Merry SeXmas 🎄 💦
Don't blame me, you're the one who subscribed to this thing.
THE QUOTE 🎬 💬
“I don’t bite, you know… unless it’s called for.”
hint: a cheeky little bit of flirting for 1960’s cinema
THINK THOUGHTS 💭
What better time to deal with the world’s repressed sexual tendencies than on… Jesus’ birthday? I mean sure, let’s get weird. Although, not technically his birthday, but a celebration of… capitalism under the guise of religious devotion? Jk. That’s a whole different discussion.
No, this year in your holiday moviegoing adventures you’ll have the choice of sitting in a dark room with your family, hearing them shift awkwardly as you all watch Nicole Kidman have fake fake orgasms, some fake real orgasms, and who knows, maybe even some real real orgasms as she role-plays a woman exploring her BDSM proclivity with a much younger man. But if she did have some of the latter, she’d never be able to admit it in public discourse, because that would be pure *grasps cheeks, mouth agape Home Alone style* scandal.
But if that’s not uncomfortable enough, how about watching a woman choose an actual living fucking nightmare over her genial husband, because the nightmare taps into her deepest desires in a way her hubby never could, in Nosferatu. Expect blood play. 🫣
Ok fine, there are a couple options out there for the pearl-clutchers amongst us. Some pretty good ones in fact.
And because I’m already abdicating too many of my familial duties on this day by hacking away on my MacBook, I’m going to give myself the gift of some time back and share a line or two about each movie, then use reviews to convey the finer points of each release rather than doing… whatever it is the hell that I normally do.
And btw, I hope you’re enjoying / have enjoyed the day. Truly. And can now use this email as a prompt to explain what, exactly, the hell BDSM stands for to your more puritanical kin. Again, truly.
As always, thanks for reading y’all. ❤️
Quick note: if you’re in NY or LA and have been seeing some limited releases pop up (e.g. Nickel Boys, Better Man, Last Showgirl) and wondering why I haven’t featured ‘em yet, it’s likely because they’re getting a wider release in January and I want to wait until everyone can enjoy. So trust, I shall give ‘em the ol’ what for in due time.
NEWSY BITS 👾
‘We Can Bury Anyone’: Inside a Hollywood Smear Machine - this digs into the extremely layered, and yet bafflingly banal situation between former co-stars Justin Baldoni and Blake Lively, who made (the now ironically titled) It Ends With Us together, which was released earlier this year. This is a situation I kept saying I was going to write more about when it first started happening, but this is another twist. Including the fact Lively has now sued Baldoni for harassment. More to come. - New York Times
EXTRA CREDIT MOVIE(S) 📝
Nada!
NOTABLE NEW RELEASE(S) 🎟 & 📺
Babygirl
I already talked about this one a bunch in the intro, so like, go read that ya lazy bones. But I get it, we’re all lounging and scrolling is haaaard, so I’ll say again - this centers on a woman (Nicole Kidman) who’s a powerful CEO that becomes a “sub” to her “dom” intern. People are saying it’s supes hawt. Ya know, if you’re a freak like that. But more importantly, that it doesn’t do bullshit moralizing around people’s sexual preferences. Yay!
“Crucially Reijn’s script retains a sense of humour, careful to illustrate that good sex isn’t just about orgasms and fantasy fulfilment – it’s about pleasure. The degree of awkwardness that Romy and Samuel experience while testing the boundaries of their relationship illustrates the complexities of BDSM and the need for clear communication as well as acceptance of the fact that yes, sometimes it’s kind of weird…
…It’s the sort of intelligent, elegant adult filmmaking that is frequently lacking in modern cinema, approaching a complex theme not only with nuance and empathy but refreshing candour, all while being genuinely erotic and stylish.“ - from the Little White Lies review of Babygirl
and
“this perversely funny and absorbing new film explores the pleasure gap between men and women, and how our inability to talk about sex limits our ability to just do it…
…refreshingly, there are no lessons learned here other than that men and women should probably try talking to each other more about their furtive desires in life and in bed.“ - from the IndieWire review of Babygirl
Out: Today
Where: Theaters
Details: 1 hr 48 mins | R | 🍅: 77%
A Complete Unknown
The Bob Dylan biopic that boomer dad’s are stoked about and post-earnest-ness Millenials and Gen-Z’ers will likely only watch “ironically.” And I get it, the first time I saw Timothée Chalamet doll out a few lines as Dylan, it felt a bit, caricature-y. But if you’re worried it’s just going to be terrible pastiche, don’t. One because worrying won’t get you anywhere, and two, because apparently Chalamet does an exceptional job of channeling the enigmatic singer songwriter. The rest of the movie? Weeeell, it may be a bit rote. So maybe worry an eensy teensy bit.
“it doesn’t try to make Bob palatable, nice or, finally, comprehensible in the usual dreary biopic fashion. For the most part, his genius remains unknowable as does his back story, which is hinted at only in a nod to the surname Zimmerman and a glimpse of a scrapbook. Bob may be a Jesus or a Judas (or both). As this movie underscores, he is very much a beautiful dissimulation, and sometimes there is nothing more authentic than an entertaining con.“ - from the New York Times review of A Complete Unknown
Out: Today
Where: Theaters
Details: 2 hrs 21 mins | R | 🍅: 79%
A Fire Inside
The most universally liked movie coming out today. Which is honestly saying quite a lot, considering the company. And yet it’s going to look like the most traditional in many ways - sports movie about an underdog winning the big fight / match / game etc. etc. And you will get that, but you’ll also get much more. Because in this case, the winning of the fight isn’t the end, it’s just the beginning of another fight.
“At first you might be tricked into thinking it’s a standard-issue inspirational sports movie, the young athlete with a rough background beating the odds and coming out on top. But “The Fire Inside” has a little more going on under the hood than your average sports movie. For one, it has Brian Tyree Henry, one of the greatest actors working today…
…So the question the film presents is this: What if you win, and it seems like it doesn’t matter? What if the world doesn’t value your kind of winning?“ - from the New York Times review of A Fire Inside
Out: Today
Where: Theaters
Details: 1 hr 49 mins | PG-13 | 🍅: 95%
Nosferatu
Director David Egger’s (The Witch, The Lighthouse, The Northman) remake of the famed and silent 1922 not Dracula, but Dracula adaptation (it was unauthorized). Except Eggers movie isn’t quite a remake, but another expression of the same story. This time you can expect loads of repressed sexuality unleashed in manners totally unholy. Which, again, if you’re that kind of freak, might be exactly the kind of thing you’re looking for.
“Eggers doesn’t want us to see in the darkness, he wants us to see the darkness itself. To recognize it not as the absence of light, but rather as a feral and undying force all its own — one that we carry within ourselves like a secret corseted in virtue…
…Modern in its perspective yet fetishistically accurate to its time, Eggers’ horny-as-hell but highly repressed “Nosferatu” is nothing if not the version of this story you would expect him to make. Like “The Witch” before it, the film renders sin with a puritanical sense of mortal danger...
…Like any great fairy tale, “Nosferatu” demands a certain degree of surrender. Like too few of the films adapted from them, it earns that surrender with the strength of its craft.“ - from the IndieWire review of Nosferatu
Out: Today
Where: Theaters
Details: 2 hrs 13 mins | R | 🍅: 86%
THE WEEKLY TRAILER PLAYLIST ⏯
Superman - this is the actual teaser trailer for the new James Gunn (director of the Guardians of the Galaxy trilogy) Superman movie. Unlike the tease for the teaser I shared last week. But based on the fact it already has 45 million views, decent chance you’ve seen this already. But juuuuust in case.
Happy Gilmore 2 - this makes two thus far, Shooter.
Anaconda - “It’s gonna be a big fucking snake and it’s gonna rip!” - Anaconda star Jack Black as he extolls the virtues of the upcoming remake(??) of the sleazy Jennifer Lopez B-movie he’s doing with Paul Rudd.