Get in loser, we're talking movies.
I'm sorry, you're not actually a loser. In fact, you're the best.
In This Week’s Edition: the return of “the Plastics” | LaKeith Stanfield tries to become (another) Black Jesus | Kevin Hart does his best Jason Statham impression while Jason Statham just does Jason Statham
Movie Quote of the Week 🎬 💬
“Scotty doesn’t know!”
hint: Scotty’s (former) gf Fiona is played by none other than Smallville’s (and my once and former crush) Kristin Kreuk
THINK THOUGHTS 💭
Y’all aren’t the most talky bunch, are ya? See, whenever I put that little pink “Leave a comment” button in an email it’s like that one scene that’s in every high school movie where the teacher asks if anyone knows the answer and the camera just pans, waiting for a student to answer, but no one does so the teacher just keeps on rattling off information they’re confident the students are instantly forgetting.
But unlike the fake indignant movie teacher, I know that just means I haven’t asked you the right question… yet. Plus, I want to earn my responses, I’m not looking for any silly handouts. Unless they’re a Rivian truck... then I am definitely looking for silly handouts. 🛻
And plus, you never signed up for a two way dialogue. This is a newsletter after all, a letter which purportedly is full of news. But just know that I’m always here, ready and waiting for any “news” you want to pass along to me - especially if it’s of the juicy gossip variety.
NEWSY BITS 👾
Amazon Cutting Hundreds of Jobs at Prime Video and Amazon MGM Studios (Full Article): unclear exactly where in the divisions the jobs will come from (is it marketing, is it production…), but the numbers will be in the “several hundreds.” It’s not exactly surprising even if it’s still shocking for the industry - especially for those at the company - but streaming seems to be at an inflection point where companies are trying to focus on efficiency now that many of them have moved past their big growth phase. - The Hollywood Reporter
EXTRA CREDIT MOVIE(S) 📝
Soul - wait, didn’t this already come out like three plus years ago? Indeed it did. But “the bullshit” saw Disney shift the Pixar film’s release to become a Disney + exclusive. So if you haven’t seen it (it’s excellent) now’s your chance to catch an adult story in an awesome animation package on a better screen (yes, even better than your 75” OLED). Don’t take my word for it (though you can), since the reviews were and are stellar. Playing in Theaters Friday
Society of the Snow - I forget to mention this Spanish language (and Spanish language entrant for Best International Feature at this year’s Oscars) film last week which is another telling (there was also 1993’s Alive) of the dramatic story of the Uruguayan rugby team whose plane crashed in the Andes in 1976. It’s directed by J.A. Bayona who knows disaster movies fairly as he made 2012’s The Impossible, which was about the 2004 tsunami in South East Asia. The reviews are quite good, and plenty better than Alive’s, with critics saying it does well to convey an indescribable experience. Streaming on Netflix NOW
Role Play - Kaley Cuoco (Big Bang Theory) and David Oyelowo (Selma) play a couple where one is actually an assassin, but wait, this time it’s the wife! 🤯 One review slipped out before the embargo ended aaaaand it says what most others will likely say, that it’s predictable but harmless. Streaming on Amazon Prime Friday
NOTABLE NEW RELEASES 🎟 & 📺
It’s a musical. But damn if Paramount isn’t workin their asses off to let people be surprised by this fact in theaters. I don’t think there’s a single shot of the main cast singing in any of the major promo materials (ok, there is literally one). That doesn’t mean they don’t and won’t sing of course, just that the up-for-sale studio wants to try and maximize it’s audience by not turning off those who love the original Mean Girls, but hate all that “singing stuff.”
And people really do love the original! It’s been twenty years but you can still hear folks making “fetch” jokes on the near daily. I mean hell, Walmart just did an entire Black Friday ad series with (part) of the cast from 2004. Sure, it was a little cringe (though Amanda Seyfried still kills), but hey, this is the same store selling people 501 different colored versions of the Stanley Tumbler, so like, give the people what they want, right? Aaaaand apparently some people want to pay $143 for a pink one…
Creator Tina Fey (who, along with Tim Meadows, returns in her original role) gets most of the love for making a movie with such cultural endurance, so you’d think it’d be a good thing she’s back to write this version after also shepherding the property’s transition to Broadway. And while I’m confident it’d be worse without her, the reviews can’t say she found much reason to bring another version to the screen beyond a bit of modernization and “why not?” attitude. And while I can’t say it’s a good reason, I also can’t say it’s a bad one. And one I can’t argue too hard against. Because if people want to squeal when they see a new Regina George utter the classic “get in loser” line, who am I stop them?
Plus, Regina is scaaaary. 🫣
Out: Friday
Where: Theaters
Details: 1 hr 52 mins | PG-13 | 🍅: 75%
A biblical set movie where Lil Wayne is rapping over the trailer? I mean all right, you have me intrigued. I’m also not mad at LaKeith Stanfield, one of our more interesting modern leading actors, playing a dude trying to suck on some of that Jesus juice... Wait, rewind. That came out wrong. I should more clearly state that Stanfield, the Clarence in question here, is a man trying to be like Jesus. In that he has followers who toss him money. Because Clarence needs cash. Phew, ok, that’s better. Don’t wanna get myself in some Aaron Rodgers situation now…
And while I can’t be sure of your religious devotion - in type or fervency - there’s a chance you’re at least somewhat familiar with the earth bound part of the Holy Trinity and his (their?) story with the apostles. But it doesn’t sound like a requirement for entry as the story mostly looks like it uses that as a framework for a man who is searching for his purpose, by following His.
“Giving the final days of Christ a contemporary, allegorical spin, The Book of Clarence is more concerned with entertainment value than delivering a sermon. The results are tonally erratic, but absolutely interesting, at the very least.” - from the IndieWire review of The Book of Clarence
The idea for all this comes from writer / director / producer Jeymes Samuel who also made Netflix’s recent The Harder They Fall, a modern Western where nearly the entire cast was Black. The same goes here, including Jesus, which may piss off a few racists, but like, yay for that. The more important question is whether Clarence’s personal pilgrimage is worth joining in on and based on reviews, it’s a strong maybe. The consensus seems to be the effort is there, from practical effects to good satisfying jokes, as is the experimentation of modernizing a very staid genre, but that the tonal shifts may be a bit much for people and that the ultimate destination may leave less pious viewers questioning their faith (in their choices, ya know, cuz they’re already not that religious… whatever, let’s just end this now).
Out: Friday
Where: Theaters
Details: 2 hrs 15 mins | PG-13 | 🍅: 76%
Does Jason Statham play a literal beekeeper? Yes. Is that kinda silly? Totally. Do we think he’s aware how silly? Good chance, but I wouldn’t fight him on it. Is that because he’s very good at pulverizing people’s faces as a metaphorical “beekeeper” who is some military special ops guy? No question. Is the violence he commits all in an effort to fight a corrupt government that only he (one man!) can help expose and take down? Indubitably. Is there like a slight chance that movies like these - even though the vast (vast) majority of viewers understand they’re ridiculous distractions intended to be more of an action ballet than message machine - are maybe somewhat responsible for people really liking keeping AR-15s in their closets? I wouldn’t rule it out!
Note: directed by David Ayer who made the first Suicide Squad movie (and yes, wrote Training Day and The Fast and the Furious)
Out: Friday
Where: Theaters
Details: 1 hr 45 mins | R | 🍅: 72%
Netlfix has shown (literally) that tossing money at big action-comedies that may not do well with critics, but seem to entertain its subscribers is generally a good idea. Which is why you’re reading about a Kevin Hart movie (in what looks like one of his more subdued acting efforts - all to transition him into action star?) where he leads a group of thieves who are conscripted to steal literal gold from *gasp* a moving plane! No reviews, but as mentioned, Netflix has something better. Data.
Out: Friday
Where: Netflix
Details: 1 hr 44 mins | PG-13 | 🍅: TBD
TRAILERS! ⏯ “The one and only…”
Lisa Frankenstein - The one and only… trailer I’m featuring this week, which itself features people seeking their one and only. 💀❤️
I don’t know the actual number, but it is a lot