Do I reeeaaally need to see it in theaters?
Yes.
“Here's the good news, what you are doing is stupid.”
How about that White Lotus ending? I for one called it right from the beginning. …..!!! Ok ok ok, fiiiiine. I did not, in fact, “call it.” But so what, being right isn’t the most important thing. Goals, personal fulfillment, family and and… jk, of course being right matters. And no one has been right more than James Cameron. Whenever I get down, I like to imagine him having a debate with a studio exec about a creative note. See, I imagine the exec treading carefully, but forthrightly with a suggestion they think will improve Cameron’s next project. And after each point made by said exec, all I hear is silence, and then Cameron calmly, but directly stating one of his many insanely successful movies.
Exec: I like how it is, but I really think if character X says to character Y blah blah blah and then maybe they engage in event yada yada yada that it’d increase the emotional stakes.
*silence*
*more silence*
*sound of sweat slowly rolling down exec’s forehead*
*eeeeven more silence*
Jimmy Boy: True Lies.
*nervous laughter from exec*
Exec: Good point Jim. It’s just that…
*cuts exec off*
Jimmy Boy: Aliens
*confusing gasps from exec*
Jimmy Boy: *starting to stand* Terminator
Exec: I….
Jimmy Boy: *standing up proper now* Terminator 2: Judgement Day
*exec starts to melt into their chair*
Jimmy Boy: The Abyss
Exec: I mean, well that one was…
Jimmy Boy: TI-TANIC!
*awkward silence*
Exec: *straightens shirt nervously* You’re right Jim. We’ll do it your way.
If you’re gathering that Avatar: The Way of Water is getting good feedback, you’d have gathered correctly. But you can gather even more below as it’s the only movie I’m giving a proper feature to this week since it’s the only one anyone is going to be talking about. Well, that and it’s also the only new theatrical release. Because who the hell wants to compete with ol’ Jimbo?
Not me.
Extra Credit Movie(s):
Nanny - a “psychological horror” movie about a woman immigrating to the US without her son, but who hopes to reunite with him soon. Until the family she nannies for starts to make her question that decision. Reviews are strong and very high on the performance of lead Anna Diop. They say it’s a realistic and compelling take on a horror-able (editor’s note: boooo) situation. And a strong debut for writer / director Nikyatu Jusu. Streaming on Amazon Prime, Friday.
Bardo, False Chronicle of a Handful of Truths - Alejandro González Iñárritu is the Pete Wentz of movie titles, he just loves a conspicuously long one. He also loves to indulge himself, and it’s often worked out in audiences’ favor as he’s made some modern classics in The Revenant and Birdman or (The Unexpected Virtue of Ignorance) <- see, told ya. Reviews are not very forgiving to Bardo though, saying it’s likely to be a solipsistic slog for most. But if you’re on the director’s level, it could be something special. 🤷♂️ Streaming on Netflix, Friday.
It’s the sequel no one has been waiting for, and yet everyone1 is going to see.
Now how exactly does that work? Because I honestly have no god damn clue, and yet it just does. It’s sometimes easy to forget in these instances that events - and this is most certainly an event in the most legitimate sense of the word - are constructed by people and are not merely slotted into our cultural consciousness. It took James Cameron (et al) a too oft-mentioned 13 years to realize the continuation of his passion project, the world of Pandora. But this quote from the LA Times review does a solid job of contextualizing a Cameron movie:
“‘Never underestimate James Cameron’ has become something of a mantra of late when, in fact, the underestimation is crucial. It’s part of the director’s hook, his wind-up showmanship, his belief that moviegoing can be a religious and even redemptive experience. The more he suffers, the more he can thrill us, and the more fully the wonder of cinema can be reborn.“ - from the LA Times review of Avatar: The way of Water
Sure, a bit over the top, but more importantly, has cinema been “reborn?” And if yes, does that make James Cameron its daddy? 🙃 I can’t answer the second of those two queries, but as to the first, the consensus from critics seems to be, yeah kinda!
If you remember, in the first Avatar…. lol, just kidding, of course you don’t remember what the fuck happened in the original movie. It was 13 years ago! And the plot wasn’t all that memorable in the first place. Such that the NY Times wrote an entire piece recently about how non-memorable the entire affair was! And yet, Avatar still grasps onto its place as the highest grossing movie ever made. And for good reason. Because it was ridiculously cool to look at. It was “made for theaters” and the only movie that ever justified the agony that is wearing 3D glasses (yes, this one is in 3D as well, but not exclusively).
Ok, so if the story in the first one was meh, and we only went for “the pretties,” why do it all again? Weeeell, because of reactions like this…
“This thing is a categorically and phenomenologically different experience than everything else that’s ever played at your local multiplex, including the original Avatar“
“An out-of-body theatrical experience that makes its predecessor feel like a glorified proof-of-concept, “Avatar: The Way of Water” is such a staggering improvement over the original because its spectacle doesn’t have to compensate for its story; in vintage Cameron fashion, the movie’s spectacle is what allows its story to be told so well.“ - pulled from the Indiewire review of Avatar: The Way of Water
Jesus, ok. But also this…
“The world both above and below the waterline is a thing to behold, a sensory overload of sound and color so richly tactile that it feels psychedelically, almost spiritually sublime.” - pulled from the EW review of Avatar: The Way of Water
Make me believe baby. But while you do, don’t forget this one…
“Many scenes, above and below the waterline, are stunningly unlike anything you’ve ever seen before; humans, wildlife, water and nature, often in beautiful sync with one another, at other times in conflict, are gorgeous and play an important role in the overall impact of this long (192 minutes), occasionally indulgent but pioneering film that excites by bringing something to the screen that has never been seen in quite this way before.” - pulled from the Deadline review of Avatar: The Way of Water
So it has even better pretties that could metaphorically make you poo yourself AND the story is pretty good? I mean yeah sure, why the fuck not then, right? What else do you have to do for *checks notes* three hours and twelve minutes?! Yeeeah, it’s going to be long, don’t get it twisted. And in classic Cameron fashion, when asked about the best time for audiences to take pee breaks, he adroitly replied “Any time they want. They can see the scene they missed when they come see it again.“ This. Fuckin’. Guy.
And speaking of story, I didn’t intend to get into it too much because the movie should do enough catching up for you, thus I wouldn’t sweat the whole not remembering stuff. I will say it’s set roughly ten years later and most of the major characters are back, plus some new ones that apparently add to the emotional heft, which again, sounds more weighty than the last. #kids
So to the TL;DR the situation. Yes, he has “done it again.” No, I can’t guarantee you’ll remember it 13 years from now, but tell me what you ate for dinner two weeks ago Tuesday and we can talk. Will it win Best Picture? Unlikely, but it will win the more important award. Money.
Out: Thursday
Where: Theaters
3 hrs 12 mins | PG-13 | 🍅: 82%
Lots of battles going on in the trailers this week.
Like Miles Morales’ battle with other Spider-Men (Spider-People? Spider-Things??) in the full trailer for Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse.
Or the abused women of a very religious community that battle their abusers, men, in Women Talking’s second (and much more compelling) trailer.
Can’t forget Adam Driver battling… dinosaurs?? Yeah, and with some ray guns and shit - pew pew! - in 65 (as in, 65 million years ago… I don’t don’t what to say, it’s odd). Looks like the inverse movie of Prey, the recent Predator prequel.
How about that never ending battle with the next iteration of Ghostface in Scream VI. Sure, why not.
And in maybe the most solemn, Brendan Fraser battles health and time in a better look at The Whale (out in limited theaters in NY / LA, expanding on the 21st).
yes smartass, I am of course exaggerating. I do not literally mean everyone. I’m excluding newborns and those on their deathbeds. Though, from the sounds of it, there could be worse first / last images…