Ready to twist some plots?
Honestly, I'd rather twist some pretzels. Yum! 🥨
In This Week’s Edition: Charlie Kaufman made a kid’s movie | Matthew Vaughn does spy vs spy (vs spy vs spy)
Movie Quote of the Week 🎬 💬
“I asked you to bring tights.
hint: the couple in this movie became a real life couple
THINK THOUGHTS 💭
Wasn’t planning on writing much here this week, but I did want to add an addendum to last week’s I guess you could call it “investigation” into the whole Barbie Oscar nomination situation. Commence addendum in 3,2,1…
So in response to the chorus of people bemoaning the lack of nods for Barbie star Margot Robbie and director Greta Gerwig there was born another set of people pointing out that neither lead actor Greta Lee nor director Celine Song of the also nominated for Best Picture Past Lives were added to their respective categories by Academy voters either. And where was the outcry for that travesty?
Why didn’t I bring that up too? Well, because that Barbie diatribe was too damn long for starters. But honestly, there was also just less initial discussion about the Past Lives stuff, in part because it was a reaction to a reaction. And yet (and yet!), of those bringing it up, the level of frustration was likely just as high as those mentioning Barbie. Because many, rightfully so imho, thought Past Lives was one of the best movies from last year. And that Lee and Song deserved tons of praise for their work and not mentioning them while mentioning Gerwig / Robbie, was kinda shitty - and maybe an example of some of the issues they had with what some people said was Barbie’s “white feminism.”
You guessed it, another correct feeling!
It’s a reflection of how some people think the world doesn’t pay enough attention to non-white actors / filmmakers. The “truth” of that matter is obviously incredibly complex and essentially impossible to define, but what’s very easy to see is lots of people (still) feeling it’s the case.
It’d be fair for one to be getting exhausted with all this talk about feelings. I’m sure you get it, people care, people think others are wrong. Move on maaaan.
And I am, and will. As I said last week, I just want to keep trying to push towards a place where we’re thinking more about why people have the opinion vs the opinion itself. Because the motivations of opinions, to me at least, are quite interesting, whereas the opinion itself, as The Dude so eloquently stated…
NEWSY MEDIA BITS 👾
Hulu is cracking down on password sharing, just like Disney Plus and Netflix (Full Article): you must “comply” by March 14th - The Verge
Byron Allen Makes $30 Billion Bid For Paramount Global In Debt & Equity (Full Article): seems it’s not a matter of if, but a matter of who, buys Paramount Global - formerly known as ViacomCBS, which owns Paramount Pictures, CBS, Paramount +, MTV, BET and more - this year. Allen is another entrant after David Ellison, head of the production company Skydance, already started looking into buying the media company - Deadline
EXTRA CREDIT MOVIE(S) 📝
The Promised Land - Mads Mikkelson is reason enough to watch, well, anything really. But when it’s an epic historical drama about challenging authority in 1700’s Denmark (note: expect subtitles) that gets really solid reviews? Well, that just makes it all the more fun then doesn’t it. Playing in Limited Theaters Friday
Scrambled - a woman in her 30’s feels pressured to “do the kid stuff” so she decides to freeze her eggs, but it also prompts her to connect with some ex’s. Sounds like a hijinks-y comedy, and it probably is, but the reviews say it’s generally witty and gets into a fresh territory that should’ve been talked about more openly looooong before this. 👶 Playing in Limited Theaters Friday
NOTABLE NEW RELEASES 🎟 & 📺
Orion and the Dark was written by Charlie Kaufman, which might sound kinda weird if you know his other movies: Being John Malkovich, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, Anomalisa or the recent Netflix I'm Thinking of Ending Things. Because animated movies are generally targeted at children, as Orion is. But when you think about it a touch more, the connection actually makes a lot of sense. Kaufman’s mind creates absurdist fantasy - kids? ✔️. Kaufman has anxieties about the unknown and a general lack of control in this world - kids? ✔️✔️. Kaufman really just seems to be searching for answers - kids? ✔️✔️✔️.
It might look at first glance like another goofy CG distraction-fest, but this is that rare family-friendly film bursting with ideas and challenging concepts. It’s Charlie Kaufman’s introspective existential dread — for kids! - from the Empire review of Orion and the Dark
I mean, the above quote kinda sums it up, but for further context, the story is about a little boy who is just terrified. I don’t need to add an “of what,” because it’s apparently literally everything. Dark, like an actual physical being, visits the kid to try and rectify that fear by showing him all the awesomeness that darkness brings (including introducing him to a bunch of “co-workers” that might make you think of Pixar’s Inside Out), and maybe help him with some other stuff along the way.
It’s getting lots of love for being good at doing two things very well - creating a solid narrative everyone can follow, but also treating the audience (kids and adults alike) with respect in how it presents the ideas it’s trying to get across. While, ya know, still being fun and pretty to look at.
Out: Friday
Where: Netflix
Details: 1 hr 32 mins | PG | 🍅: 88%
Director Matthew Vaughn loves spy movies. Oooor he hates them. Both? It’s probably both. Because with the three Kingsman movies he’s made over the past (nearly) ten years, he’s used lots of artifice to make fun of the exact movie he’s making. And blood, lots of blood too. But it’s a pretty tricky thing to pull off, because at a certain point, audiences might start to be like, “waaaaaiiiit a second, you’re right, this shit is kinda fuckin’ ridiculous.” Yet viewers have responded quite well (critics… eh, a bit less so after the first).
But while he’s gotten his chuckles in, it seems Vaughn isn’t done with the “joke,” and has taken things even further done the meta-hole with Argylle - a story about a writer (Bryce Dallas Howard) who’s espionage novels are so spot on, she’s being chased by actual real-life spies (!!) but is saved by yet another spy (Sam Rockwell).
And if you watch the trailer, you’ll see a bunch of other famous people (see above) are in the movie too. Some are real, but may not be who they say they are, and some are fabrications of the novels. Or are they? Dun dun dun…
Reviews are pretty darn critical of all the twist-heavy plotting, even more than they were of the Kingsman stuff, saying the movie becomes a bland, hard to follow pastiche of everything it’s trying to send up.
That doesn’t mean you won’t get to see some cool action sequences (Vaughn is known for well choreographed fight scenes), but it does mean you might lean to your movie going neighbor and whisper, “wait, why the hell are they trying to kill each other again?”
Out: Friday
Where: Theaters
Details: 2 hrs 29 mins | PG-13 | 🍅: 38%
TRAILERS! ⏯ “A combo of…”
Monkey Man - A combo of… John Wick and The White Tiger.
Road House - A combo of… Magic Mike XXL and a few dozen bottles of steroids (do they even come in bottles?)
Ghostbusters: Frozen Empire - A combo of… a fan film version of Ghostbusters and something studio execs call IP.
Tuesday - A combo of… a fake SNL trailer about the hardest hitting indie movie abut death and an actual hard hitting indie movie about death (that’ll probably make you sob).
The Ministry of Ungentlemanly Warfare - A combo of… a WW II historian’s worst nightmare and a 50 year old WW II junkie’s mental-masturbatory fantasy.
Immaculate - A combo of… Rosemary’s Baby and a modern jump-scare-fest. With a dash of 90’s “sexy thriller” thrown in.
Ricky Stanicky - A combo of… an Adam Sandler comedy and a comedy starring one of Adam Sandler’s friends.