How disturbed are you? đ¤
Don't worry, I won't call the the cops.
THE QUOTE đŹ đŹ
âHello. I'm Gail Hailstorm, author of the book You're Dead, I'm Rich.â
hint: itâs a scary movie, but itâs not a horror movie
THINK THOUGHTS đ
Soooo, apparently word got out to the incels about Joker: Folie à Deux being a musical�
PS donât normally do new film announcements in the news section, but feel like there are a couple this week that should get some people pretty excited. So go on, get to readinâ!
NEWSY BITS đž
Anne Hathaway Confirms Return for âPrincess Diaries 3â With Director Adele Lim - Lim co-wrote Crazy Rich Asians and directed the sorely under seen Joy Ride. Hathaway is⌠Anne Hathaway. - Variety
Christopher Nolanâs Next Movie Lands at Universal with Matt Damon in Talks to Star - absolutely zero details on what the fuck itâs about beyond rumors it involves a father and a son. Scintillating stuff, I know. - IndieWire
Qantas Apologizes For Playing R-Rated âDaddioâ On Flight: âClearly Not Suitableâ - it appeared on all screens and it was an experience âone traveler described as â40 minutes of penis and boobs.ââ lol. - Deadline
EXTRA CREDIT MOVIE(S) đ
Piece By Piece - a documentary of the life of Pharrell Williams. But because itâs Pharrell, itâs animated, with Legos. Well, animated Legos. Not real Legos. Duh. The reviews are kind, but in that almost, âthis wonât harm anyoneâ way and less, this is definitely something you need to see. But they do extoll its virtues of positivity and fun dissection of how Williams creates music using his synesthesia (he sees colors when he hears music). Playing in Theaters Friday
Caddo Lake - a missing girl in the bayou turns into an even larger mystery with dual stories that seem to combine into one. The reviews say itâs a bit of a twist-fest (it was produced by M. Night Shyamalan), but they are fairly limited. From the trailer it certainly looks competent enough. Streaming on Max Friday
Lonely Planet - Laura Dern and Liam Hemsworth get a lilâ romantic in Morocco. No reviews cuz this is a Netflix flick. Streaming on Netflix Friday
NOTABLE NEW RELEASE(S) đ & đş
Terrifier 3
If youâre the kind of sick fuck (read: me) who finds it interesting to consider the differences between a living human body being sawed in half transversely (across the stomach) vs midsagittally (from the groin to the head or versa vice), you⌠should probably consider therapy.
Now if youâre the absolute raging sadistic psycho (read: hi again đ) who delights in watching either of those options play out for your personal enjoyment on a massive screen? Weeeell, you should probably consider going to the theater this weekend. And therapy. In part because itâs good for everyone no matter the context, but mostly because youâre a danger to society.
However, if youâre on the end of the spectrum where you regret not wearing diapers today after merely flittering your eyes across the image of that abomination of a clown-santa, well then, you should run. Far.
But not to any theaters, because this weekend theyâre about to be filled with the blood of the innocent, spilled by Mr. Art the Clown.
Who in the god damn hell is Art the Clown you ask? Well my friend, heâs about to be the guy youâre hearing about in the headlines as the harlequin that took down Joker.
Because after two very low budget films, but very successful, and very violent grindhouse slashers, Art is about to have his breakout moment.
Because after Joker: Folie Ă Deux shat the bed last weekend at the box office, Art is about to burst through the door, jump in and roll around in it. And lest you think Iâm being transgressive for the sake of it, Iâm not. That is the exact kind of stuff youâll see in this movie. Itâs the kind of onscreen activity that makes some people run out of the theaters puking, which only drives more people in to theaters to see what the hell made those people barf up their popcorn in the first place.
So yeah, if you delight in extremely gory horror movies, your deep seated disturbed inner child shall be satisfied. And if youâre of the diaper wearing variety, now you know what to avoid when you hear the news reporting about the #1 movie in America next week1.
Out: Friday
Where: Theaters
Details: 2 hrs 8 mins | R | đ : 80%
Saturday Night
Humans love to revere and recite our collective myths. But whereas we once sat around a fire regaling each other with how the earth was lifted out of the sea by brothers or humans were born out of clay and loneliness, now we gather in dark, temperature-controlled rooms and watch the story of how our Saturday nights began to be consumed by troubadours and jesters.
Thatâs a hell of a long (and pretentious) way of saying this movie is about the origins of SNL. Because at nearly 50 years old, SNL is at that point where its inception has become the stuff of legend. And while its creator, Lorne Michaels, who is the center point of the movie, is not only still alive, but still running the show, he wonât be forever. So Jason Reitman, director of movies you know, if mostly from quite a few years ago (see: Juno, Up in the Air - ok fine, the two recent Ghostbusters too), has decided to interview those who were there for it all and put to film what went down the first chaotic night SNL - originally called Saturday Night - went to air.
But while Michaels (played by Gabriel LaBelle, who also aped Steven Spielberg in The Fabelmans) acts as our genial calm guide during the mayhem, there are of course your favorite original SNL cast members, like: Garrett Morris, Chevy Chase, Gilda Radner, Dan Aykroyd, Jane Curtain, John Belushi and more. And Reitman apparently did very well at casting (not overly known) actors who do a great job of recreating the essence of the people you may know so well.
But while the movie is getting a good amount of love, thereâs a smaller subset saying itâs far too safe in its portrayal of such a dynamic show thatâs known for teetering on the edge. It seems this is in part because the movie looks to have such a love for the NBC production, it almost expects you to have one too, instead of generating that passion from the story itself.
So while the average person may well enjoy themselves if they have an inkling of awareness of SNL, it seems the true die-hards are going to get the most enjoyment.
But if youâve never seen a Weekend Update, donât have love for hungry Gap girls, donât know that Gumby can be grumpy too or have never enjoyed a retelling of an alien abduction, theeeeen you might not be the audience.
Out: Friday
Where: Theaters
Details: 1 hr 49 mins | R | đ : 79%
The Apprentice
Sure it might seem important to try and understand the origins of a man who has reshaped politics and some fear is a dictator in waiting. But also, is it?? Itâs not because the consequences of someone who potentially has the chance to wield the incredible power of the office of the President of the United States donât matter, itâs just that you kind of have to ask yourself - do you need more Donald Trump in your life?
The answer is no.
Even if youâre someone whoâs turned the manâs beyond painfully inane ramblings into their new bedside bible, and you think that answer might be yes. Even still, this movie is not going to be the Trump you want more of. Because this Trump is the drug taking rapist whoâs an ignorant business man. All things that are easily verifiable mind you, but not welcome thoughts for the devotees. Itâs a portrayal that literally almost prevented the movie from being distributed in the United States. Because in an almost hilariously predictable scenario, one of the original financiers was the son in law of Dan Snyder, former owner of the Washington Commanders and Trump supporter. But even after the filmmakers were able to buy the rights back, no major media company stepped in - some would say due to fear of the potential money the film could make (or lack thereof), and yet others would say the businesses feared retribution from Trump if he wins.
But even if youâre not of the hardcore red hat wearing crowd and youâre considering watching, Iâd pose the question - couldnât ones time be better spent on other activities? Like literally anything? A game of solitaire? Staring at the wall? Because the time this man has spent in our collective consciousness has gone well beyond whatâs healthy.
I know not seeing it hurts the movie and those who made it, which isnât great. And by all accounts reviews say they did pretty well (Sebastian Stan, Bucky from the Marvel movies, has gotten praise for his acting), if not exactly discovering or presenting anything new or that insightful. But honestly, is there anything to discover? Sure, thereâs the story about how the former President was taught the tricks of his mentor, Roy Cohn (played by Successionâs Jeremy Strong), but does that matter - does it make Trump any less narcissistic, vindictive and more to the point, a human most other humans should work to ignore (if not for the potential damage he can cause)?
Clearly Iâm not a fan, and maybe youâre not either, but disagree with me and think it is important to work to understand the MAGA man. And thatâs entirely fair. But me, Iâve already written too much for my preferences, so I shall stop.
Out: Friday
Where: Theaters
Details: 2 hrs 0 mins | R | đ : 79%
THE WEEKLY TRAILER PLAYLIST âŻ
Heretic - who wouldâve predicted Hugh Grant would make such a delightful villain.
A Complete Unknown - a Bob Dylan biopic starring TimothĂŠe Chalamet. Seen a few internet drips and drops dragging it a bit for being overly straightforward and earnest, but ya know, Iâm ok with that.
Anora - the 2024 Cannes Palme dâOr winner seems like it could get some Oscar love too. Looks pretty fun to me.
this isnât quote a guarantee, but itâs certainly trending that way
I feel like I might finally rate a Sean Baker film 5* (probably won't)