No need to explain.

Because sometimes, knowledge isn't power, it's a spoiler.

THE QUOTE 🎬 💬

“And, you know, there's something very important that we need to do as soon as possible.

What’s that?

Fuck.”

hint: from the last movie of one of the “all time greats”

THINK THOUGHTS 💭

In today’s edition, I talk to you less and myself more. Because some things are self-explanatory, and others probably shouldn’t be explained much at all.

It’s almost as if you didn’t need to read this edition at all.

But where’s the fun in that?

NEWSY BITS 👾

Sundance Made Park City the It Town. Not Anymore. - well, “yes anymore,” until 2027, when the film festival will move to either: Salt Lake City (with a small presence in Park City), Boulder, CO or… Cincinnati, OH?? I mean damn, talk about making a change. Fwiw, I’ve been to Sundance and Park City was quite a lovely place for a film festival. I’d be sad for it to move, if only for the chance to repeat my experience. - The New York Times

Billy Crystal and Meg Ryan Recreate ‘When Harry Met Sally’ Fake Orgasm Scene for Hellmann’s Super Bowl Ad With Sydney Sweeney - not noteworthy in and of itself, more just an example of how the whole “play the character from the media property, but don’t get the rights to the property” thing is so damn popular. Another. - Variety

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EXTRA CREDIT MOVIE(S) 📝

Love Me - it’s almost if Wall-E and Eve’s love story got a grown up version. But in this case, instead of a murder robot and a trash hauled, we have a buoy and a satellite who start communicating over billions of years and start to take on human personas, even if humans no longer exist as a species. The reviews say it’s an admirable concept of exploring what it is to be human. But that for many, it becomes tedious, even if stars Kristen Stewart and Steven Yeun do well with the conceit. Playing in Limited Theaters Friday

Green and Gold - I am morally required to feature this movie since it’s not only set in Wisconsin (where I grew up), but its plot is directly tied to the Green Bay Packers (the team I pour far too much of my non-existent soul into for three months each year). The reviews don’t really exist outside of a few saying it’s cliche, if competently made. Playing in Limited Theaters Friday

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NOTABLE NEW RELEASE(S) 🎟 & 📺

Companion

You presumably read this newsletter in order to learn something about movies coming out. And yet, the cinematic (or home) experience is often more enjoyable when you you have no or very few preconceptions or spoilers. But if you don’t know anything about a movie about, how do you decide what to watch?

Bit of a pickle, in’t!

See, every review (almost all of which are very positive) for Companion basically says, “don’t go in knowing anything,” and then proceeds to tell you “everything.”

So I’m gonna do the thing where I say very little, beyond all of what I said above, and just suggest you go see it.

I’m not saying it’ll be YOUR FAVORITE MOVIE EVER (though I’m not not saying that). What I am saying, is if you enjoy movies that are of the horror variety, with a bit of commentary overlaid, you will likely enjoy yourself.

One thing I will add is that it was produced, but not directed, by the people behind Barbarian. And I say that because it might help slightly with expectation setting - mainly to let you know to expect what you don’t expect.

Out: Friday

Where: Theaters

Details: 1 hr 37 mins | R | 🍅: 94%

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Dog Man

I mean, what else do you want me to tell you, it’s Dog Man.

It’s not that I need to withhold information from you, just that everything you require to make a decisions can can be known from reading the title and looking at the image. I guess I could tell you it’s not some (impossibly timed) fast-tracked sequel-prequel to the recent Wolf Man, and that it is a spin-off of the Captain Underpants movie.

But I’m honestly not sure what that gets you. It’s still an animated movie where a dog’s head is attached to a human body.

That doesn’t mean it’s stupid, or even bad. It just means it’s simple and straightforward. And for its intended audience, the kiddos, that’s probably a good thing.

So if you have them (read: said kiddos), they’re probably already begging you to see the movie so you never read this in the first place. And if you’re an adult, you probably stopped reading this after you read the first two paragraphs.

So what am I even doing if not talking to myself…

“hey self”

“sup self!”

“you good self?”

“not bad self, thanks for asking. maybe a little tired. you?”

“same, same. thanks for asking self.”

“well self, we should probably wrap this up.”

“agreed self.”

“bye self!”

“later self!”

……

“you’re still here self?”

“could say the same for you self.”

“right. I guess it’s because we’re both the same self? *shrug*”

“hmmm, good point self.”

“we should probably stop talking self, otherwise we might go insane.”

“go….?”

“good point self.”

Out: Friday

Where: Theaters

Details: 1 hr 29 mins | PG | 🍅: 73%

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THE WEEKLY TRAILER PLAYLIST ⏯

Sinners - second trailer finally shows that Ryan Coogler (Black Panther, Creed) made an early 1900’s vampire movie. A super vibey one, that I’m sure will be laced with commentary, but also, a vampire movie. Dat’s cool.

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Magazine Dreams - two things: 1) he’s not (entirely) naked and 2) this is the Jonathan Majors movie that got “shelved” when he was first accused (later convicted) of assault

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Riff Raff - not a documentary of the rapper.

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