I believe in conspiracy theories. đşď¸
In that I believe they exist, not in their premises, silly.
THE QUOTE đŹ đŹ
âI just donât want you to think earth girls are easy.
What is easy?â
hint: I believe the first time the title has been in the actual quote
THINK THOUGHTS đ
No erasies.
No quitsies.
With a triple stamp and touch blue make it true, Paramount and Skydance have officially sealed the deal.
Ok, technically there still may be some startsies in play, but thatâs only if Paramount finds itself a better deal within 45 days (and if so, Skydance gets *checks notes* $400 million?! Weâre all in the wrong business yo, wroooong business).
The way I look at is, these media companies are kind of like that new couple whoâve had a few really good dates, but one of them is still on the apps and swiping juuuust in case.
Itâs standard practice really. If a bit uncouth. You want to be sure in this life before you settle down with your one true love. Oooor the only person that was nice enough to offer a dinner out. Even if it was at McDonaldâs.
But the sagaâs over. All is right in Hollywoodland. Things can go back to normal.
Which is what, exactly?
NEWSY BITS đž
Kevin Costnerâs âHorizon 2â Pulled From August Release in Theaters After First Film Flops - đŹ goal is to allow for streaming to build up the audience base such that Part 2 does better. And hey, people love to talk about âflopsâ and âbombs,â because theyâre dramatic. But I think itâs good to remember that only happens when people try stuff. Someone did a thing, maybe it didnât work. But still they did a thing. So maybe Costner is out some (a crapload of) money, but at least he gave it a shot. - The Hollywood Reporter
EXTRA CREDIT MOVIE(S) đ
Touch - kind of an Icelandic / Japanese version of The Notebook, where a dying man seeks to find the woman who captured his heart over 50 years ago and the story is past and present. Awwwww. Sure it looks predictable, but damn if it doesnât look like an endearing version of it (though some of my thoughts below may color this line). And the reviews say itâs just that, big in emotion yet simple enough to feel personal. Playing in Limited Theaters Friday
Divorce in the Black - Divorce. Drama. Death? Unsure, but you can probably count on it and lots of other D words, hell, all of the D words, cuz this is Tyler Perry and he only does the most. You want reviews?! Come on now⌠Streaming on Amazon Prime Friday
Dandelion - Looks as if Terrence Malick shot Once (though doesnât look to reach that movieâs extremely high peaks). If that made zero fucking sense, just know itâs an emotional movie about making emotional music and how difficult of a life journey that can be. The reviews say star KiKi Lane (If Beale Street Could Talk) embodies a struggling artist with unique, and at the same time universal, troubles well. Playing in Limited Theaters Friday
NOTABLE NEW RELEASE(S) đ & đş
Longlegs
If I didnât âhaveâ to, I probably wouldnât have read or watched anything more after catching the first few trailers for Longlegs. Which werenât really trailers in the traditional sense (though they did eventually go that route), so much as âmood pieces.â Snippets that teased and gave you tons of vibes, but very little plot.
Itâs to the credit of NEON, the studio releasing Longlegs, for creating that sort of tension, the kind of anticipation you get because you donât know whatâs coming. In this case a feeling you actually want to keep building and building until you ultimately canât take it anymore. You need something to happen. Itâs not unlike the feeling you get when you watch⌠a horror movie.
And, Longlegs looks very much like a horror movie. A good one at that (see reviews).
But the reason NEON was even able to build a campaign like they did (which as a former movie marketer, I think was one of the better ones Iâve seen in a while, including some very unsettling heavy breathing) was because of what Oz Perkinsâyes, son of Pyschoâs Anthony Perkinsâcreated in the actual product.
Marketing can help build hype, but itâs the movie that has to ultimately pull that effort over the line and create an actual âmoment.â And while it may not be the next Paranormal Activity or Blair Witch, it does seem as if it could create something of a minor version of that. And itâs not because the movie stars a full-on terrifying Nicholas Cage, even if he does play the titular character. They didnât even really use his name as a big sell. Which honestly, is good. Because this movie doesnât look to be about the things on the surface, but the dread sitting just beneath it.
Itâs not things that are scary, itâs the world thatâs scary, and the scariest part about it is that there isnât anywhere else to go. All of the people we love have to live here, and saying your prayers at night wonât be enough to keep them safe. Then again, perhaps that just depends on who youâre praying to. - from the IndieWire review of Longlegs
Long term readers will probably be exhausted by the amount of times Iâve mentioned it, but I get to bring up one of my favorite movies again, It Follows. Because that movieâs star (and the sequel!) is also the true lead of Longlegs - Maika Monroe. Not sure if it was her intention, but she may have just solidified people calling her a âscream queenâ for the rest of her life (if she hadnât already).
But this movie doesnât actually look to have that much in common with the movies from which that moniker arose. Those were more often simple stories where women were chased by some crazy person with a knife, axe or chainsaw and yes, screaming in terror.
But here you should expect much less of the turning to the camera and letting a high pitch shriek out and more of a long internal shout you suppress lest someone hear you.
And while youâre probably expecting to be worried for those on screen, you might want to turn your attention to your own auditory exclamations.
Because you never know who, or what, could be right behind youâŚ
Out: Friday
Where: Theaters
Details: 1 hr 41 mins | R | đ : 87%
Fly Me to the Moon
Look, I get the world could probably use a little more Happy Place Cinema on account of, well, everything. But you know what it could probably do without? More people believing in conspiracy theories.
And I donât blame Scarlett or Channing, theyâve got a job to do. Iâm sure when they said yes to a script about a duo falling in love amidst the real and made-to-look-real moon landings, they didnât think it would hurt anyone. But boy were they wrong. Very wrong.
These truly unbelievable stories about two people who meet in the cutest ways possible, have the most adorable fights, never look anything but perfect and relationships where no one rips ass (seriously, whenâs the last time you saw someone fart in a rom-com? Ok, fine, once. And it got weird) are responsible for more disillusionment than probably anything outside of learning thereâs no jolly fat dude shimmying down a brick hole in your house come late December.
Oh, you thought I was going to say the whole âthe US government shot a fake moon landingâ thing was the conspiracy theory? Hah, nope. Sorry friend, that shit is historical fact compared to how love is portrayed in romantic comedies. Because that shit, is fake. Fake fake faaaaaake!
And look, Iâm no dead-hearted nihilist. Iâve watched Leo DiCaprio and Claire Danes die as Romeo and Juliet more times than is comfortable to admit. But Iâve learned a healthy skepticism for a genre that has pushed people to believe this, is anything but psychotic.
And youâre probably saying to yourself, âbut Latham, whatâs the big deal? Who cares if people believe in a few crazy, ridiculous things?â Well first off, *cough* Alex Jones *cough*, but in lesser terms you get stuff like people planning trips to the âedgeâ of the world.
And sure, you can probably enjoy Ms. Johansson and Mr. Tatum beaming their beautiful smiles at you as they flirt amidst rocket fuel and think youâre not immune. But you watch enough of this stuff and it starts to seep not into your bones, but your brain - an organ that is actually far more open to flights of fancy than the one we normally credit with driving our romantic behavior. And before you know it youâre asking literal goddamn strangers to meet you on top of buildings1.
So go ahead, watch, take a thinking break. But after, maybe partake in some Couples Therapy on Paramount + to bring yourself back to reality.
Note: obviously Iâm taking the piss (but only slightly)
Out: Friday
Where: Theaters
Details: 2 hrs 12 mins | PG-13 | đ : 66%
THE WEEKLY TRAILER PLAYLIST âŻ
Gladiator II - k.
F1 - I mean, you could say itâs Top Gun: Maverick director Joseph Kosinski making a modern version of another Tom Cruise movie (Days of Thunder), buuuut pretty sure Formula 1 (â> F1) fans would excoriate me for even associating their preferred racing style with NASCAR2. So weâll go with Brad Pitt, fast cars, We Will Rock You. Boom. Done.
We Live in Time - another sweeping romance that Iâm sure actors and heart sleeve wearers will haul the googly eyes out for, and call me cynical (not Shirley), but it looks a bit too manipulative? I dunno. From the director of the Saoirse Ronan starring Brooklyn, which is very well liked, so who knows eh?
Coup! - two weeks, two movie titles with exclamation points in the title. Gee willikers, how lucky are we?! This looks fun though (reviews say it is). Even if its premise is class warfare during the Spanish flu epidemic. đ But come on, Peter Saarrrrrrsgarrrrrrrd is in it. And heâs a star. I mean, starrrrrrr.
I actually really liked that one
also, not sure this will have a race scene involving wheel chairs, soooo