THE QUOTE 🎬 💬
“It's bad to kill. Guns kill. And you don't have to be a gun.
You are what you choose to be.
You choose.
Choose.”
hint: Brad Bird
THINK THOUGHTS 💭
My thought of the day is that I hope you have a lovely one. ☀️
NEWSY BITS 👾
‘Mission: Impossible — The Final Reckoning’ Has A $400M Budge - jeeeeeeesus. - Deadline
Apple Is Losing Over $1 Billion per Year on Streaming Service, Has 45 Million Apple TV+ Subscribers - Feel like half of that billy is coming from shooting Severance. 🙃 - Variety
OpenAI Is Ready for Hollywood to Accept Its Vision - [long-ish read] article isn’t the deepest of dives, but basically another beat of the impending AI drum - The Hollywood Reporter
NOTABLE NEW RELEASE(S) 🎟 & 📺
Death of a Unicorn
I don’t care if this movie got 100% on Rotten Tomatoes (it didn’t), made 300 million dollars on opening weekend (it won’t1), it’ll never be as awesome as the most awesome unicorn movie to ever feature the special horn. 🦄
That Tom Cruise starring, Ridley Scott directed 80’s synth-fest banger is the unicorn movie to ever grace audiences’ corneas. Which is why I give Death of the Unicorn (DoaU) director Alex Scharfman credit, because he’s going up against the top of the top.
But sounds like taking down the “elites” is of interest to him as DotU is a combo send-up satire / dark comedy / horror where rich idiots get their comeuppance for being rich, and idiots.
The premise is simple in that Paul Rudd and his (on screen) daughter Jenny Ortega accidentally hit a creature with their car, which turns out to have a uni horn. Rudd’s visiting some wealthy pharmaceutical folks who see this as an opportunity to become even wealthier. But, if you notice, the name of the movie isn’t Death of THE Unicorn, which means, you guessed it… more unicorns! Yaaaaaayyyyy!!!
Except no.
🥺
Because unicorns apparently don’t like it when you keep another unicorn in your possession (note: can confirm from Legend!). And lest we think unicorns are just soft, pretty white horses with a horn, DoaU is here to say they’re very much not? That they are in fact scary sharp-tooth laden vengeful fuckers bent on smiting those who’ve messed with their kind.
So maybe think of that the next time you go unicorn hunting on your dating apps.
Out: Friday
Where: Theaters
Details: 1 hr 44 mins | R | 🍅: 59%
A Working Man
If you had thoughts a movie starring Jason Statham might be subtle, the sledgehammer in his hands will cure you of them — and your brain of its home in your skull for producing such a silly notion.
Because Statham doesn’t do subtle, especially not when he’s paired with his The Beekeeper directing buddy David Ayers who gives him the opportunity go kick some arse at basically every opportunity.
Which is exactly what he’ll do (again) this time, focusing on the buttocks of lowly human traffickers, who are apparently everywhere these days (especially airport bathrooms if the signs are to be believed).
But while the storyline is sure to be as ridiculous as the stone cold one liners Statham will deliver, it clearly satisfies a certain itch. Mostly for older dad type dudes who are probably are scratching other stuff while they watch. 🍒
Out: Friday
Where: Theaters
Details: 1 hr 56 mins | R | 🍅: 65%
Woman in the Yard
It’s a woman, in a yard. And tbh (tibbuh for long) she does look pretty creepy.
I don’t know why she’s there, and neither does the family made up of a mother and her two sons who live on a farm, absent their dead husband/father. But the trio is likely to find out as this woman is intent on creeping closer and closer towards their home until she’s literally hiding in the shadows.
Oh, did I mention this was a romance? That’s good I didn’t because this is absolutely a horror movie. Another one from the, I don’t want to say maestro because, that’d sound stupid, but man who has become very rich from producing low budget horror movies, Jason Blum (he produced Paranormal Activity, Insidious, Get Out, Black Phone).
He’s done this becoming rich thing by focusing on tightly focused high-concept productions where the locations are limited (see: the farm) as is the cast (see: the family and rando creepster). But the key is that the movie is never allowed to go over budget (usually $10 million).
That often seems to work in the audiences favor as the filmmakers must get inventive, and they look to here with the shadow bit. But as with all horror movies, the question is not whether you can build tension, but whether you can keep it for 90 minutes…
Out: Friday
Where: Theaters
Details: 1 hr 28 mins | PG-13 | 🍅: TBD
The Ballad of Wallis Island
It’s a little British romp that’s probably playing in far too few theaters, but gosh darn if it doesn’t look like a delightful pillow upon which your weary emotional state can rest and recharge.
It almost looks to be in the vein of the absolutely lovely musical drama Once, if definitely goofier and more produced. But the reviews say it does well at holding the line of being wistfully heartfelt while still keeping it light, never fully veering into the lane of saccharin.
The premise itself is certainly a bit twee in that an eccentric wealthy-by-lottery superfan of a former musical duo (and former lovers) brings them back together on his island for a mini reunion concert. You can imagine a few versions of how that goes and one of them is probably pretty close.
You’ll probably know Carey Mulligan from the cast, but that’s enough for me as she has a tendency to pick her roles quite well, and this one only seems like it’ll bring up her average.
And your heart. ❤️
Out: Friday
Where: Limited Theaters
Details: 1 hr 28 mins | PG-13 | 🍅: 97%
EXTRA CREDIT MOVIE(S) 📝
Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Road Trip - a semi-sequel to the Jennifer Garner Steve Carell novel-based movie from a few years ago. Expect similar hijinks, but with a twist in that the family is on a journey to Mexico to “rediscover their roots.” The reviews don’t exist yet, but this doesn’t need ‘em as it’s literally a movie about a family, led by matriarch Eva Longoria, for families. Disney + Friday
THE WEEKLY TRAILER PLAYLIST ⏯
Final Destination Bloodlines - death comes for us all, but it’s coming for these fools a lot faster.
Don’t Let’s Go to the Dogs Tonight - a (white) child experiences the complexity of her families situation living in Rhodesian (now Zimbabwe)
Rust - the movie where Alec Baldwin accidentally shot (and killed) the movie’s cinematographer, Halyna Hutchins. What are the ethics here? I don’t know. Though I find it slightly odd there’s no acknowledgment of the situation in the trailer (or even the YouTube description).
more like 5-7