Goo and goobers. 🖤
Pray you make the right choice.
THE QUOTE 🎬 💬
“Eat shit and die, Ricky!
hint: the lesser known horror movie set at a kids camp
THINK THOUGHTS 💭
Not much for you here except to say I checked out the Japanese thriller / horror movie Cure this week, and it’s a more than worthy watch. If you partake, I strongly encourage you to give yourself time to let it sink in, but watch out, if you do, it might stick with you… ❌
NEWSY BITS 👾
Netflix Adds 5 Million Subscriptions in Quarter - bringing their total to 282.7 million subscribers. a whole lot more than any other streaming service - New York Times
A24’s ‘Heretic’ Will Make These Movie Theaters Smell Like Blueberry Pie During One Pivotal Scene - smell-o-vision is back 👃 - Variety
Tom Holland Circling Lead Role In Christopher Nolan’s Next Event Film At Universal - interesting because Holland hasn’t had much success outside of playing Spider-Man, and this is almost guaranteed success - Deadline
EXTRA CREDIT MOVIE(S) 📝
Your Monster - Melissa Barrera (lead in last two Scream movies) plays a woman who: gets cancer, gets dumped, gets screwed (on the musical she wrote with her dumper), and gets a new-old friend (in the form of a monster, Tommy Dewey, that lives in the closet her childhood home she moves back into). The reviews say it’s a charming semi-musical, with a weee bit too much going on story and tone-wise. Playing in Limited Theaters Friday
NOTABLE NEW RELEASE(S) 🎟 & 📺
Venom: The Last Dance
The first two Venom movies are odd little anti-cliches. Instead of being endeavors that work because their wholes are greater than the sum of their parts, they’re actually successful despite the fact that one part is greater than the rest of the parts summed. Need a second to think about that one? It’s cool, I can give you a moment.
……
With me? No? Not even close? Cool, aaaaand we’re moving on. See, it’s the relationship between Eddie Brock, played by Tom Hardy, and his oil slick looking pal, Venom, that has turned this franchise into a bit of a surprise hit. Surprise because they’re not considered “good” movies in the traditional sense, and also they’re in the Spider-Man universe, with no Spider-Man to be found1. Yet fans clearly don’t seem to give a shit about any of that and have responded extremely well to Hardy playing a sclub who bickers with an oozeball of a creature that can turn him into a superhero with insane powers, or simply disappear into his… where does Venom hide when he’s not absolutely decimating his partner’s personal space?
From reviews, it sounds like you’re not going to get anything different here. In fact, the duo’s back and forth might be the only thing you want to show up for. As the story finally succumbs to the very cliche “save the world” stuff, spurred by a new big bad who sends his bug-like minions to Earth to find, and *gulp* kill Venom.
I’d put it this way — did you see and enjoy either of the first two Venom movies? You might want watch this. Still trying to figure out if Venom is just remnants of the Exxon Valdize spill? Might be worth looking into other options this weekend.
Out: Thursday
Where: Theaters
Details: 1 hr 49 mins | PG-13 | 🍅: 39%
Conclave
What’s more ridiculous, a group kids arguing over who gets to be “Patrick Mahomes” during recess football, or a meeting of grown men where they don silly hats, heavily adorned robes and lock themselves in a room for days so they determine which of them is the next member to ride around in a little white car.
One might think the comparison woefully unfair, crude even, and yet, even if you’re a believer, you have to admit a conclave to choose a new pope is bound to have all the trappings of any human interaction. Meaning it’ll be rife with ambition, ego, suspicion, and even subterfuge. All stuff that would make for a really good movie…
Which is exactly what we seem to have here. A sumptuous looking, and what critics are calling, quite pulpy story of an event that a tiny fraction of humans have ever participated in. Which makes it an even more interesting subject for director Edward Berger, who is coming off an Oscar win for his modern take on All Quiet on the Western Front.
While there’s a group of brospehs involved, Ralph Fiennes sits at the center as the main cardinal acting as arbiter of the process, right at a time when he’s questioning whether he even believes in the process at all. More good movie fodder!
The reviews are pretty darn fantastic, and though the movie is sure to fail the Bechdel test, you might forgive that fact based on the context (but I would argue you shouldn’t forgive the people who created that context).
So unless you live in Vatican City, where I doubt they’ll be booking any showings, you might want to consider this sure to be nominated rendition of “Catholic cardinals — they’re just like us! Except even more power hungry” for some weekend viewing.
Out: Friday
Where: Theaters
Details: 2 hrs 0 mins | PG | 🍅: 93%
THE WEEKLY TRAILER PLAYLIST ⏯
Love Hurts - before Ke Huy Quan won his Oscar for Everything Everywhere All at Once, he spent the previous 19 years of his time in Hollywood as a stunt choreographer. And while he did do some dope stunts in EEAO, in Love Hurts he gets to do a whole lot more of them as he leads a legit action movie. Pretty cool.
The Brutalist - say hi to the next looooong (3 hr 35 min, with a 15 min intermission, long) ass movie that critics absolutely love, some comparing it to There Will Be Blood. Will it be enough to push it through to mainstream audiences a la Oppenheimer? Probably not, but hey, it’ll still get nominated for a Best Picture Oscar. And generate a bunch of other awards discussion too, so that’s fun.
The Electric State - I understand this is based on a graphic novel (though apparently only really in aesthetic inspiration?). And that it stars big names in Millie Bobby Brown and Chris Pratt (with one hell of a stache straight out of a Movember promo). And that it was directed by the Russo Bros. who made Avengers: Infinity War / End Game. And yet, I’m still all, da fuq is dis shit?
Wolf Man - man turns into a wolf… man. And his wife and daughter have to escape him.
Hot Frost- Netflix does not give a fuck. Because if they did give a fuck, they probably wouldn’t make a movie about a hot snowman that turns into a hot human that accidentally flashes grandmas. Or feature one of their other recent Xmas flicks, which stars Lindsey Lohan, in this Xmas flick, which stars Lacey Chabert, where Chabert calls out that she and Lohan were in Mean Girls together.
even if he got pretty close once