Conjuring: Last Rites - more "based on a true story” horror that is actually based on bullhonky. Doesn’t mean the movies can’t be fun though!
The Old Guard 2 - Charlize Theron is immortal… no more?
Oh. What. Fun. - More Michelle Pfeiffer please.
Superman - it’s a long trailer, because there’s a lot going on here. There. In the trailer I mean. Just watch it damn it.
Nobody 2 - more suburban dad porn (not that kind).
Materialists - a voiceover in a trailer?! What is this, Tiptoes?? It’s very much not, luckily. It’s actually the next movie from Celine Song, who made Past Lives.