I watched the Oscars. I had thoughts.
Every other day of the week though? Nada.
THE QUOTE đŹ đŹ
âDid you ever wake up sober after a one night stand, and the person you're next to is layin' on your arm, and they're so ugly, you'd rather chew off your arm then risk waking 'em? That'sâŚâ
hint: half the title is in the quote.
THINK THOUGHTS đ
I know I title click baited you with â I had thoughts,â but the only real commentary of sorts I have about the Oscars is in relation to two speeches. One I adored, and the other⌠well, it was a1 speech. You might be able to gather which is which without clicking the links. Itâs actually a bit unfair and mean to overly criticize someone in such an emotional and vulnerable moment, so maybe instead of going into a long dissection of actors and how their non-screen thoughts on their jobs can affect your perception of their on-screen roles, maybe letâs just say that awards shows have the ability to highlight many things.
Oh, I do have to say that I was happy Anora won Best Picture (I did also love all of the speeches associated with its wins btw). I said I donât like picking favorites, buuuut sometimes my emotions betray me and I had a leaning towards this one. I also guessed it would win when a couple of friends asked what I thought would a couple weeks back. Which stood out because they basically threw up on the phone screen due to how much they hated Anora. Haaaaaated it. ?!?!?! I know, right?? Which is maybe what made me want it to win that much more. Because while I try and not be a spiteful twit, as I said about emotions enacting their emotional betrayal. đ
If you havenât seen Anora, strong recommend. I still have a few Best Pic nominees to catch up on myself. But oh look, we already have some new movies coming our wayâŚ
NEWSY BITS đž
Prime Video Launches AI-Assisted Dubbing Of Movies And Series In Pilot Program - Dubbing as in, adding new voiceover in a different language. Interesting and complex as it may mean more movies get dubs in lots of languages (yay for wider audiences and lesser focused on languages), but could also mean some voice actors receive less work. - Deadline
Sean Baker becomes first person to win four Oscars for the same movie - if you werenât aware, Baker won those awards for writing, directing, editing and producing Anora, that (excellent) movie that won Best Picture at the Oscars on Sunday. Also worth noting this was an independently made movie. - The Washington Post
EXTRA CREDIT MOVIE(S) đ
In the Lost Lands - I want to say this looks like a fun cheeky original sci-fi movie made by Paul W.S. Anderson (of Resident Evil movie fame⌠or infamy?) starring his wife Milla Jovovich and Dave Bautista, because itâs based on a story by my boy George R.R. Martin (writer of the Games of Thrones books), buuuuut instead I have to say it looks like an even more overwrought addition to that Zach Snyder Rebel Moon franchise. The reviews say itâs maybe not even that. Playing in Theaters Friday
On Becoming a Guinea Fowl - in a stark contrast to the above, this Zambian set story of a young woman whose discovery of her dead uncle on the side of the road sets off some familial learnings, and looks positively original in the best way. The reviews say it is and that the exploration of what âfamilyâ means-especially in the context of when some members are no longer here on earth-is something special. Playing in Limited Theaters Friday
The Rule of Jenny Pen - I find it weird this movie isnât named âThe Rule of Jenny Penny.â Hurts my brain every time I read it. But thatâs not nearly as weird as the movie itself, which follows a surly inhabitant (Geoffrey Rush) of an old folks home who is terrorized by his fellow senior citizen (John Lithgow) and his⌠dementia doll? The weirdness doesnât stop there though as reviews say itâs actually legit creepy and unnerving. Playing in Limited Theaters Friday
NOTABLE NEW RELEASE(S) đ & đş
Mickey 17
âIt's so disappointing that Hollywood just keeps pumping out sequels. Wasn't Mickey 1 through 16 enough?!â
Look out people, the YouTube comment section got jokes!
Because, you see my friends, the number in Mickey 17 isnât referring to the movies, it is referring to the characters in the movie. Thatâs right, there areâTwilight stans please sit down for fear of fainting related head traumaâ17 iterations of star Robert Pattinson in Mickey 17.
????
Wait. Yup. Youâre right, youâre right. As we can all clearly see above us, there are 18 Mickeys.
!!!!??!
Yes, of course, but what the fuck is a âMickey.â Itâs the (based on a book, so semi) creation of Bong Joon Ho, aka the dude who made the first movie ever to win Best Picture at the Oscars that wasnât in English (Parasite).
But unlike a certain Mr. Disney, Joon Hoâs Mickeys are a little less family friendly. Because the reason there 17, 18 of them, is that the other 16 had their heads chopped off, their guts gutted or some other cruel form of death. Because Mickeys in Mickey 17 are simply fodder in an exploitative future where humans sign up to be the experiment. But their employers tell them, donât worry, weâll just ârebootâ you and print another version of your body, same memories and everythingâclearly ignoring the obvious and fundamental Ship of Theseus paradox of whether that person is the same person now that every atom is different. Which begs an even bigger question, âwho the fuck would sign up for that?!â
Indeed.
But times get tough and then they get rougher, so Mickey 1 does what he needs to do and absconds to a spaceship with his friend, played by Steven Yeun, not really reading what he signed up for.
If youâre familiar with Joon Hoâs previous movies beyond just Parasite (Snowpiercer, Okja), youâll know he likes to focus on, and critique, class disparity. A focus which hasnât shifted, meaning you can expect Mickey 17 to be a not so subtle takedown of how the working, or in this case, dying class gets the shaft. And the shiv and the⌠you get it.
Itâs worth noting this is the first movie Bong Joon Ho has made since he took over Hwood with Parasite. And people have been setting their expectations in the clouds. Probably doesnât hurt Robert Pattinson is âok for dudes to likeâ now that heâs been Batman.
And while itâs not receiving the insane and near unanimous praise Parasite did, critics are definitely into the Mickeys for the most part. Thereâs a sense that it can offer too many ideas, but that Pattinson is able to sort of take over the situation with his dual roles and make you forget all about the fact he was centurion vampire dating a teenager, and focus more on how humans treat each other.
No small feat. And also probably no small feet. Because theyâve been lopped off or something. đŚś
Out: Friday
Where: Theaters
Details: 1 hr 33 mins | R | đ : 85%
THE WEEKLY TRAILER PLAYLIST âŻ
The Woman in the Yard - this time we get a proper trailer, thatâs proper creepy.
Death of a Unicorn - magical realism crossed with Jurassic Park?
The Assessment - weird lilâ sci-fi where Alicia Vikander âassessesâ the parental fitness of two potential parents (Elizabeth Olsen, Himesh Patel) by acting like their child. Is Alicia Vikander hot? Yah. Does that make it even weirder when she cuddles âdaddyâ? Yah. Definitely seems like an acting assignment, but actually looks better than you might imagine.
The Parenting - not sure who the fuck the magician was able to get all these well known actors to do a campy horror comedy, but they have more magical ability than any schlub named Air-ry Pah-her.
Sacramento - sure, itâs got nearly all the indie tropes you can imagine, but Iâm down for this dude duo feelings fest.
long
Coyote Ugly of course! And... Loved Anora!!! Talk about being "all in" for a role! Whoa Mikey.