Come on, it's not even December! 🎄
And yet the Christmas onslaught begins unabated.
“Laters on the menjay.”
I was going to talk about how the Christmas Creep has only increased its speed this year, but there are too many movies to read about and it’s late, so I’m going to leave that diatribe for next week. Or maybe never. All depends on what happens between now and then.
Side note: here’s a friendly reminder to go see Tár and The Banshees of Inisherin, two extremely good movies from recent weeks.
Extra Credit Movies:
The People We Hate at the Wedding - it’s a comedy about an almost meanly sarcastic group of family members attending their sister’s / daughter’s wedding in England. You’d probably write it off if not for starring some actors you know and like (see: Allison Janney, Kristen Bell, Ben Platt, Dustin Milligan from Schitt’s Creek). There are no reviews, but I do remember seeing some on Rotten Tomatoes, buuut then they disappeared. Weird. Think Amazon might’ve tried to play the embargo card. 😬 Makes sense as I remember them being not very good. So unless you really like the actors here, it seems like it’ll be a pass for most. Streaming on Amazon Prime this Friday.
There are plenty of movies where you can easily imagine how the pitch meeting went down. Spirited is a great one. So let’s imagine, shall we?
Pitcher: So check this out. We’re gonna do a modern update of A Christmas Carol where....
Studio exec: *annoyingly throws head back with mouth agape* Gaaaah, come on, there are like a bajillion of those!
Pitcher: Right, but we’ll have Ryan Reynolds…
Studio exec: …listening…
Pitcher: …who will play a caustic, yet still funny marketing / PR guy in the role of our Ebenezer, except we’ll name him Clint.
Studio exec: Love Reynolds, and Clint is a stupid name, no offense Clint, *Clint nods* but that sounds pretty damn similar to Bill Murray in Scrooged.
Pitcher: Fair. But we’ll also have Will Ferrell play…
Studio exec: Buddy the Elf! Say it’s Buddy the Elf! *aside to other exec* I love Elf.
Pitcher: …the Ghost of Christmas Present.
Studio exec: *kicks their feet as if they’re a child told they can’t have a candy bar. awwwww. Me no likey anymore.
Pitcher: *flustered and eyes darting searching for an answer* *sudden light bulb* And they’ll sing! And dance! Yup, they’ll sing and they’ll dance. And we’ll also bring in Octavia Spencer, who everyone loves…
Studio exec: *aside to other exec* I do love her.
Pitcher: …and she’ll have a love story with Will, and there will be another side part about how the Ghosts are actually a whole organization, and we can show how they choose their “scrooge” each year and and…
Studio exec: Fuck it. Let’s do it! But you gotta stick some guy dressed up as Buddy the Elf somewhere in the movie1. *muttering as they leave the meeting* I fucking love that movie.
Pitcher: Great! We’ll send the script over next week. *leaves meeting furiously texting producers asking if Reynolds, Ferrell and Spencer can sing / dance*
Out: Friday
Where: Apple TV +
2 hrs 7 mins | PG-13 | 🍅: 69%
If there’s some board people in Hollywood throw darts at to pick the subject matter for their next movie / show, sure as shit “skewering rich people” is on it (maybe more than once?). From The White Lotus, to Succession, the recent Triangle of Sadness and now The Menu, it’s become very en vogue to excoriate those who have far more than the average. But simply saying “wealthy people suck” isn’t enough, thus filmmakers are having to get inventive. So it is with The Menu, where instead of merely getting satirized, the wealthy get muuuuuurdered. 🔪 I mean, movies are nothing if not fantasy fulfillers?? *awkward smile*
The setting, you might’ve gathered is at a (very exclusive) restaurant where Ralph Fiennes plays a hyper popular chef whose food people are willing to fork (lol) over thousands to scarf down, only to 💩 out 12 hours later. Except this dinner is different, as the chef has a dark plan in mind, but things get a little twisted when Anya Taylor-Joy shows up as the date of Nicholas Hoult. See, Fiennes clocks that Taylor-Joy isn’t “one of them,” i.e. a rich person, thus creating our film’s tension because his plan was only meant for the richies. Well, the tension outside of that whole murdering people part.
Reviews are quite positive, saying the film does a good job of making its fairly blunt points, but does a better job at creating a darkly comedic atmosphere where you’re not quite sure how things are going to go, which honestly, might be the more important and interesting aspect here.
Out: Thursday
Where: Theaters
1 hr 46 mins | R | 🍅: 91%
We all do it. And honestly it’s understandable with how much is coming at us. But we read a headline and then don’t take time to delve into the full story. But whereas many movies often act as the former, She Said looks like it’s trying to be the latter. Which is important to distinguish when you’re getting into subject matter as topical as the reporting on Harvey Weinstein’s sexual assaults and the subsequent #MeToo / overall sexual accountability movement. Because while most of us know what happened generally, we might be hard pressed to suss out any details.
The movie follows two New York Times reporters, Jodi Kantor and Megan Twohey (played by Zoe Kazan and Carey Mulligan respectively), who worked together to publish a story that recounted numerous accounts from women who’d been assaulted and / or harassed by Weinstein. They literally wrote a book about their process, and this movie is based on it. In fact, it almost sounds like an alt title for the movie could’ve been “The Process” as reviews say it’s almost singularly focused on how the reporters culled together their information, cutting out any sensationalizing. But while that does apparently cut down on the “cinematic” aspects, critics say it doesn’t take away from the ultimate impact the story has (the movie’s or the real one).
Out: Thursday
Where: Theaters
2 hrs 14 mins | R | 🍅: 86%
You might see the Rotten Tomatoes score below and wonder why I’m highlighting this one. But the next time you open Netflix and see that massive promo with a horned Jason Momoa grinning at you, I want you to have a sense of whether you should hit play or not. Plus, as I’ve mentioned ad nauseam, movies are subjective and who knows what you, or more likely your kids, might think of Mamoa jumping around like a dude who turned Macklemore’s Thrift Shop into his entire identity as he tries to entertain and guide our hero, Nemo. No, not that one, the original Nemo. See, Slumberland is roughly based on the Little Nemo in Slumberland comics from the early 1900’s, but instead of a kid who won’t go to bed, in this telling she’s a child who is forced to live with her dull, but nice enough uncle (Chris O’Dowd) after the death of her rebellious father. A father she believes she can only see again in dreams, so she dreams, a lot. Trouble begins again when she can’t find him anymore.
It looks sweet (and expensive) but reviews are getting hung up on the fact it’s all a bit too much and not enough at the same time. Specifically, too much focus on visual grandeur and not enough heart. While I made fun earlier, Momoa is getting a solid amount of credit from critics for doing a good job at playing a goofy yet loveable side-kick. As is Marlow Barkley, who reviews say puts enough emotion into Nemo to not make it entirely forgettable.
Out: Friday
Where: Netflix
1 hr 57 mins | PG | 🍅: 50%
Growing up, when I watched Ralphie get shoved down the slide by Santa in the original A Christmas Story, it never even crossed my mind that the movie might’ve been made only years earlier. Hell, it didn't even seem like it was made at all. For some reason it just felt like it it "existed," not unlike the sun, something that had always been there, and will always be there2. Only much later did I come to realize it was just like any other movie. And yet it many ways it is obviously not like every other movie. Because how many films are given 24 hour marathon showings? You could almost say A Christmas Story was like the original version of Mariah Carey’s “All I Want for Christmas” - a piece of media whose mere presence announced a forthcoming host of festival accoutrements.
So now that we’re living in the “age of nostalgia,” it makes total sense we’re getting a sequel - no matter it’s been nearly 40(!) years. One that will inevitably not reach the cultural status of its predecessor, not necessarily because of its merits (but maybe), but more because of the more fragmented world we now live in (sure, HBO Max could technically set this as its only viewable movie for 24 hours, and I would fucking love it if they did, but even then there would be no way to stumble upon it as we did when channel flipping in the days of yore). But that doesn’t mean a return to the home and Indiana town where numerous moviegoers have spent countless hours won’t be a draw. And luckily, reviews are solid if not exactly enthusiastic. Which honestly, is mostly what you hope for. The original was not beloved for its top tier filmmaking, but for pinpointing a sense of biting nostalgia before it was even cool to do so. The biggest thing to note here is that nearly everyone you loved from the first one is back; the original actors playing their grown up characters, including a 51 year old Peter Billingsley as Ralphie, who is now the patriarch. Yes “nearly,” because crucially, and sadly, the actors who play his parents are not. His mother has been recast, but the absence of his leg-lamp loving father is what drives the narrative and allows Ralphie to come home again. As well as you, if you so choose.
Out: Friday
Where: HBO Max
1 hr 38 mins | PG | 🍅: 71%
John Wick: Chapter 4 - more guns, more fun?
Magic Mike’s Last Dance - looks slightly less raunchy, but that doesn’t mean it’s raunch-less.
Emancipation - the Will Smith movie Apple wasn’t quite sure when to release. But they decided and they’re doin it, no takebacks. Can’t say this full trailer makes me more excited to see it though…
Empire of Light - next movie from Sam Mendes, who has made fair amount of great movies(see: Skyfall and 1917), but early reviews for this one are… not so great. About a couple falling in live while working at a cinema in 80’s England.
Missing - basically a sequel to Searching (except not) where instead of the kid going missing, it’s the parent. And the kid has to do some internet sleuthing to help find them.
There’s also a third trailer for Dreamworks’ next Puss in Boots movie, but I can’t add it to the playlist (age restriction stuff). It actually looks pretty great if I’m being honest.
this part is apparently true.
yes, I of course know the sun hasn’t “always” been there and won’t be forever. Then again, what is forever, and furthermore, what is “time.” If it’s a circle maybe my statement is actually true. So hah!