This email has more abs than you.

And it doesn't even do situps.

THE QUOTE 🎬 💬

“I have crossed oceans of time to find you.”

hint: dude had the Morpheus glasses seven years before Morpheus

THINK THOUGHTS 💭

“For all the blah blah that people don’t go to the movies before Christmas, and that moviegoing mushrooms from Christmas Day onward, two holdovers, Moana 2 and Wicked are expected to hold over quite well“ - Deadline Hollywood, December 11, 2024

“Understand, this coming weekend is traditionally a dead zone as audiences, particularly women, get distracted by holiday activities.” - Deadline Hollywood, December 4, 2024

*ahem*

NEWSY BITS 👾

Jim Carrey traded retirement for a paycheck with ‘Sonic 3’: ‘I need the money’ - Breaking news, human decides to get a job and work for money. More at 10. I hesitated adding this, but I’m no information firewall and apparently can’t help but insert my commentary. I just think it’s silly this is a headline (though not at all shocked), because obviously the implication is that here’s an actor acting “for money,” and not “for the love of the craft.” That’s bullshit of course, because acting is a job. A job Carrey is very good at. Let the man get paid. And sure, he (jokingly?) said he wouldn’t come back to acting unless angels brought him a script written in gold ink, but still, he’s a person on earth, and as he said, “I bought a lot of stuff and I need the money, frankly.” Same brother, same. - The Hollywood Reporter

Golden Globes 2025 Nominations: ‘Emilia Perez’ Dominates Films With 10 Nods; ‘The Bear’ Leads TV With Five - does this make Emilia Perez the leading contender for an Oscar Best Picture? I don’t think so, but still, that’s a lot of nominations. But still again, it’s the Golden Globes, which like, does anyone give a shit? - Variety

Robert De Niro, Ben Stiller, Teri Polo & Blythe Danner In Early Talks To Star In New ‘Meet The Parents’ Film - reaction to Stiller’s Zoolander sequel sent him on a bit of a trip, so it’s interesting he’d be game to revive another of his… beloved? characters. - Deadline

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EXTRA CREDIT MOVIE(S) 📝

Maria - Jackie and Spencer director Pablo Larraín takes on another well known figure in opera singer Maria Callas (well, famous to some, I had no idea who she was 😬) at the end of her life. He also clearly has a thing for one word (first name) titles. The reviews say Angelina Jolie is a near lock for an Oscar nom for portraying Callas, with maybe her best acting evah (evah evah?). But many feel like the rest of the movie can’t quite keep up and leans towards the meandering. Streaming on Netflix Now

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NOTABLE NEW RELEASE(S) 🎟 & 📺

Kraven the Hunter

“Maybe if I never move, people will forget I’m even in this god-forsaken thing and we can all collectively move on to 28 Years Later, my next movie (for which there is a trailer in some random dude’s newsletter, a fact I have no idea why I know), which actually seems like a movie people will like, unlike this R-rated superhero slog.

I blame my agent. And my desire for a 10 bedroom house. But damn it, my abs! My abs are just too damn good! People will never be able to steal their gaze from my 3% body fat stomach. Curse my discipline! Curse it all the way to… oh shit, I moved.

Now I actually have to go murder these fools. I should probably stab ‘em in the neck. People like that, right? Oh who am I kidding, no one gives a flying fuck where I stab them, they’re already all looking at their phones. At least my sister movie in the Spider-Man-less-verse Madame Web had a ridiculous bit of dialogue people could anticipate. Who cares if it wasn’t even in the movie.

Hmmm, I wonder whats for lunch? That’s a joke of course. It’s unsalted boiled skinless chicken breasts. It’s always unsalted boiled skinless chicken breasts. Gosh you’re so funny Aaron. Hey thanks Aaaron.”

My presumption of Kraven the Hunter star Aaron Taylor-Johnson’s internal monologue in the above photo.

Out: Friday

Where: Theaters

Details: 2 hrs 7 mins | R | 🍅: 15%

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Queer

I like to think Daniel Craig starred in Queer, in part, to troll all the people who are so attached to the kind of traditional masculinity he portrayed in the James Bond franchise they’d rather slice off and eat their left foot’s middle toe than watch Bond, James Bond, make out with a dude. And for what!

But I also hope that’s not true and that Craig just delighted in the semi-autobiographical story of beat writer William S. Burroughs’ time in Mexico City (which included shooting his then wife in the head… accidentally? Don’t think that’s in the movie though). Because having your actions be driven out of spite is no way to live, really.

Challengers and Call Me By Your Name director Luca Guadagnino was Craig’s guide as he… descended? transcended? into the world of Burroughs. Whatever mode of transportation, physical or metaphysical, this is a world unlike either director or star have been joining recently. While Guadagnino’s Challengers was an off-kilter ditty (and audience splitter), it still had quite a bit of traditionality to it. But when you’re basing a movie off a short story by a writer from the Beat Generation (see: Jack Kerouac et al), it’s probably gonna get a bit weird. And reviews say it does, with episodes of meandering and seeming non sequiturs, But that ultimately it does a good job (and Craig especially) at conveying a sense of searching and discovery.

Note: this movie has been out in limited theaters, but this weekend is expanding nationwide.

Out: Now

Where: Theaters

Details: 2 hrs 15 mins | R | 🍅: 76%

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The Lord of the Rings: The War of the Rohirrim

Not sure J.R.R. Tolkien had “IP” in mind when he was adding addendums and the like to his epic trilogy (editor’s note: I’m sure. He didn’t). But by creating such a rich and extensive world, he allowed for future, now present day, movie studio execs to create movies based on a single page of an appendix so they could keep rights to said “IP.”

Now, as we’ve learned, mining IP doesn’t mean the movie won’t work inherently, but being driven by purpose rather than “because it exists and people know its name” are not the same. Especially when you go so deep in one name, you come out the other side with yet another name no one is really familiar with. Hell, The Lords of the Rings is already a long ass name, but at least your can just say LOTR. Add The War of the Rohirrim and you start to confuse people. Or at least create distance between your audience and the thing they know.

But the thing is, “the Tolkien world” has already been a bit muddied with Amazon’s Rings of Power series, which is set thousands of years before Bilbo and Frodo did their thing, whereas The War of the Rohirrim is a mere 183 previous.

Want one more wrinkle? This movie is an anime, which makes it cheaper, but very much cuts down on its audience.

So who’s it for then? Well, I’d say super dedicated Tolkien fans and those who are just plain curious. The rest of moviegoers(?), are probs best waiting for the next LOTR prequel, The Hunt for Gollum.

Out: Friday

Where: Theaters

Details: 2 hrs 10 mins | PG-13 | 🍅: 58%

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Carry-On

Nothing can be Die Hard except Die Hard. But other movies can certainly try and be Die Hard-esque. And that’s just what Carry-On looks like it’s trying to be.

• Xmas time? ✅

• One location? ✅

• Everyman going about his day, gets wrapped up in chaos? ✅

• Has a crazed criminal (Jason Bateman) who is communicating with the hero via audio device? ✅

• Features your favorite TV dad, Family Matters’ Reginald VelJohnson?. Unfortunately, no check. :/

And plus, Taaran Eggerton is no Bruce Willis, and that’s just fine. He’s been perfectly charming in The Kingsman movies and as Elton John. But here he works to tone down the flash as he tries to prevent a plane from being blown to pieces.

But wait, is that all that’s going on? Hmmmm

Out: Now

Where: Netflix

Details: 1 hr 40 mins | PG-13 | 🍅: TBD

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THE WEEKLY TRAILER PLAYLIST ⏯

28 Years Later - if my ACT training taught me anything, it goes 28 Days Later, 28 Weeks Later, 28 Years Later… then 28 Decades Later: Zombies in Space is clearly next.

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The Brutalist - the comparisons to There Will Be Blood feel inevitable, but this looks to follow a different aspect of “the American story.” Though both are incredibly well reviewed.

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The Gorge - romance at the depths of hell. No, seriously.

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You’re Cordially Invited - the kinda comedies Netflix and Amazon are keepin’ alive via streaming.

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