Paramount: The Sequel
This time it's (not at all) personal.
THE QUOTE đŹ đŹ
âA cake, Frahnk, is made of flour and water.
My first car didnât cost twelve hundred dollars.
Welcome to the 90âs Mr. Baaahnks.â
hint: not the first pairing of this âOnly Murders in the Buildingâ duo
THINK THOUGHTS đ
Three Offers in One Month: Paramountâs Secret Pursuit of Warner Bros. Discovery - The New York Times
Seems my former employer is back in the news. Except this time instead of getting bought, itâs all about who theyâre trying to buy.
Itâs a hell of a sequel in the saga of the media company who for so long was languishing.
But new Paramount isnât really even the same as the old Paramount. Although, to be fair, old Paramount wasnât even the old Paramount. It was Viacom, and before that it was Gulf + Western and before that and before thatâŠ. Media companies love buying other media companies. Itâs not even close to original - which, honestly, tracks for Hollywood.
But the news Paramount is trying to buy Warner Bros. definitely has people skittish (again). Because people (read: creative people) like options, or they say they do, and thereâs worry fewer options means⊠fewer types of movies I guess? Though Iâm not actually sure we can blame the number of studios on that, considering itâs likely more to blame with overall changes in media and just how the world exists now.
âA takeover of Warner Bros. Discovery by Paramount would be a tectonic shift for the media industry. It would combine two of the largest Hollywood studios, Warner Bros. and Paramount, granting huge clout at the box office and putting CNN and CBS News under the same corporate umbrella, which would give the new company enormous sway over the news industry. It would combine Paramount+ and HBO Max, two of the biggest streaming services, bringing the companyâs movies and shows into hundreds of millions of living rooms.â
We actually do have more options now, itâs just that itâs with ways to spend our time. There are movies, shows, podcasts, books, audiobooks, video games, âthe algorithms,â magazines, newspapers (kinda), and so on.
Which makes sense why âbigâ movies have become the thing. People need to be jolted into paying attention. Itâs not new. Itâs just that the competition used to be within the medium itself, now itâs more about âhow (and where) do I want to spend my time?â
Now, Iâm not advocating for a merger, I think Warner Bros. has created some really interesting movies recently, especially this year with Sinners and One Battle After Another and itâs an open question on whether those get made in a Paramount + WB situation. But maybe they do?? Maybe risk and failure is easier to handle when you can afford a costly stinker.
I guess this point is, I think itâs important to try and understand, or at least consider, why this happens vs defaulting to the much too simple answer of âbecause rich, greedy people.â Which, to be fair, might be a part of the calculation, but I think there are just too many other factors at play.
NEWSY BITS đŸ
KPop Demon Hunters Sing-Along Returns to Theaters for Halloween - back so soon? - Netflix
Netflix Will Screen Noah Baumbachâs âJay Kellyâ in 35mm in Historic Movie Palaces Around the World - Iâm noticing a trend - Variety
Netflixâs âStranger Thingsâ Series Finale Officially Coming to Theaters, Despite Previous Statements - the trend even reaches all the way to their shows! (though Stranger Things has always felt more like one big movie anyway. - Hollywood Reporter
Netflix Developing âCatanâ TV Series and Films Based on Hit Board Game - The Studio was spot on. - The Hollywood Reporter
NOTABLE NEW RELEASE(S) đ & đș
Springsteen: Deliver Me From Nowhere
Hey you! Do youz luv The Bawss? Yah, you know. THE BAWSS. The greatest to evah hold a gitar. Then youz bettah git yer ass to a theater, capeesh?
Apologies to anyone from Jersey, since I donât know if that was more Philly than Jersey, but the point stands, if you love New Jersey native Bruce Sprinsteen then you should probably see this âmoment in timeâ biopic.
Everyone else? I mean yeah, Jeremy Allan White from The Bear is apparently excellent inhabiting Springsteen as he struggles to make his most personal record, but it might be a bit âwhat for?â if youâre not a Nebraska album aficionado.
Naâmean?
Out: Friday
Where: Movie Theaters
Details: 2 hrs 0 mins | PG-13 | đ : 66%
Regretting You
Author Colleen Hoover is kind of the new Nicholas Sparks. That is less a direct comparison on their books and or quality of them, but the fact Hooverâs novels have been *ahem* sucked up by studios and turned into dramatic theatrical events as fast as Sparks seem to have been during his day of hey. Even before Regretting You is released a trailer for her next movie, Reminders of Him just dropped (see below).
And while It Ends With Us, Hooverâs first book turned movie was successful at bringing the dramaâmaybe too goodâit follows that one might hope the next effort would follow a similar pattern. Paramount even hired the director of The Fault in Our Stars, a massive movie for a similar teen audience a few years back, in hopes of turning this into another phenomenon. While it should make some money, it doesnât seem itâll cause as much of a hullabaloo as either Fault or It Ends With Us.
Well, except for that part where a 40 year old plays a 17 year old.
Out: Friday
Where: Movie Theaters
Details: 1 hr 57 mins | PG-13 | đ : 29%
A House of Dynamite
They probably shouldâve called this movie Tick, Tick... Boom! But unfortunately fortunately for director Kathryn Bigelow and crew, that name was already taken.
And I wouldâve advocated for Boom Goes the Dynamite, except Iâm not sure it could live up to that phraseâs amazing legacy. Honestly, nothing could. So here instead we have a âhouse,â with âdynamite.â The house is basically our world, the earth, and the dynamite is nuclear weapons. Of course one can understand why itâs not ideal to have your home filled with explosives, and yet thatâs what we as humans have chosen to do. Fill it to the god damn brim.
And Bigelowâs first movie in 8 years is about what happens when you âlight the fuseâ of one stick of this metaphorical dynamite, as it follows the US government as they deal with a nuclear launch in real time, told from multiple perspectives. It sounds terrifying in the sense that itâs actually possible. Because sure, Jason Vorhees is scary, but heâs only an idea who will make you run up the stairs faster after turning out the lights, whereas we (the US) literally have nukes pointed at other countries and them at us.
But since itâs (multi-state nuclear war) hasnât happened yet, it may feel as implausible as Jason hurling you against a tree while you slumber in your sleeping bag.
But if you watch House of Dynamite, thereâs a damn good chance might you feel differently.
Out: Friday
Where: Netflix
Details: 1 hr 52 mins | R | đ : 84%
Blue Moon
Richard Linklater feels like a quintessential filmmaker. He just seems to make whatever movie seems to interest him at the time, from meandering âhang moviesâ (Dazed and Confused, Everybody Wants Some!!) to romantic interludes (Before series) or even black comedy rom-coms (see: Hit Man). And this time heâs keen on focusing his lens on famed musical lyricist Lorenz Hart (The Lady Is a Tramp, My Funny Valentine and yes, Blue Moon), over the course of one night where Hart will dissect why his life has gone the direction it has.
If it sounds like a âsmallâ movie, it is. I think literally set in one location. A bar. But when you get to spend cloistered time with interesting people, talking about compelling notions, played by excellent actors (like Ethan Hawke who plays Hart, as well as Margaret Qualley, Andrew Scott and Bobby Cannavale), the world youâre in can start to feel much bigger than even the confines of an epic star drama.
Out: Friday
Where: Movie Theaters
Details: 1 hr 40 mins | R | đ : 93%
Shelby Oaks
That shit looks spooky right? Non-human looking eyes set deep in the head of disheveled human looking body thatâs traipsing through a dark dank cavern. Itâs creepy shit!
But a scary image is just that whereas a horror movie has to sustain roughly 90 minutes of connected tension to keep you on the verge of pooping yourself.
Shelby Oaks turned into a bit of thing for first time filmmaker and YouTuber Chris Stuckman when it played at film festivals. People seemed to enjoy its found footage-ness and story of a woman looking for her paranormal investigating sister. And thus it was turned into a full theatrical release thanks to NEON with all the âpresentsâ that gives it. But critics are harsh, well, critics, so itâs not getting quite the love here, as reviews say it doesnât have enough of its own presence, yanking elements from other horror movies and stacking them together. But enough who say itâs a heck of a first effort.
So while you may get close to that fecal disaster if you were to watch, youâre probably fine to hold off on diapers.
Out: Friday
Where: Movie Theaters
Details: 1 hr 39 mins | R | đ : 68%
EXTRA CREDIT MOVIE(S) đ
Queens of the Dead - drag zombie comedy. Honestly, this shouldâve been done sooner. The reviews are just lovely and it looks delightful. Playing in Limited Theaters Friday
In Our Blood - a fake documentary about a young womanâs search for her drug addicted mother where things keep getting weirder. And weirder. The reviews are limited, but people seem to like this found footage horror trip. Playing in Limited Theaters Friday
The Hand that Rocks the Cradle - Maika Monroe plays the Rebecca De Mornay character from the 90âs original and Mary Elizabeth Winstead the new mother. And while I love Monroe forever and ever from It Follows, and Winstead rules generally, this isnât going to be capturing the zeitgeist like the original. In part because reviews say even with some solid acting turns from Monroe and Winstead, the movie isnât likely to make you that uncomfortable. Streaming On Hulu Now
The Mastermind - last week I forgot to highlight this quirky looking heist film from Kelly Reichardt, who also made First Cow, Certain Women and a bunch more well liked movies over the years (by critics at least). The reviews are excellent, but itâs definitely a specific looking movie with a slow, contemplative pace where the focus is on characters, not action. But if you vibe, itâs probably gonna be a great night. Playing in Limited Theaters Now
The Twits - another orphan from last week. The Twits was always one of my favorite Roald Dahl books growing up, mostly because theyâre just ridiculous. The reviews say the couple are just as despicable as they should be, but that it doesnât live up to Dahlâs wit and sharp humor which made ultimately made the book interesting. Streaming on Netflix Now
THE TRAILERS âŻ
Primate - someone watched NOPE and was like, âso I have an someone elseâs ideaâŠâ
Reminders of Him - more drama from Ms. Hoover.
Being Eddie - a doc on the funny one with the funny laugh.
Jingle Bell Heist - Jingle Bells, Batman smells, Robin laid an egg, the Batmobile lost a wheel and Netflix doesnât give a fuck what month it is they will inundate you with Christmas cheer whenever they damn well please. Oh, and the Joker got away, hey!
Ella McCay - the first film from writer/director James L. Brooks in 15 years. He keeps himself busy with The Simpsons it seems though (a show he co-developed).
My Secret Santa - at some point the Christmas / holiday puns will run out. This is not that point.