Bring Your Flippie-Floppies
Cuz we on a boat motherfuckers
“You’re a cynical, exploitative, mean-hearted creep who wouldn’t know real love if it bit him in the armpit.”
Hollywood’s having a bit of a light week as far as movie release go, and ya know what, I think I will too.
Until next week my friends, lovers and… enemies?
NEWSY BITS 👾
‘Barbie’ Reaches $1 Billion at the Box Office, Studio Says [Worldwide - about half is from the US. Greta Gerwig is the first (solo) female director to reach that mark (Captain Marvel made $1.1 billion and was co-directed by Anna Boden). This note is also interesting, “No movie in Warner Bros. history has sold so many tickets so fast, the studio said of the movie directed by Greta Gerwig.“ - that’s “tickets,” not dollars - because of inflation, dollars are often an unfair comparison metric] - The New York Times
EXTRA CREDIT MOVIE(S) 📝
Jules - cute looking movie about a cute looking alien that no one believes exists except three cute older people - Ben Kingsley, Jane Curtain and Harriet Samson Harris. The reviews say, as you might guess, it’s pretty cute. Playing in Limited Theaters This Friday
Red, White and Royal Blue - the first son (is that a thing?) of the United States and a Prince of the UK heat up political relations across the pond. No reviews needed, cuz it’s classic rom-com territory and classic rom-coms don’t need your silly judgement. Streaming on Amazon Prime This Friday
I was talking with a friend yesterday, who also worked in entertainment for a long while, and he asked me what was coming out this weekend - “Um, not a ton, but there is that Voyage of the Deeter or whatever” / “you mean Last Voyage of the Demeter?“ / “Yeah yeah, that one.” / “Wow, they were trying to make that movie like ten years ago…”
In fact, this movie is actually older than the entire core cast of kids from Stranger Things, i.e. 20+ years old! And depending on where you start your timer, one could actually say it’s in its 30’s. Because the origins of the film go waaaaay back to the 1992’s Bram Stoker’s Dracula that starred Keanu Reeves, Winona Ryder and Gary Oldman (as the bloodsucker) when writer Bragi F. Schut saw a miniature of the Demeter they used in that movie and was reminded of a brief chapter from Stoker’s book.
I’m not telling you this to deride the movie, just to point out that it can literally be a (Jesus sized) lifetime worth of work to bring a movie to the screen. It’s part of the mystery and magic on how and why movies get (or don’t get) made. Because a film is first and foremost simply an idea, an amorphous blob floating in the ether until someone looks up, grabs it and wrangles it into a physical form.
See, Schut initially conceived of his amorphous blob as “Alien, but on a boat.” Which contrary to the teachings of The Lonely Island and Mr. T-Pain, will seem to prove that not everything on seafaring vessels is drinkin’ Santana champ (cuz it’s so crisp), ridin’ dolphins (doin’ flips and shit) and wearing nautical themed pashmina afghans.
Nay sailors, this trip should finally allow the poop deck to earn its goofy title as an eclectic crew craps themselves while getting terrorized by The Drac as he tries to transport himself to London. Cuz it’s a long voyage and vampires be gettin’ hungry…
P.S. What’s a pirate’s favorite letter?1
Out: Friday
Where: Theaters
1 hr 58 mins | R | 🍅: TBD
Title: The Algorithmic Creation
INT. NETFLIX TECH LAB - NIGHT
A dimly lit room with sleek, futuristic computers and monitors lining the walls. The hum of machines fills the air. JESSICA (40s, confident and charismatic), BEN (30s, nerdy and analytical), and LISA (50s, skeptical but curious) stand in front of a massive screen displaying intricate patterns of data.
JESSICA (whispering) Alright, team, we're about to do something bold and a little bit crazy. We're going to use "the algorithms" to create the next blockbuster.
BEN (skeptical) Jessica, are you sure about this? We barely understand how these algorithms work.
LISA (agrees) Yeah, this feels like playing with fire. We can't just manipulate technology we don't fully comprehend.
JESSICA (smiling) That's the beauty of it, Lisa. This is Netflix's secret weapon. We're the trailblazers. Besides, we have a deadline to meet and an empty slate for our next hit.
Jessica types rapidly on the keyboard, bringing up an interface that displays various movie genres, themes, and character archetypes.
BEN (eyeing the screen) So, we're just going to input some random data and hope for the best?
JESSICA Not random data, Ben. Strategic data. We'll blend genres, combine audience preferences, and sprinkle in some surprise elements. This is where creativity and technology meet.
Lisa cautiously steps forward and examines the screen.
LISA (showing concern) But what if this goes wrong? What if we create a disaster?
JESSICA (confident) Lisa, we've seen movies created by algorithms before. It's time we take control and guide the process. Trust me, we've got this.
They start inputting various parameters into the system. The screen begins to flash with rapidly changing images, each representing a different aspect of a potential movie.
INT. VIRTUAL LANDSCAPE - NIGHT (IMAGINATION SEQUENCE2)
A whirlwind of visuals: Explosions, romantic embraces, epic battles, and tearful goodbyes, all interwoven in a mesmerizing dance. Subtle nods to iconic scenes from the Mission: Impossible, Bourne, and Bond franchises are woven throughout.
BACK TO SCENE
The room's lights flicker as the algorithm processes the data.
BEN (amazed) Look at that!
On the screen, a detailed plot outline emerges, weaving together the elements they've inputted. References to exhilarating stunts reminiscent of Mission: Impossible, intense spy intrigue inspired by Bourne, and suave espionage akin to Bond are all present.
JESSICA (grinning) We've done it! We've cracked the code of creativity!
Lisa remains skeptical but can't deny the intrigue of their creation.
INT. NETFLIX TECH LAB - LATER
The three stand before the finalized script on the screen, titled "The Heart of Stone."
LISA (softly) It's fascinating, no doubt. But are we sacrificing the essence of storytelling?
JESSICA (smiling) Not sacrificing, Lisa. Enhancing. This script has the potential to capture hearts and break box office records, drawing from the very essence of what makes franchises like Mission: Impossible, Bourne, and Bond so compelling.
BEN And with our names behind it, we'll be legends.
They share a determined look, a mix of excitement and uncertainty.
FADE OUT.
*the above was created entirely using Chat-GPT 4*
Because if The Flix is gonna use “the algorithms,” so will I.
Out: Friday
Where: Netflix
2 hrs 2 mins | PG-13 | 🍅: TBD
In this week’s trailers you can very clearly see the influence of other movies. Which for the most part, seems to be a very good thing.
All Dirt Roads Taste of Salt - someone has been watching Terrence Malick’s Tree of Life, and that’s a very good thing.
Fair Play - this is a movie that just wouldn’t exist without streaming. Is streaming to blame for that? Unclear. But regardless, an “erotic thriller” of this nature would not likely make it theaters, so The Flix at least deserves some credit for keeping the genre kickin’. Doesn’t look terrible either??
Dicks: The Musical - based on an off-Broadway musical that seems like it is itself based on The Parent Trap?? Looks weird and fun.
you’d think it be Rrrrrrrr, but it’s the Cccccccccccc
“IMAGINATION SEQUENCE” lol