How inappropriate is tooooo inappropriate?
Asking for a friend. Well, two friends. And they're not really friends, more like movie characters I'm calling friends for the purposes of this little blurb.
“Damn! You sank my battleshit!”
So I have this little match striker / holder thingie right next to my incense. It’s cute. Whenever I fill it with my strike anywhere matches (which are hard as hell to find for purchase btw) I pour the sticks from the box into my hand, sort them and make sure they’re all upright, tips to the sky.
Except one.
I always leave a single match flipped the opposite of the rest. Butt side up you could say. I don’t know exactly why I do it. But I kinda almost can’t not do it. It’s a sort of tic. I have this internal dialogue of like, who cares? Do they even need to be sorted? Just shove ‘em in as they came tumbling out of the box! Yet organize I do.
And maybe it’s because I know it’s there, sitting opposite the rest of the “properly” placed matches. The dumbest act of “defiance” and “look at how different I am” attitude. It’s really very (very) silly. But it’s kind of fun because I know it’s there, even if no one else does (and trust me, literally no one else does - well, except you now. sshhhh).
Why am I telling you this beyond needlessly punching up my word count? Well, I guess maybe just to comment on how it can be fun to do things that are ostensibly pointless, except you enjoy them. In fact, I do that quite a lot with this newsletter. I wrote a while back about how I enjoy what I write even outside of other’s consumption, but that’s in part because I generally stick a few “butt side up” things in each edition - turns of phrases and fun word choices. Stuff I may think is funny, but likely no one else will. And if someone else does notice? Sweet! If you do ever notice something you might feel is a bit “butt side up,” please, lemme me know.
How that will translate into this fresh new territory that is the audio edition, I can’t really say. But what I can say is that reading my writing last week was… kinda weird? Which is weird that it’s weird. Because, like, I wrote it. So shouldn’t speaking it be not that weird? Plus, it’s my voice. I hear my voice all the time. And yet weird it was. I talked to a few people about it, since *shock and terror* some of you actually listened to it. 😬
Most just enjoyed that it was an option, and they also acknowledge it was my first time. And as we all know, first times can be awkward. So here’s to decreasing the awkwardness.
One of my friends texted me that it was “Ira Glass-esque, in a good way.” As most of you probably know, Glass is host of This American Life, which is one of the best and most popular podcasts of all time, so Imma take that as a win. Sure, they were being (very) nice, but again, wins you must take. This same friend also mentioned how they’re not generally a “listener” and far more of a “reader.” But that it was nice to have the option. In part because it’s short enough to be consumable. It was great feedback and it, along with other notes people gave me, let me know I should probably keep it as an option. My mom told me I should swear less. Something she has been doing since I was like, I dunno, nine? I think I even had to wash my mouth with soap once. Or am I just cribbing from A Christmas Story? Hmmm. Either way, sorry mummy, you raised a son who loves you, but one with a hell of a potty mouth. So no dice.
But one thing I want to determine is whether I should keep it as “Latham reads the newsletter directly” or turn it more into a “Latham just kinda talks about the movies with newsletter as rough structure.”
Opinions, do we have them?
Lastly, as for me getting on TikTok, we had a plurality that was basically, yeah no. But at least a few of you were possibly down for it, which in the words of a wise man named Lloyd Christmas, “So you’re telling me there’s a chance.”
NEWSY BITS 👾
National Cinema Day returns for 2023 with $4 movie tickets at AMC, Regal, other theaters - [Sunday! The second year theater owners are giving it a go. $4 tix this year vs the $3 price of last year. Inflation’s a motherfucker] USA Today
Most American adults under 30 prefer watching TV with subtitles — even when they know the language [this bullshit again!? this bullshit again. when you take account all ages it’s only 38% who prefer subtitles on, but look at only those under 30? it’s 63%. *Kevin Hart voice* Damn.] - YouGov
‘Barbie’ Passes ‘The Dark Knight’ to Become Highest-Grossing Warner Bros. Domestic Release Ever [As of the story it was at $535.7 million - aka more money than you’ll ever see in your puny existence. Now if you took inflation into account it might shift, but still a nice headline for the team] - The Wrap
WGA Slams Studios’ Latest Offer & Meeting As Attempt To Make Guild “Cave”; “Not To Bargain, But To Jam Us” [translation: things are going swimmingly *sarcasm* 🙃] - Deadline Hollywood
EXTRA CREDIT MOVIE(S) 📝
You Are So Not Invited to My Bat Mitzvah - Adam Sandler and his daughters star in a movie together, but this time his daughters are the stars. There are only nine reviews, but they’re not terrible? In fact, they’re kinda… good. Better than most of Adam’s solo movies in fact. 😬 Streaming on Netflix This Friday
Retribution - Liam Neeson goes after all the producers who put him in “shitty” action movies. Jk, it’s another “shitty” action movie. The reviews are bad. But you knew that already. Just as you already knew if you were in when you I said Liam Neeson. Playing in Theaters This Friday
Golda - Helen Mirren plays Israeli Prime Minister Golda Meir during the Yom Kippur war. The reviews are literally 50/50 with a few saying Mirren’s acting turns it into something watchable while others were just bored. Playing in Limited Theaters This Friday
I’m going to challenge you. Or rather, you’re going to challenge yourself with this one. Because Bottoms is bound to make most of you uncomfortable in one way or another. Whether it’s seeing queer teenage girls fist fight as a means to get laid, or a wildly inappropriate high school teacher - played by former NFL star, and bonafide Skittles addict Marshawn Lynch - telling his (virgin) students they don’t know diddly squat about performing oral sex.
But you’re not the one doing all these things, you’re just watching them happen. So like, chill, ok? You’re gonna need to stop being such a priggish little prude if you want to enjoy Bottoms. So take those puritan values, toss ‘em out the window of the windowless buggy and let’s go for ride shall we?
It’s a ride crafted by director / co-writer Emma Seligman and star / co-writer Rachel Sennott who also collaborated on the excellent Shiva Baby. The third key piece here is Ayo Edebiri, yes, from The Bear, who has also previously collaborated with Sennott on the cheeky web series, Ayo and Rachel Are Single (think Broad City vibes).
Sennott and Edebiri play the aforementioned horned up teens who back into a fight club as means to date cheerleaders, who themselves are currently dating football players who are literally always wearing their pads. It’s absurd of course. And all the better for it apparently. Because reviews say the over-the-top-ness of it all allows it to excoriate not just masculinity, but “false feminism” and basically whatever topic the filmmakers wanted to make inappropriate jokes about. But don’t expect jokes for jokes' sake. They’re likely to be coming from a place of purpose. Even if you that place may make you squirm in your seat and look around the theater, unsure if it’s ok to laugh.
Not sure this is entirely fair, but you could look at it as a sort of gonzo Barbie where the ends are roughly the same, but the means are as close to being twins as Arnold Schwarzenegger and Danny DeVito are in, well, Twins.
“I really just wanted to see superficial, horny, messy teenage girls who happen to be queer.“ - director / co-writer Emma Seligman on how the movie came about
Out: Friday
Where: Limited Theaters
1 hr 28 mins | R | 🍅: 98%
If someone had said they planned all this, they rightly would’ve been called a god damned liar. Because to think you could a) build out a massive racing video game franchise that b) would then inspire a TV show contest where gamers who race digital race cars learn to race actual cars, after which one of the gamers becomes a legit professional race car driver who c) would then inspire an entire theatrical film based on his story that is a pretty much a very expensive commercial for said video game which started it all. Is kind of insane.
I mean Jesus Franklin Christ, is there a better case of “franchise synergy” in the history of Capitalism? I dare say no siree Bob. And yet here we are. Bob.
Now if you bend toward conspiracy theories and “the illuminati” type bullshit, you’d be all like, well duh, this is clearly just par for the THEY CONTROL EVERYTHING course. “They” are all just manipulating us to buy more video games and watch more shows and movies. But if that’s the case, Bob, this is your chance! You can *shock* choose to not watch this movie and stick it to The Man. Yeah! 👊
*skitters away before becoming involved in some ridiculous diatribe about George Washington and the pyramid on the US dollar*
But for us poor saps who live in the much more drab and complicated world that is reality, we can see this for what it is, an effort to “mine IP.” Actually not unlike the recent smash Barbie, but if reviews are to be believed, GT is also very unlike Barbie in that it’s a far more straight forward take that, while yes, is basically a big ass ad for the game, is also a classic and mostly competent underdog sports movie from director Neill Blomkamp (direct of District 9) - now very much in director-to-hire territory.
Because there is duality in this word and things can be more than one thing. You can be annoyed that this movie is an ad, and yes, you can still enjoy it! Or you can be annoyed that this movie is an ad and subsequently go on with your day as if you never read this.
Choices Bob! Choices!
Out: Friday
Where: Theaters
2 hrs 15 mins | PG-13 | 🍅: 59%
I could tell you about Fremont. Wherein I highlight that it’s a droll satire on the immigrant experience. How it’s about a former Afghan translator (played by first time actor and actual Afghan refugee Anaita Wali Zada) dealing with a temporal shift in her life - one which sees her living in Fremont California, sussing out her place in the universe while working in a fortune cookie factory, after growing up in one of the most fraught countries on this terrestrial planet of ours. I could tell you all that, but it might not mean much.
But why?
Because Fremont looks like one of those movies you kinda just gotta feel. Like there is a vibe you’re picking up and you don’t exactly understand why, but if you get it, you get it. Not unlike how bats use echolocation to get a sense of the world - in that they don’t see the world around them, they literally feel it (I recently listened to a cool podcast episode about bats, ok? just go with it).
So I think you’re going to have to use one of your other senses to determine if you’re into this one. Watch and absorb the trailer, and then use your sixth, seventh or twenty second sense - whichever one it is you use to pickup whatever it is that emanates from art. Call it your art-o-meter. Or something way less dumb.
Whatever it is, access it, and then trust it. Because if you don’t, you might miss out on something you’ll very much enjoy. Or you might run straight into the equivalent of a cinematic wall.
Either way, sucks for you.
“the film settles into the sort of semi-enchanted deadpan that flattens its world into a gentle monotone, making its strangeness feel ordinary, and its ordinariness feel strange…“ - from the Indiewire review of Fremont
Note: yes, that is Jeremy Allan White from The Bear in the above photo, but he is not a lead. So don’t expect to be traipsing around Fremont with him and Zada. Just settin’ expectations here folks.
Out: Friday
Where: Limited theaters
1 hr 28 mins | PG-13 | 🍅: 97%
Having a movie you make released in theaters is probably pretty darn cool. But you know what’s even cooler? A motherfuckin’ sequel. And I’m pretty sure if last year’s Vacation Friends had been released in the climate controlled environments of cinema houses instead of a cozy little place called Your Couch, I wouldn’t be telling you about (the snoozily titled) Vacation Friends 2 right now.
Because based on the relatively muted theatrical performance of other recent R rated comedies (see: No Hard Feelings, Joy Ride, Strays) people prefer their inappropriate jokes in an environment where they can laugh without judgement. That or they just need a quick and dirty at home distraction from work, the kids or contemplating the profound yet crushing fact our bodies are basically a random assortment of physical matter waiting to be redistributed back into the cosmos after a life that is nothing but the tiniest of blips in the trillions of years that will culminate in the universe reaching thermodynamic equilibrium, thus resulting in the death of the entirety of existence, all while they stare at the rotating platter of their microwave oven as it heats up a couple-a Hot Pockets, their “dinner” for the sixth day in a row.
🤭
And what better way to distract oneself than watching John Cena, Yvone Orji, Lil Rel Howery and Meredith Hagner make some jokes about “butt stuff” and the like for a couple hours?
Out: Friday
Where: Hulu
1 hr 40 mins | R | 🍅: TBD
I “missed” Maestro last week (it somehow didn’t get added to the list), so it gets top billing.
Maestro - teaser for a biopic of Leonard Bernstein (Bradley Cooper) and his wife Felicia Montealegre (Carey Mulligan)
Rebel Moon - Zack Snyder (Man of Steel, 300) showing off what was apparently going to be a Star Wars movie way back in the day, but now is it’s own two part epic for Netflix.
Leo - Adam Sandler’s next (next) movie for Netflix, except this one’s animated. Looks cute.
Anatomy of a Fall - winner of the Palme d’Or at this year’s Cannes Film Festival and probably for good reason cuz it looks excellent. And reviews say it is.
There are buuuunch more trailers beyond the four above. If you’re an addict like me, I encourage you to check ‘em out by clicking that big pink GIMME MORE TRAILERS! button below.
Hey it had not clicked that you have a YT channel. Subscribed! 🤘🏼