How long until Disney remakes the remakes?
If there isn't a betting line in Vegas yet, there should be.
“You have much more hair in your nose than my dad.”
No discursive discourse from me this week, just movies. Which is why you’re here… right?
NEWSY BITS 👾
Netflix has officially begun its plan to make users pay extra for password sharing [bad for college students, great for people trying to remove their ex from five years ago] - NPR
Netflix updates My List feature so users can find content they have yet to watch [only on mobile for now, but it allows you to sort by: movies vs shows / release date / alphabetical order / recency of when you added / (big one→) started vs haven’t started] - Techcrunch
EXTRA CREDIT MOVIE(S) 📝
Kandahar - if you watched the trailer and were like, didn’t this movie already come out and didn’t it star Jake Gyllenhaal? I get it. But this actually a totally different movie. Kind of. But it does star Gerard Butler instead of Gyllenhaal running through the Middle East getting shot at and shooting at people. The reviews are worse than the Gyllenhaal one, but the desired audience shouldn’t much care. Playing in Theaters Friday
Casual observers and critics are basically four year olds when it comes to the whole “live-action”1 Disney remakes, in that they’re constantly asking “why.” Why does this need to exist? Why should I care? Why am I sitting in this theater? Why the hell did I just watch that?
Which can sometimes anger the Disney Adults (who have watched each classic roughly 736 times) making them grab any heretic by their collar and growl in their face, “why the fuck not,” which is clearly not so much a question as it is a directive with an implied threat. Only to brush off the shirt of their cowering compatriot, Maverick from Top Gun style, and tell them to “have a magical day,” leaving them to breathe a heavy sigh of relief knowing that they almost just got cold-cocked by someone who’s all time favorite activity is waiting two hours in line in the hot California sun to ride It’s A Small World.
But while we all know the real why (read: money) these movies exist, there is a legitimacy in the viewpoint of the Disney fanatics. Who does it hurt to remake ‘em (read: no one) and why not take the chance to broaden the scope of what was a pretty homogenous (read: white) past? Plus, it does seem to bring a lot of happiness into the world, so while it may be easy to glower at it all, that’s really only bringing you down, because the Disneyland season ticket holders of the world are bound to enjoy the new Ariel, Halle Bailey, whose performance / singing is apparently a delight and per critics is basically the entire reason to see the whole two hour and fifteen minute affair - which is nearly an entire hour more than the animated original.
And if that last fact leads you to consider asking why they needed to make it so much longer, I encourage you to look behind you before you begin said query…
👊
Out: Friday
Where: Theaters
2 hrs 15 mins | PG | 🍅: 73%
Romantic relationships can be hard. Even that “perfect” Instagram couple you hate-follow deals with stupid mundane shit like someone not washing the dishes, arguments over money or even doing something insensitive like joking about the length of their partner’s tongue in the middle of a make-out session (…um, just me?). Point is, no matter how idyllic something appears, there are usually real human issues underneath that blinding social media paint job. This isn’t schadenfreude talking here, it’s reality. “Hi, I’m reality, nice to meet you. How would you like a slap you in the face? Too bad, you’re getting one.”
And that’s what it looks like the couple in You Hurt My Feelings receives, a metaphorical smack in the kisser. 💋 But while it may be frustrating and emotionally draining for them, it will hopefully be quite cathartic and funny for you - assuming you enjoy a side of the awkward / painful with your meal of comedy of course. Although when the head chef is Julia Louis-Dreyfus, it’s a dish many people will enjoy noshing.
The issue at hand is over a lie told by the husband of Louis-Dreyfus’ character (played by Tobias Menzies from Outlander) about her latest novel - he thinks it’s made outta poo paper. In other words, it stinks. But he doesn’t tell that to her, well, not intentionally, but she ends up overhearing him mention this fact to his friend and then… cue the revealing of the cracks.
Critics are quite hight on it, saying it’s another extremely satisfying adult movie… er, movie for adults? from Nicole Holofcener - who also wrote the excellent Can You Ever Forgive Me? and wrote / directed another well regarded Louis-Dreyfus starring flick Enough Said - about the personal minutae moments turned universal. Also tons of love for both Louis-Dreufys and Menzies2 , especially the Veep / Seinfeld alum, and just the overall insight / humor about the things so many of us deal with, but would rather not.
Note: this isn’t a full “wide” release, but if you’re in or near a bigger city and you’re interested, you should be fine.
Out: Friday
Where: Theaters
1 hr 33 min | R | 🍅: 96%
Have you seen the guy on the left (i.e. not Luke Skywalker) on YouTube, shirtless, giggling to himself about how he became involved with the Russian Mafia as he yells belligerently about how he is “the machine?” Rad, you might be interested in this movie (which is a fake action-comedy continuation of the supposedly true story from the one time “top partier in the country”).
Are you confused and wondering if I’m talking about some sci-fi thing where a guy turns into a robot, but then strips his shirt off to reveal he’s just like a real life human with the mind of a computer? Dope, you should probably avoid this movie.
Out: Friday
Where: Theaters
1 hr 52 mins | R | 🍅: TBD
While they don’t look all that similar in content, About My Father instantly makes me think of another recent movie, Easter Sunday.
You see, Sunday movie was from Jo Koy, who similar to Sebastian Maniscalco, the lead of About My Father, is a middle-aged stand up comedian who has been quite successful, but never really become “mainstream.” But they’ve each had a number of comedy specials, done other things and stuff, and are finally having their big movie moment. But it’s also because their comedy has a tendency to be about their most personal of situations. Family. But whereas Koy focused on the breadth of his Filipino kin, Maniscalco decided to home in on his relationship with his father (played by Robert DeNiro) and take him on an adventure into the world of WASPs over a holiday weekend. Hilarity, or at least chaos?, shall be sure to ensue. Reviews are yet to come out, but this feels more like one of those you go see because you’re already invested.
It’s worth noting that there is one big obvious difference in my comparison - Italians (Maniscalco’s heritage) have been represented on screen plenty, whereas Filipino’s far (far) less so. But the larger narrative that both Maniscalco and Koy seem to put forward is that no matter the family, they’ve all got issues, and that’s partly what makes them… fun?
Out: Friday
Where: Theaters
1 hr 29 mins | PG-13 | 🍅: TBD
The deluge continues.
Killers of the Flower Moon - sure, Scorsese’s next movie is gonna be longer than the entire season of an average streaming show, but it does look pretty darn good.
Problemista - this looks really cool. You should watch it. From Julio Torres, the guy who made Los Espookys if you know what that is.
The Color Purple - a remake that’s based on the musical that’s based on the original movie / book.
Theater Camp - looks like a combo of Christopher Guest movies (see: A Mighty Wind, Best in Show, This is Spinal Tap) and Wet Hot American Summer
The Flash - Warner Bros. decided they needed one more push before the impending release, but if you’re already likely to see it, I wouldn’t bother watching.
quotes because can you really call it live-action when so much of the movie is animated?
best late name ever?