Love is in the hair.
That's how the saying goes, right?
THE QUOTE đŹ đŹ
âWe are from the planet Duplo, and we're here to destroy you.â
hint: cutest sounding threat that I ever did hear.
THINK THOUGHTS đ
A friend who reads this newsletter said last week, âIâm surprised you featured Dog Man.â
And now, Iâd like to think itâs because they think I am more mature than the 8 year olds the movie is targeted too. But I know that they know that thatâs not the case.
So why did I feature it? Because I wanna see it? I mean, Iâll watch any movie, but not the driving force here.
See, I feel like the what and the why of the movies I feature can sometimes be a bit misunderstood. So, to clarify for any new readers, or old readers⊠*ahem* I mean readers that have been reading for a while, my goal is to let you know of any and all notable movies coming out each week. âGoodâ or âbad.â
Now, does that mean I feature li-tuh-rally every movie? Ya no. There are plenty of super schlocky ones I leave for you to discover at 2am on some VOD binge you go on.
But everything else Iâm trying to present so you can make that (slightly more informed) decision on your own. Sometimes I do miss movies (see below), but for the most part, everything coming out in a weekend is in this newsletter.
Btw, super glad I did feature Dog Man, because that shit was a god damn hit. I played no part in that of course, but I still want to make sure Iâm featuring the #1 movie in the country.
So I hope that helps. But if youâre ever curious for more detail / explanation, feel free to hit reply and weâll talk it out like normal people. Over email.
NEWSY BITS đŸ
âEmilia PĂ©rezâ and the New Era of Online Oscar Scandals - if you havenât heard, Emilia PĂ©rezâs star Karla SofĂa GascĂłn had some old tweets pop up that have caused a kerfuffle. In short, they were at best someone (very poorly) expressing a thought , and at worst, quite racist. This article digs into how these kinds of events are transpiring in the âdigital world.â In part, the fact that stuff like this can be brought back up, but also how GascĂłn is continuing to voice her opinions on the backlash (itâs not going well). And fwiw, this will definitely affect the Oscars race as Emilia PĂ©rez is the most nominated movie of the year. - The New York Times
EXTRA CREDIT MOVIE(S) đ
Youâre Cordially Invited - I missed another streaming release. I blame Rotten Tomatoes for being a terrible aggregator. đ This time itâs the Will Ferrell and Reese Witherspoon (romantic?) comedy about two weddings booked at the same place on the same day. The reviews say itâs⊠fine? Meh even. Ferrell and Witherspoon are always gonna be solid, but that doesnât mean theyâre always going to be spitting great jokes. And since Iâm delayed, you can also see the audience take on Rotten Tomatoes and itâs actually worse. More like a meh-minus. Streaming on Amazon Prime Now
Kinda Pregnant - Amy Schumer doesnât need to prove herself. Sheâs done lots of funny stuff. Which is key to remember as you read reviews for Kinda Pregnant as they are, well, pretty damn bad. They say the story about a woman who fakes being pregnant in a moment of crisis just falls super flat. Like the top of a newborn baby head flat. And probably just as mushy in its joke delivery based on the response. Streaming on Netflix Now
NOTABLE NEW RELEASE(S) đ & đș
Love Hurts
The story isnât the movie here. I mean, the movie has a story, itâs just that the first thing people will be talking about wonât be that.
Itâll be Ke Huy Quan.
You know, âDataâ from The Goonies, âShortroundâ from The Temple of Doom and more recently, the most adorable Academy Award winner ever.
See, Huy Quan only recently got back into acting after a nearly 20 year hiatus, during which he spent time as a stunt coordinator / assistant director (he said he was being typecast much too often). He credits Crazy Rich Asians with inspiring him to get back into it and damn, pretty sure everyoneâs glad he did. Dude just has such a positive energy about him.
But even after all that, when he was offered the role in Love Hurts, he turned it down. Not because he was too old or didnât want to do it. But because he thought a movie like this was for someone that looked like Jason Statham. But 87North (the same studio behind the John Wick franchise and other heavily choreographed action movies) offered it again. And Huy Quan, turned it down, again. Then he met with his pal Steven Spielberg, who produced and directed Huy Quanâs early movies, and Spielberg encouraged him to do it.
So here we are. And what weâve got is another kick-ass ass-kicking movie where a retired assassin (who now sells homes) has to come back to help save his friend.
And who knows, in the meantime, his positive attitude might just save us all in the process.
Out: Friday
Where: Theaters
Details: 1 hr 23 mins | R | đ : TBD
Heart Eyes
What do you get when you combine a rom-com and a slasher movie?
Umm, meet-cutes in one scene đ and holes in skulls đ in another. đ€·
Doesnât sound like itâd work, and yet⊠it really seems like it does. Guess the filmmakers didnât try and get overly cheeky here, they just setup a fun lilâ premiseâkiller offs couples on Valentineâs, two co-workers get stuck working together on VDay, killer mistakes them for a couple, mayhem and dead bodies ensueâand then had some solid actors waiting for their moment (Mason Gooding from the last couple Scream movies and Olilvia Holt from Totally Killer) do the damn thing.
So simple, and yet itâs obviously not. Because otherwise weâd have 50 versions of this movie already. And we actually probably do. Way more in fact. Itâs just that theyâre usually two separate movies.
So thatâs probably part of the fun here. Getting to enjoy two movies in one, even though itâs still only 97 minutes.
Which is just enough time build up the courage to ask your date for a kiss. Or if theyâre a serial killer.
Out: Friday
Where: Theaters
Details: 1 hr 37 mins | R | đ : 90%
THE WEEKLY TRAILER PLAYLIST âŻ
The Fantastic Four: First Steps - itâs like, super retro. And Iâm digging it. Giving off WandaVision vibes in its visual departure from the normal MCU fare.
Jurassic World Rebirth - I mean, not sure whatâs being rebirthed considering the last JW movie only came out three years ago. Maybe piles of cash? But yeah, more dinos baby. Except this time itâs Scarlett Johansson, Mahershala Ali and Jonathan Bailey (from Wicked) taking over the running and screaming from Chris Pratt and Bryce Dallas Howard.
Hurry Up Tomorrow - itâs the name of The Weekendâs new album, but itâs also the name of Abel Tesfayeâs new movie. Fun fact: Abel Tesfaye is The Weekend.
Final Destination - we all gonâ die. Might as well have fun with it?
M3GAN 2.0 - theyâre just really laying into the whole bit.