Is That Butt of Yours in Couch Sitting Shape?
Hope so, cuz you have lots of streaming options this week. With great acting from Jennifer Lawrence, Brian Tyree Henry and Florence Pugh as well as a movie full of LIES! And trailers, always trailers.
“Some people are worth melting for.”
People are quitters.
That’s not meant to be a jab, but a direct truth. I mean this of course in the media sense, not the moral one. Like in the context of a conversation at a party which has long passed the point where either party has anything more interesting to offer to the exchnage, so one participant - let’s call them Person A - in a moment of desperation asks Person B, “So… have you watched that new popular show X?” and Person B shrugs and responds kind of blithely, “Yeeaaah, I mean, I watched the first couple episodes, but wasn’t that into it so I bailed.”
This carefree attitude of hucking a show off your watch queue faster than a truck driver tosses their plastic bottle full of “lemonade” out the window is quite normal these days. And this, for lack of a more imaginative phrase, “quitting attitude” makes a lot of sense when you consider how many options people have when it comes to their viewing time - why keep watching a movie or show you’re just sort of ok with when there are over 500 shows released each year and (in normal years) 700 -800 movies?
Honestly, it’s not unlike what’s happened with dating in some senses. You’re talking to this one person on Tinder or Bumble or Raya or Grindr or Hinge *breath* or Farmers Only or Match oooor maybe it’s OKCupid (Christian Mingle??!) but you’re obviously still swiping, and if the “one person” says something you don’t like? Neeeeext.
Now it might seem like the opposite, but I actually think all of these options are a good thing - both in media consumption and in romantic pursuits. Broadening the possibilities will always be a win in my mind.
What I am positing is that this tinderfication of media might build a mindset where the next great movie / show is always the next movie / show. Because of course, there’s always the next movie / show. But sometimes it’s hard to know if the thing you’re watching is the next great thing until you’ve finished the damn thing. For example, I went to see Tár last weekend. It is fantastic. It’s also a movie I can see many people turning off within the first hour because it hasn’t satisfied some immediate desire. It’s a story that “needs” the time it takes to complete what it’s trying to achieve. Now, I’m not trying to be overly judgmental about abandoning something if that something is not providing you with what you’re looking for. By all means, ghost that shit. But what I am putting out there is that sometimes you need to see the whole story before you can know the whole story.
And maybe another way to look at it is that if you do see through whatever journey you’ve started, you’ll be able form a much better opinion of whatever you just experienced, and more importantly, why you liked it or didn’t. Which, who knows, may just help you find that next great thing.
Notes:
Armageddon Time (the Anne Hathaway starring family drama) expands nationwide this weekend.
Bardo, False Chronicle of a Handful of Truths, the next movie from Alejandro González Iñárritu (The Revenant, Birdman) is releasing in limited theaters this weekend, but streams on Netflix December 16th. Going to wait until the latter to give more of a callout.
The oddly adorable looking documentary on the Mars Rover Opportunity Good Night Oppy is also releasing in limited theaters this weekend. Will give you a reminder here when it starts streaming on Amazon Prime (November 23rd).
Millie Bobby Brown has the kind of name you’d think was constructed merely to mess with people. It’s just too damn fun to say (quick, 3x fast!). And yet, she is a real life human person. One with a personality and like, feelings and stuff. But she came to prominence via the massive Netflix series Stranger Things, which - and I mean this without slight - forced her as an actor to be almost overly composed, not quite wooden, but wooden-esque as the the super-powered Eleven. Enola Holmes is like the exact opposite (…upside down?) version of that character. While Enola doesn’t have any “powers” that could be considered otherworldly, she does possess a fierce sense of independence, is precocious af, and is impossibly expressive - the latter trait being key here as in both the previous film and this one she mugs for the camera regularly whilst breaking the fourth wall (read: looking at the camera).
Her character was clearly well received as we’re talking about a sequel. And as you can see below, the reviews are pretty consistent in their appreciation for this second iteration. That’s not to say they don’t have their critiques, just that it’s a movie critics liked and feel like most average viewers will too. Makes sense because beyond Bobby Brown’s charms, there’s also Henry Cavill as her big brother Sherlock, with whom she ultimately pairs to solve both their respective cases. Their rapport was solid in the first and apparently expands here. And speaking of more, Helena Bonham Carter plays a bigger role here too as Enola’s mother, taking the story further into women’s liberation territory. Which reviews say is a path that forces the plot to become a bit overly stuffed, but that if you enjoy the ride without being too discerning, you should have an enjoyable romp.
Out: Friday
Where: Netflix
2 hrs 9 mins | PG-13 | 🍅: 92%
In the ultimate meta move, this movie reveals what has long been rumored - that Daniel Radcliffe is the love child of “Weird Al” Yankovic and Madonna (remember she lived in and has a home in London…), who now gets to play the ultimate roll, his own father. Radcliffe has the chance to portray the man who not only sired him, but is a master accordion player that was shunned by his parents, record execs and those whose music he parodied until they all learned the one important truth - that he is a genius and they never should have doubted him.
It’s a biopic so it’ll of course have to cover Yankovic’s pivotal relationship with Madonna, including her intense desire for the artist to cover one of her songs, which kicked off their turbulent, but clearly fortuitous (see: Radcliffe’s existence) pairing. Wait, so you’re telling me Daniel Radcliffe will have to make out with his own mother? Yes, but like… the actor playing her (Evan Rachel Wood), not the real life Madonna. Sure. But it’s still his mom. In a sense yes, but… I’m out, this shit’s gettin too weird. No no no, come back I was kiddingggggg!!! About which part? 😬… um, all of it?! Seriously?!
Yes! But wait, it was for a good reason. …..*waiting impatiently* That’s because this whole movie is bullshit. …..?!? You’re confused! Understandably. And that’s ok. But honestly I’m just getting you primed for what is sure to be an odd little trip if you decide to watch Weird.
A simpler way to put it - this movie, just like Weird Al’s songs, is a parody. oooooohhhh, why didn’t you just friggen say that? Cuz messin’ with you is way more fun. And while the movie does drop bits of reality from the singer’s life into film, mostly by including characters that played real parts in his life but not in the way they actually did (Madonna was not one of them), it’s really just a chance to riff on the common and all too same-y rock biopics out there. It might make even more sense if I tell you it’s the full length version of this 2010 Funny or Die fake trailer that became a real movie, that is, again, all hooey.
So jump in, have some fun and don’t worry too much, because reviews say it’s an amusing ride (if one that does get a bit slow in the middle).
Cool, thx. And just to be clear, Daniel Radcliffe is not the son of Alfred Matthew Yankovic? Correct1.
Oh. And be ready for cameos. Lots and lots (and lots) of cameos.
Out: Friday
Where: Roku Channel
1 hr 48 mins | PG-13 | 🍅: 94%
Wanna be clear, this movie is not a romance. Even if the image above might lead you to think otherwise. But it is very much a story about two people forming a connection, and how that bond affects both their lives moving forward. That sentence sure does sound like this one might be a slow moving character driven drama eh? Indeed it does! And indeed it is. But when you have two actors like Jennifer Lawrence and Brian Tyree Henry inhabiting those characters, you can bet you’re in for a much more moving experience than you might have otherwise. That’s because Lawrence and Henry are incredibly good actors. But both of them have been, I don’t wanna say stuck, but participating in movies where it’s much harder to show off that fact.
In Causeway they portray two people who’ve had experiences that put them in emotionally difficult positions - Lawrence as a wounded vet and Henry a survivor of an accident. And as Lawrence’s character returns to her hometown of New Orleans, you’ll follow along as two people look to mend what’s broken. Well, as much as they can. As much as any of us can.
Out: Friday
Where: Apple TV + / Limited Theaters
1 hr 32 mins | R | 🍅: 89%
A young girl in 19th century Ireland hasn’t eaten for four months, says she’s being kept alive by god. Is she? 🤐 But if you do wanna find out you should probably watch The Wonder, where you’ll join the men and religious figures in her community who wanna discover the “truth” as well. So they hire Florence Pugh to come watch over the girl and suss out whether this whole situation is some some divine miracle, or just sus.
But as I’m sure we’ve all come to discover, “truth” is a far slipperier entity than we’d like. It’s something that Pugh might come to discover as she becomes more deeply involved in a situation that may be less about what is and what people want it to be.
If this all sounds like a bunch of heady shit, it is. But you should be ready for that kinda stuff if you watch this movie - a broad crowd pleaser this ain’t. But you should also be ready for some more great acting by Pugh, who critics say carries this movie with yet another display of her talents (why yes, it is indeed Oscar movie season, thanks for noticing).
Note: based on a novel by Emma Donoghue who also wrote Room.
Out: Friday
Where: Netflix
1 hr 48 mins | R | 🍅: 83%
Spirited - Ryan Reynolds gets Scrooged by Will Ferrell, but with a lil’ bit of music and dance (think Hugh taught him any moves?).
Troll - basically the Norwegian version of Godzilla or King Kong (the latter literally referenced in the trailer).
A Christmas Story Christmas - Ralphie goes back home for Christmas. But wait, I always heard “you can’t go home again?” You’re telling my cliches are lies?! Bullshit!
The Pale Blue Eye - Christian Bale teams up with Scott Cooper again (Out of the Furnace, Hostiles) as his character teams up with a certain gothic poet (Mr. Edgar Allen Poe) to solve a mystery. Based on the book of the same name.
Disenchanted - full trailer for the Enchanted sequel which sees Amy Adams’ character morph into an evil stepmother.
The Forever Daughter - Tilda Swinton plays both mother and daughter in a movie directed by The Souvenir’s Joanna Hogg. Looks as weird as you want it to be.
As far as I know…